I want to stop beating myself up.
I beat myself up for everything. Lately, working out. Or more like NOT wanting to work out. I want to do OTHER things, I want to go shopping, run errands, visit friends.
I want to drive around and look at the Christmas Lights (while drinking coffee or hot cocoa)
I want to read my books
I want to get a manicure and pedicure
I want to get a massage
I want to get a facial
I want to buy cute Christmas cards
I want to write my Christmas cards
I want to volunteer with animals
I want to foster or adopt another dog
I want to visit my mom and friends
I want to just browse a book store
I want to paint
I want to cook
I want to do things after work that I enjoy and that do NOT include structured exercise and NOT feel guilty
I want to see Wild at the Ritz after work one day
I want to smile more
I want to meet new friends for coffee
I want to go to new restaurants
I want to stop feeling guilty for NOT abusing my body
I want to stop telling myself I am lazy for NOT wanting to exercise
I want to stop believing I am lazy
I want to stop feeling this lingering guilt over the things I want to do
I want to stop my ALL or NOTHING thinking
I want to believe that if I do not work out or exercise for a while, that one day I will enjoy it again and want to do it
I want to believe that someone finds me beautiful, even at my worst
I want people to see beauty in me, like I see in them
I want to just live my life and be happy
I get so depressed and down when I do NOT feeling like exercising.
Today, I feel tired. I have a slight head ache and just had a tough day (Mentally) at school. I do not feel like working out. Going outside for a walk is brrrrrrrrr too cold, hot yoga, just dont have the energy, yoga on my own……….blah, just not in the mood.
I FEEL HORRIBLE. I FEEL GUILTY. I FEEL DEPRESSED. I am so down about NOT wanting to exercise that I can not even focus on or enjoy what I DO want.
I hate that I feel this way. I want to make it go away. I am trying. I am forcing myself to do things. I know I feel tired and will not really enjoy a workout. Plus I have so many other things I need to accomplish, I feel like working out (even a walk) would take my time AND energy both from me , whatever it is that I have left
HOW Do I find balance? HOw do I find peace in my own head ?
What do you want this Wednesday?