Anxiety SKY high today
It is SAFE to say this is how I currently feel:
Panicky, unorganized, scared, fearful, alone, anxious, angry, nervous. When I feel like this I can NOT get my thoughts together. I know WHY I feel like this………because I have a lot to do and accomplish and feel like I will NEVER be able to do it all.
My solution. Talk myself down. Take baby steps, break it down. Tell myself “It is OK if I do not accomplish EVERYTHING. I am not superwoman”
What I am thinking (My Fears):
What if I pack the wrong things for my trip ? What if I bring too much? Too little? WHO CARES! I WILL PROBLEM SOLVE WHEN AND IF IT COMES TO THAT, WHICH MOST LIKELY IT WON’T. I GO THROUGH THIS EVERY TIME AND EVERY TIME IT WORKS OUT JUST FINE
what if I don’t get all my work done before leaving? What if I do not have time to think about and plan for the school week and the rest of the school year? I WILL. EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE. I WILL SEGREGATE A LITTLE TIME EACH DAY OR CERTAIN DAYS FOR WORK ONLY. I WILL FOCUS ON MY WORK , THEN STOP AND ENJOY MY VACATION.
What if my mom judges my food, or makes me eat something I do not want. What if my mom thinks I am a “pig” or I eat too much? SHE IS MY MOTHER. I HIGHLY DOUBT SHE WILL THINK ANY OF THOSE THINGS ABOUT ME, BUT IF SHE DOES ITS OK. ITS ME. ITS MY LIFE AND MY CHOICES. WHETHER OR NOT PEOPLE AGREE WITH IT OR NOT.
What if I do not have enough money to enjoy myself on this trip? What if I don’t have enough money to pay my bills? I WILL MAKE IT. I CAN ALWAYS SAVE IN LITTLE WAYS. PLUS THE BEST EXPERIENCES ARE FREE. WALKING ON THE BEACH, SWIMMING IN THE POOL. READING. SEARCHING FOR SEA SHELLS AND SEA LIFE…..ALL THOSE ARE FREE AND LUCKILY I LOVE AND ENJOY THEM ALL!
What if I don’t get all the cleaning done BEFORE leaving that I want to? I WILL. EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE. I MAY DREAD IT AND NOT ENJOY IT BUT I WILL GET IT DONE. I WAS SMART. I STARTED YESTERDAY, TODAY THE ONLY THING REALLY LEFT TO DO IS VACUUM
What if I am hungry and want to just eat all the time, can not stop? I FEAR THIS A LOT. YET IT NEVER HAPPENS. EVERY TIME I FEAR AND ANTICIPATE IT, I AM PROVEN WRONG. YET I STILL FEAR IT, STILL ANTICIPATE IT WITH WORRY. IF I AM HUNGRY. EAT! I WILL NOT WORRY IF OTHERS ARE HUNGRY OR EATING. OUR BODIES ARE ALL DIFFERENT. HUNGER STRIKES US DIFFERENTLY. OUR METABOLISMS ARE DIFFERENT. OUR TASTES ARE DIFFERENT. I AM DIFFERENT. WE ALL ARE. ITS OK TO BE ….ME!
I will be missing yoga tomorrow and sitting on my butt driving for hours. How lazy of me! HOW STUPID OF ME TO THINK THIS WAY. LIFE IS ABOUT CHANGE, TAKING RISKS AND LIVING. IT IS BORING BEING STUCK IN THE SAME ROUTINE DAY IN AND OUT. IT IS GOOD AND OK TO VARY THINGS. STRUCTURE IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST SOLUTION.
These are just a few of the random thoughts going around in my head. These silly, little, insignificant reasons are WHY I can not enjoy happiness. I can’t enjoy my health. I can’t enjoy my time with my mom. I can’t enjoy…….LIFE
I need to. I am going to work harder to fight these terrible feelings so that I can enjoy myself and live life ❤ I am slowly getting there. At least I am aware and trying to make changes. That is the biggest and best step I can make for myself
I feel so angry towards OTHERS lately, yet I know what I really am is ANGRY with myself.
I was angry with my therapist, for using the phrase “I wasn’t going to waste my calories on a slice of cake”. This made me feel ANGRY! How could she!? How could she be herself and speak her truth at the moment. The nerve!!! Angry with myself: For allowing me to let her words and feelings affect me. Its her life, her choice, not mine. What she feels and thinks about food is NOT the same as me or my situation. I have no reason to be angry with her.
I was angry with my father, for getting into a situation and NOT handling it the way I would. I was angry with him for not making better choices. I was really angry with myself for allowing it to affect me. I can not control others or their actions. Only my own. I need to let that anger go.
I was angry with my students for not doing the things I wanted them to do and accomplish, yet I was really angry with myself for not explaining and expressing them clear enough, I was also angry with myself for not having the patience.
I need to let go of the anger and hate towards myself or I will never be able to “let people in”. The anger prevents me from being my real self , to others and to myself included.