Ten for Tuesday

1. Soup

It’s been cold and dreary and brrrrrrrrr! I usually love soup (especially Panera) but this year I just have no desire for it! No craving, no taste. No urgency. Not even salvating at the thought of panera perfection or moms amazing mushroom or chicken soup
What is wrong with meeeeeeeee?

Have you been eating soup!? What is your favorite kind?

mine? Black bean

I am kinda of sorta craving the stews. I guess that sort of counts:)

It may be the fact that I deprived myself so long and made myself eat low sodium, fat free, plain boring blah soup ………..bc of ED and crazy ways. The thought of soup brings many un-fond memories.
(When I was preg I craved the black bean at panera every single day and night )

2.   things I will no longer skimp on:

I have always tried to “save money”, shop thrift-fully, and not spend that much $$ on things I really did not feel to be important.  Over the past year, my mind has changed on many things, including that I will NO longer skimp on the following:

1-  handbags

Yes I always have said “Why spend money on something I just THROW around”.  I am still not willing to spend hundreds of dollars, but I will no longer buy crappy handbags that barely last. I want something pratical and more importantly COMFORTABLE. The bag I have now……..HATE It! It is awkward and uncomfortable

2-  knives

Yup, I returned the mediocre set I recently purchased (black friday find!) I have decided to stay with the pricey Shun knives, BUT they are so worth it. The last set, cut my hands up so badly. Not worth it. I love shun, I feel like I have a great, comfortable grip

3-  Food

I will spend extra money on whole, organic, natural food. Plus things ARE expensive. Nuts, fruits, veggies. It is worth it

4-  hair care products

This has been on my list for several years now. My hair (and I ) deserve the best care 🙂  I love my certain products!

5-  coffee

I will NOT drink just so so coffee. I like my favorite stuff. It is still reasonably priced, which may not truly belong on this list, BUT I will put it there because it is something I will not skimp on

6-  gifts for others

I would rather buy my friends/family something they need or want or like rather than just get them “anything”

 

3.  Feelings

I feel like I used to tolerate and enjoy people more than I do now.  I like certain people and am beginning to feel comfortable around them, but i Still want desire and crave my alone time.  I think BEST when I am alone. I do the most and am productive when I am alone. I feel like others “get in my way”. this is a horrible way of thinking, BUT this is me. I hope I can change because I really do not want to avoid people or  not let them into my life.

The thought of having someone STAY with me at my house, makes me anxious. I do not know why I feel like my individuality will be taken away. I do not want them to see what I do…….for I fear they will think I am weird, or boring, or odd. I do not want them to see HOW i look (unbrushed hair, teeth , in my pjs), what and HOW I eat ( i feel like I look like a piggy when I eat, plus what if they think i eat too much!?)

I know this is part of life,friendship and acceptance. I know that I can not accept myself the way I am, therefore I put it onto others. Its not their fault. Its mine. I just wish I knew the steps to resolving this

4. Come over, or don’t

I do not want people to come over because I am scared to tell them to leave. I am not a person that enjoys LONG times with people. I like quiet, peace and alone time. I am too all over the place and rarely sit home doing nothing. I like to run around, stay active and be productive.  I feel like people would feel STUCK with me, or unable to do what they need/want OR prevent ME from doing what I want/need. I need to tell people EXACTLY how I feel, it is then up to them if they can accept that or not

5.  food.

I am eating so much better, but I still struggle. I want only to make the BEST choices (What is the BEST thing I could eat, can I choose something BETTER?, how can i create balance, how can I ensure I am eating healthy” ENOUGH. I am tired of this thinking. WHY cant I just…………eat!

I can NOT fathom that the cupcakes in the teachers lounge were devoured. I had not even thought about having one for numerous reasons:

a) it is not something i typically eat

b)  i can not be just a “regular” person and eat those, then what would make me different/stand out?

c)  I did not make them, control, control control

d) How long have they been sitting out? If I am going to have a cupcake, I want it to be on my terms….

e)  Are they healthy? Do I want them? Do i need them?

f) is there something else Id rather have? (I do not know the answer to this)

g) do I even want these?

h) How would I feel if I ate one?

I)  How would I feel if I did NOT eat one?

all this and MORE, over a stupid, CUPCAKE

Do YOU think this way over food choices? I want this part of me to go away. I HATE this. I Hate hate hate it.  go away. I want to just EAT what I want, when I want because I am tired of it interfering with my life and happiness. I left the cookie exchange early because I WAS HUNGRY. However I did not want cookies, I wanted another pizza and was embarrassed to say something, because I would have been the only one.  When I got home  I was not hungry anymore. So whats the deal? Was I really hungry, or was I uncomfortable? Were people judging me for not eating cookies? (NO!)   I kinda wanted another piece of pizza, I was still hungry, but it passed

6. “I used to get oranges for Christmas”

I have heard my mother and father say this MANY times

Heres why

7.  French press

Do I want one? Yes or no?

Convince me either way 🙂

8.  OMG OMG OMG OMG

(That is just a stock photo, not the pup)

A lovely woman I work with, mentioned a friend of hers is currently fostering a 4 year old long hair DACHSUND

OMG OMG OMG

Lily………me………..new friend.

She is partially paralyzed, I do not know the full story. BUT I feel like this is my calling. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!! PLEASE!

9.  4 1/2 days until break……..

just saying. I can NOT wait!!!
10.  

Your Turn

1.  DO you like going to peoples homes or having them come to your house better?

2.  What special things do you put/get in your stockings?

3.  Christmas cards!

     a)  Do you send them?

     b)  What do you do with the ones you receive?

10. taste testing.

I just saw an article where someone had a hazelnut spread tasting party. Id love to host something like this , just need to figure out what I would like to taste and my friends would enjoy best!