Happy Birthday to my angel up above ❤
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you. You taught me so much and continue to teach me. You gave me my passion and helped me find my “niche”. You were and are the most amazing brother a girl could ever have. I am lucky to have had you in my life. I know you are watching over me and helping me make the best, right choices. You are and will always be my angel.
Friday Night Feelings
I met my “niece” and was instantly in love ❤ She made my smile, especially holding her little football like body all bundled up! I could just kiss those cheeks! She really has the most perfectly shaped head and the most kissable cheeks. She was so well behaved 🙂 Not a peep , just a few smiles (gas!)
After I came home, I felt great seeing the newest addition, but immediately started looking for reassurance from OTHERS to make myself feel better
I was reflecting on my week, my experiences and felt pretty craptastic about myself. Why?
Well for starters, work. I just never feel I am doing enough, or the right thing. Some days I am at a loss, others I am full of hope. It is mentally exhausted coming up with new ideas, trying to understand how others thing, trying to express myself clearly, trying to meet everyone’s needs. So , I was a bit down thinking about the week, HOWEVER I started noting all the wonderful (even if they were small) positive things that occurred. It made me feel better, but I still hate that I seek assurance from OTHERS to ensure I am doing well
Next, was friends. I turned down a few requests during the week because I just felt tired. I felt BAD that my friends hated me, or thought I did not like them, etc. I need to stop worrying and just continue to make my choices. I was honest. I have nothing to hide. Sometimes I just want to be alone to unwind and think and it is no one else fault! I need to stop feeling bad that I hurt someone. I know that I would NEVER intentionally hurt someone. If you feel hurt, ask. Do not just assume your thinking is RIGHT, because most likely you are wrong
People tend to be very self centered. They feel everyone’s choices and decisions revolve around them. NO, they do not. People have ulterior motives for their actions. It does NOT have to always involve YOU!
This led to me beating myself up “What if I never want to spend time with others, what if I turn into a hermit and just want to be alone for ever?, What if others avoid me or are hurt by me? ” I am who I am, as I get healthier, I am finding balance 🙂
My life is at a stand still right now and I absolutely HATE it. I hate hate hate NOT having control over things!
This is how I feel
I need to accept that what is to come will come. I need to remain positive and good things will happen ❤
I wish I could shake some members of my family to get them to “see” clearly, or do what I think is best for them. BUT I need to accept and realize that I can NOT. It is a waste of my time and energy and an un-needed cause for anxiety and stress. I can only control my own actions. What I want and what others want is two completely different things.
I am sure my family members want to shake ME in return, but I am pretty firm on where I stand these days 🙂
I WISH my dad would start enjoying his retirement and find hobbies and interests of his own, instead of relying so much on others. Here are a few suggestions I have for him. I can show him and tell him and the rest is up to him 🙂
“How to Create a Welcoming Garden for Butterflies and Birds Using Native Plants — Monarchs Will Thank You!”
Sunday, April 19 (12:15-2:15 p.m.) at Unitarian Church of Cherry Hill, 401 North Kings Highway, Cherry Hill NJ 08034. COST: $10 per person. Speaker: Pat Sutton. REGISTRATION required, email firstname.lastname@example.org with the name(s) of the person(s) attending).
Our next meeting is Thursday, April 23, 2015 at 7:30 pm. The program is “Growing Mushrooms at Home” by Mike Mudrak. Meetings are held at the Barrington, NJ VFW which is now called the Senior Center, 109 Shreve Avenue.
Contact Gwenne Baile 856-858-6644
While I am at it, I also wish my mom would start doing things SHE enjoyed and for herself….
I can only suggest and then like I tell my students……….
WORRY ABOUT ME ❤
I think these are the CUTEST