This Friday I’m not really feeling any favorites……… instead I’m feeling in a funk
I feel like such an awful person because I have so many wonderful things going for me right now in my life, and I can not even appreciate them. I have to ruin things for myself by being miserable over things I can NOT control.
I faced a scary health issue in which during that time , as scared as I was, I made SURE to be good to myself and my body. I had my follow up appointment yesterday and passed with flying colors. THAT alone should make me love life….but instead I am focusing on negative things that I can not control and negative things about myself……instead of the good and positive.
Yet it is so easy to get sucked in to feeling miserable and sorry for yourself. It is much easier to do that than actually feel happiness and joy
I cannot pinpoint why I feel this way?? I have a wonderful job, I have great friends and family, I have my health …..what more could I really ask for? What is it that is making me so UN-content?
Some days I am happy full of energy and enjoy the little things. I enjoy my students. I enjoy their accomplishments. I enjoy the creativity and effort that I put into planning my lessonsmyself up I feel like I should always do more for like I should be more like I never can cover enough basis
Then there’s days like today where I beat myself up over everything, mostly not being or doing “enough”.
I feel guilt.I feel sadness. I feel helpless.
Why is it that this is so much easier for me to accept pain and misery than it is to allow myself to experience joy and passion?
I constantly beat myself up for not exercising enough, not eating the right way, not doing the right things. Yet I never give myself the credit for all the wonderful things I do and can do.
I always refer to and go back to food as being the issue and culprit. I am beginning to start to think that is not my true issue . It definitely is present but am I just using this as another one of my “avoidances”? I need to ask myself, what is it REALLY that I am trying to avoid….
Besides food…..here are some more of my fears
Friends I feel like I will never find ones that really love and care about me. Maybe that’s because I’m not 100% loving myself yet. I feel a lot better now and I see so many wonderful, good people out there that I know it is possible for people to genuinely care.
I know I need to make more of an effort to find friends, keep friends and to follow up with friends ….it’s just so hard. Some days I want to be alone. Some days I’m exhausted mentally and physically. Some days I need to be alone in the quiet to recharge…..some days people just don’t understand, or at least I do not feel that they do.
Some days I feel alone. Some days I want someone to talk , but do not know how to begin. Some days I feel fine just being in the presence of people that make me feel good, even if we are silent.
It’s all about finding that healthy and happy balance
My family has never been one to discuss and talk about feelings. I think that is where all of our problems and issues lie. I think throughout the years there has been a lot of misunderstandings because of not being able to communicate.
I want my family to be happy and healthy because I do want them to be around forever. It makes me sad when I see how they do things for EVERYONE else but themselves. They need to take care of themselves FIRST before they can take care of anyone else. I wish they could see that. It frustrates me so much that it is NOT in my control to open their eyes.
Fear fear gives me power. Fear makes me feel alive. Fear gives me something to worry and focus on. Fear is something I handle well
Yet it’s the small daily fears that scare me most. I can handle bigger things it’s the small things that are very difficult for me.
I don’t want to focus on those little fears anymore. I want to let them go.
I realize it easier for me to cause myself pain and suffering than it is for me to experience joy. I’ve noticed over the years I try to make my experiences negative and more of a punishment. I need to focus on changing that……right now.
I was NOT enjoying my ritualistic running. It was a ritual It was a habit. It was something I felt I needed to do or else I was a failure
I wasn’t fulfilled with the food I was eating. I convinced myself I was fine with the same thing every day
I have a hard time letting good things into my life. I have a hard time letting friends care for me. I have a hard time eating and tasting flavorful food. I have a hard time with my feelings
I want to feel alive again
I want to feel excitement
I want to feel love
I want to feel joy
I want to feel hope
I also know that if I want something bad enough I can have it
I also have to remind myself that things do not happen overnight and I need to allow myself time and patience, and most of all, I need to ALLOW myself to be happy.
after writing about my feelings I instantly feel much better. I feel hope, I feel excitement……….. I feel like I may have a few favorites for Friday once again 🙂
Feeling Better Faves…
On my Philly Bucket List! NEW Schuylkill Banks Boardwalk (definitely want to take Lily for a walk here and check it out!!)
Top 50 Fall Festivals (I absolutely LOVE festivals but these are overwhelming!! Recommend your favorites PLEASE!!!!)
Workbox activity from the week…..using nickels to make the letter N 🙂
Here is it!!! Lindsay and I published our first article together in the Kidsville News 🙂 Check it out!! It will be a monthly feature!!
Five Senses Science
Lululemon Leg Warmers!
supersmooth fleece pullover from Victorias Secret
I can NOT wait to visit Charleston! Breathtaking!
Women! STOP apologizing and JUST EAT!! 🙂 great read
1. What meal/food instantly makes you feel better?
2. How do you get out of a “funk”.
3. Do you feel better after admitting something to yourself??