Phew. I am mentally exhausted. Tons of thinking and realizations came and went.
I originally started this blog to help me through recovery and to re discover myself. Once again I strayed off my original intent and started making it more for…..my readers. I lose focus of myself SO EASILY. It is too easy for me to conform to what others need and want. I again neglect myself and my needs. Call me selfish if you want, but I need to be selfish first so that I can be more to everyone else , later 🙂
I want to do less fluff and more real. Things that are me. Important to me, my thoughts, my fears, my self acceptance (good or bad)
If I stray I am only avoiding my fears once again. Avoidance. The un healthy bane of my existence.
My weekend realization
Being honest with myself
Yes that means admitting my flaws and embarrassments. This also means resolving how to improve and make myself feel better. Ugh so much honesty with myself over things I can not control my feelings over. It feels good to accept and let go. Now it’s time to start trying to resolve……slowly. Baby steps.
This weekend I realized, or ADMITTED, that I have been doing things wrong for a long time. In my career I have been making things MUCH more difficult than they should be. I always felt that if I used materials supplied TO ME, I would lesson the experiences for my students. I felt that if I spent numerous hours “reinventing” the wheel, making my own curriculum, my own worksheets, that I would somehow get THROUGH to my students. The only thing I did was run myself down, exhaust myself and make me feel bad about me.
What do my students NEED in order to be most successful?
I am letting go. I will use and utilize others and the materials and supplies I already have. This way I can focus on what IS important. The fact that my students are getting what they need.
I am proud of myself for FINALLY admitting this and accepting it, and beginning to make things better and easier for me ❤
Fun realization(s) about love:
1. I would love my soul mate to enjoy (or at least attempt) to sit and color with me while listening to an audio book that we can discuss later. Yes. Corny. But so appealing to me.
Some adult coloring books 🙂
2. I would like to get married again some day to Mr. Right (for me). I never thought I would say that! The thought of weddings made me squirm. Now I have a beautiful, simple picture in mind, with the right man, that loves ME for me 🙂