Last night was the first night I missed posting/blogging for quite some time. I just ……..couldn’t.
No, I was not busy. In fact I did absolutely NOTHING which forced me to do something I always try to avoid…..think.
I had such a hard time THINKING. At first I tried avoiding it thinking to myself “Ok WHAT can I do, WHERE can I go? How can I exhaust myself? ” Fact is…..I just couldn’t. I was tired. It was cold and rainy. I did NOT NEED anything or need to go anywhere that could not wait. I had absolutely NOTHING to do but relax. I have SUCH a hard time relaxing. I feel extreme GUILT.
I start thinking about ALL the things I could do. I start thinking about all the people that WISH they had a free night like this. I was thinking about all the parents rushing home from work to get their kids from daycare, making dinner, cleaning, cooking, etc etc etc. I felt GUILTY. I had nothing to do and could NOT even enjoy it. What is wrong with me. Negativity started running through my head “Diana, you ate so much today, you better not sit on your butt doing nothing…..you better MOVE, you better do something YOU ARE LAZY!!”
I called my mom and broke down. I let it all out. I did not think it would pass, BUT it did…………….I felt SO much better. I saw how silly and stupid I was being. I saw how it is OK to have relaxing nights some times. I saw how my body and mind needed nights like this.
It is ok to do NOTHING
I was miserable. Sad. Angry. Restless. Tired. Hungry. Unmotivated. Irritated. Sad. Depressed. I felt it all. It was uncomfortable, but I got through. I faced the un-comfort. I battled those awful eating disorder voices. I let myself be “lazy”………it finally ended up feeling good 🙂
Today is another day. I am refreshed. I feel stronger. I feel more motivated. I feel MUCH happier. I feel hope 🙂
1. I need these
They are only $195…..(gasp!)
3. Trader Joe’s Gingerbread Coffee
Wow HUGE improvement from the Christmas blend! In fact, I COULD and WOULD (and may!) drink this stuff EVERY DAY!! It is very smooth. Light and not too bold or strong. Just how I like it! Very subtle hint of gingerbread, barely enough to notice.
This one gets 5 beans out of 5!
4. Appreciate what I have/had!
I was thinking about Christmas as a kid growing up. Growing up in a Polish family we had many traditions that my friends did not. We also did not participate in many “traditions” my friends and their families partook in. For example, stockings!
I never had a Christmas stocking growing up. I always wanted it. Yes, I know its usually crappy gifts, BUT it felt so American! I felt so………..un-American, and different. I hated being different. Only now do I realize how GOOD it is to be different. You should NEVER want what you don’t have. Really learn to appreciate all the wonderful things you DO have. For me, it is the celebration of Wigilia. It is a Polish tradition.
We do not eat meat Christmas eve. Tons of fish, tons of delicious food, tons of NOT so delicious food (like pigs feet in gelatin, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww)
YUP! This pretty much looks like any Polish table on Wigilia! 🙂
Regardless. It is an amazing tradition. We always would have a special holy bread (oplatek) sent FROM family in Poland that was blessed and we would break it, share it and wish others health, wealth, and whatever else was in our heart. This is something that is very different, but it is what makes me, me 🙂
I love being different now.
I love learning different things from different people.
We all need to be different .It would be BORING if we were all alike
I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS!!!
This morning I opened up the Courier Post and GUESS what the featured article was about???? Polish traditions! Polish recipes, polish Wigilia!
Maybe it is a sign…..I think babcia wants us to get together and have a perogie making party!
WHO IS IN!?!?!?!?!?!?
1. How do you handle your holiday wrapping? Do you do it little by little, or do you bang it out in one day (or night)
2. How did you handle any negative thoughts today?
3. Think about one way you can be more positive tomorrow. One little thing….you can do it!