I thought the title of this post was fitting for how I feel about my eating disorder today. It is a monster, but a Cookie Monster which isn’t so bad. I know I can over come the “Cookie Monster” and be free 🙂 He can’t be all that bad and powerful ❤
This weekend is tough for me. It’s a change from my ordinary typical weekend. I am traveling. I feel nervous, excited, sad, emotional, happy…..everything balled up into…..me
My irrational fears and “monster” awakes when I am anxious. I think I try to avoid the things I am really scared of by focusing on……food. Ta da! I got it! Now how do I fix it?
Lately I am having a very difficult time again with making sense of WHY I need to eat. I am no longer over exercising, In fact things have been so crazy lately I barely have had time for yoga or a walk. Something I try to do daily because it makes me feel better. Now I am barely getting the things I need to get done let alone have “extra” time for exercise. At one point, I MADE it my priority. I put OTHER things aside and made sure I went for my run or something. Now I am finding it is more important to do what NEEDS to be done. There WILL be time for exercise when things slow down again……and when it starts getting warmer 🙂 Life once again got in the way
Balance is so difficult for me. I have things I need to take care of but do not want to because they require me to……sit down
Somewhere in my head the Cookie Monster tells me “if you sit you are fat and lazy“.
So I have tried to find ways around it. Refusing to often sit at my desk at work, going for long walks while my brains runs in overdrive about the numerous things I need to do, problem is if I am walking around I can not get them done. Lesson plans , filling out grad school application, making lists , planning , writing goals and objectives , journaling,blogging. All require sitting.
Something productive and NEEDED makes me feel lazy. What is wrong with my brain.
I am going to keep working towards balance. I will have my good days and bad. I will be able to exercise some days, not others. I have to take life as it is. I’m only here temporarily. I need to stop being silly and START living!
BYE BYE Cookie Monster! I have better things to do ❤ Maybe I’ll bake some cookies later…..