Healthy Lifestyle

Sunday fun day

 The salt games. My review

When I first heard about the salt games I envisoned pure craziness, chaos and Crowds……  

Just another reason you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s “Cover”

  
The salt games were none of those
In fact it’s a pretty serious competition with local and visiting gyms alike.

Crossfit was huge here.  I witnessed people really pushing themselves to extremes. Thier bodies were strong and ridiculous I! 

The crossfit challenges were difficult  as is ,now throw in heat and sun. Wow. Impressive. 
Men and women alike tested their strength and endurance. Some of the featured competitions included

Crossfit 

Weight lifting 

  
This guy was awesome 

5k race (it’s hard running on the sand y”all!)

  

  
Wrestling

  
Surfing

Paddleboarding

   

I took free paddle boarding lessons this morning! This was the youngest member at12 years old!!  

And so much more
For the kids they constantly had things going on. I watched the tug of. War and hula hoop contest.  Winners for some great prizes
There was a very tame bikini content (winner took home $500 )

  
One of the winners

Hot dog eating contest (ok so I admit.  This was sort if the thing I was looking forwards to most…..don’t judge 🙂

   

              

The winner, second year in a row, calls himself “the hammer”  he took first place by inhaling eating 18 hot dogs in 5 minutes.  His technique involved the true and tried technique of shoving the dog down first then wetting the bun and using it as a chaser….just watching was making me nauseous.  

 
He was kind enough to pose for a quick photo with me  

Yoga on the boardwalk

  
So much more that I could not witness myself.  Every corner something was going on!
I thought this was a great day activity as a Spector or participant.  So much to do for all spirits.  I get bored just sitting in the beach.  This gave me the opportunity to do something and mingle/catch up with some friends.  Win win all around

There were beer tents and bathrooms both of which remained decent throughout the day
Tons of food (I found perogies! But they were square?? )

  
Tons of fun in the sun!
The evening ended with a mellow concert series

MY introverted self had enough. I needed some peace and quiet. So I headed down (up?) to a “secret spot ” away from the hustle and bustle

   
  

  

  

  MB is comparable to NJs wildwood. So it’s definitly a once In while thing for me.  However if you have kids or for a fun vacation go for it!  I just prefer a bit more low key (see above pictures of my “secret” and quieter beach)



Therapy pool party

  
Again. Not what I expected. I was thinking this

  
But instead saw this

   
  

  

  

  

  

  

  Great pool. Great friends.  Great people watching.  It was very tame ,however I did get there super early (noon) and left around 3 pm so things may have gotten a bit crayyyy after 🙂 
I guess as a jersey girl I have seen it all. This was pretty tame 

The Donut Man. 

   
   Or wait is this dunkin Donuts?  The set up , selection and even color scheme was so similar.  I did not indulge in any donuts but did have their coffee and it was delicious.MUCH better than DD which I will only drink as a last resort

I met a few friends for coffee and talk. A few of them indulged 🙂

I would def have donut man coffee again!

The candy store

   
  

 Weeeee. My heart flittered a bit and I felt the bitter lies when I walked in! Candy coma!!  Again kid heaven 
So after leaving MB I have two very important questions?
Best pizza?

Best ice cream ?
Next trip is will be  my mission 🙂

The beaches
?
The center of it all was not too impressive. Sadly it reminded me of AC.  Tons of tourists and tons of ….trash
People please keep our beaches clean and keep our Sea critters safe.  Throw your trash in the trash can.  Not on the beach ;(.  

It was not this bad but still!

However the further you get from the touristy spots the better and cleaner.  Just like everywhere ,MB too has those “spots”   

     

Healthy Lifestyle

Thankful Thursday (Hamburger Style)/Friday Faves 

Happy National Hamburger Day!!

Did you know?  What is your favorite type of burger? Mine? WELL DONE. That’s it. Well done with swiss, lettuce, JERSEY (only) tomato and mushrooms and onions

I am excited for the grill and BBQ season, and recently heard a great tip from my all time favorite Test Kitchen friends! They truly have the best tested and proven recipes I have come across!!

So, they suggest when making burgers, make indentatations on the SIDES! thats right! Apparently it helps make a flatter burger (Which Is totally up my alley, I hate big thick beefy burgers!)
Intersested? Find out more HERE

Well done, but juicy

America’s Test Kitchen Podcast ❤

Also, Iron Hill brewery is participating in Burger Month. A new burger each day! YUM!

Thankful

For really working hard to gain a healthy relationship with food.  I am so proud of myself for not only enjoying and eating healthy food but overcoming the guilt and shame that goes along with it
So many people do not consider themselves eating disordered,  yet they have such  an unhealthy relationship with food.  Guilt, overeating , restricting, yo yo diets, fasting, cleanses….you name it people have done it. 
When you finally accept yourself inside and out is when that real healthy food relationship will form:)

Thankful

For peanut butter and jelly muffins

Nom nom nom.  Must make!


Thankful

My mini patio garden.  It’s nothing special but it makes me happy 🙂

Love this idea too….

  

Thankful

Summer dress season! My favorite thing to wear (besides running shorts and sneakers!)

Loving the gingham, style and cut

 

Thankful

Summer shoes! I have a hard time with flats and closed toes but really want to find something comfy

I would love it of these worked for my weird, mind of tHeir own, incredibly picky FEET

  

Thankful

 Realization and admittance

I was planning on doing a race this weekend.  I hesitated signing up because although I can still run. I am pretty slow.  I have not been running much lately and lost my mojo by gained some other wonderful activities 

So this weekend I planned in doing a race.  Now ,I plan on changing my mind

I asked myself if I really wanted to do this race? Or was this something I was forcing myself to do because if I didn’t I would be fat, lazy and a failure

The fact that I am not properly ready and prepared for the terrain and run is making me lean towards not running (many other reasons as well) so instead of forcing myself to do it I will decide that morning whether I feel like getting up super early and heading outdoor a run…..I think I’ve made my decision 🙂

.  I don’t think it will feel terrible bit I also don’t think it will feel wonderful.  I think there are other ways I can get exercise and pleasure.  This run does not seem to be resolving the pleasure aspect of nay thought process :). My body is tired , sore, and needs some love 
Faves!

  1. Hosting a dinner party? Here are two awesome wines to serve your guests.  I will be using them for my parties for sure.  They were tested by my favorite guys over at Americas test kitchen and I completely trust their opinions! Anddddddd if that weren’t we enough they are both under $11!
  2. Knives!!  I love cooking and chopping.  This knife got top ratings andddddd it’s under $$50.   That s unheard of! Swiss army chefs knife      Most knives are pricy in the $200-00 range !   So this is a steal!
  3. Pretty impressive and spot on. Adult children of alcoholics  and their “symptoms”. Makes perfect sense
  4. Just trying to relax.  It is so hard for me.  I know I know cry me a river.  It sounds easy enough but my anxiety gets in my wy.  I abuse and tire out my body so much thT I don’t hve a choice but to sit down. I want to find balance And allow myself times during the day to just slow down. 

Tell me YOUR weekend plas!?

Healthy Lifestyle

Wednesday wants

I want……………

Just when I was feeling so down, I saw this……..Dear Teachers of Little Ones With Special Needs

Seriously, this could not have come at a better time. With the end of the year, IEP meetings, planning, meetings, schedule changes (which is anxiety provoking) often times I feel like “Does what I do even matter!?!?!?!?”  Today was one of those days. Pure frustration. Am I being heard? Am I even making a difference?

YES. I AM. You are too ❤

I want

to go here. BADLY

Spruce Street Harbour

Spruce street harbor park

Philly is a hop, skip and a jump away, yet I so rarely GO!

Philly even made the top 52 places to go in 2015!!

I want

To do this walking tour badly!! Mom? Are you up for it??

I want

I want

 

 I want

to snuggle and cuddle with my parents gentle giant!! Our walk was fabulous today! (Lucy!)

I want

To learn to slowwwwwwwww down, like this guy 🙂 (they were EVERYWHERE on my walk today!)

I want

To train Lucy HOW to walk properly 🙂


I want

To ask for what I really need and want in my next relationship
I have never really done this.  Wow.  How eye opening.  Next time I am in a relationship I am going to be very honest with  myself and them

Right now I am dealing my my own issues and quite honestly am fearful for getting into a relationship because I just can’t handle or deal with intimacy.  I always feel the pressure and the pressure make me want to run!

I need to start asking for what I want even if I am ashamed or feel society would not accept it
I recently heard a little homework idea….ask for one month of no sexual intimacy. Instead explore what feels good for you and ask for it! A back rub, foot rub, bubble bath, hair brushing.  No matter how silly you think it is.  Ask for what you need and want. Take the pressure of sex away and this may truly lead you to discover intimacy with yourself and open you up to accepting and enjoying it from others.  Also ask your partner what they would like in return.  Fun and wonderful way to explore without any strings attached!

Healthy Lifestyle

Un manic Monday/Tuesday :)

Happy UN-Manic Monday/Tuesday!

Happy Memorial Day to all those that served us and serve us now!!

UnManic:  Singleness

One recent study suggests that unmarried women are unhappy not because they are single but because society doesn’t approve of their singleness.

Yip Yip! YUP YUP!

Un-Manic:  Extremes (WOAH!)


I listened to an excellent podcast this morning about the psychology of eating
I learned something, well……… acknowledged something that I already deep down knew yet did not have the right “words” to express it.

Extremes because that’s all I knew and that’s all I was used to

So I turned to what comforted me. Food and exercise.

In order to feel that same satisfaction I had experienced my whole life, I felt I needed to push myself to extremes to accomplish that same, “comforting” feeling

  • My 4 o’clock morning runs every morning which I beat myself up for missing one day, my restrictive eating habits…..you name it , I did it
  • All of my relationships were extremes.  The people I was in the relationship needed something, I gave it to them, yet avoided the fact that I nneededmething too…..I told that little voice to SHHHHHut up!  Everyone else is clearly more important that me! (not so!)
  • I wanted to help my brother speak when he was young, and I wanted to cure his cancer when he was older. I took those things to extremes. Researching, praying, pushing….
  • my childhood was very extreme. My parents had a lot on their plate. I was not sure how to quite handle it. So instead of talking, communicating, working things through. I avoided and pretended all was ok. Keeping everything inside.
  • So.Much.More.

So now I need to figure out how to get that same high without such extremes

Some people choose to satisfy those extremes with drugs and alcohol
My drug of choice is food and exercise. control control control!!

 

I am going to start by making it a goal to SLOW DOWN, appreciate things and sites, and really take them in, instead of worrying about “fitting it all in”.  I am too busy focusing on whether or not I will accomplish many things, than the actual moment. I need to stop and look around. Just slow down.

 

How can YOU slow down this week? Pick one thing, no matter how small!

 

Un-Manic:  letter to my brother

My brother was my/our life. After his long battle with cancer, I grieved. Then something happened, I pushed all those sad feelings aside and filled them with other thoughts. Un-healthy thoughts, obsessive thoughts. All these thoughts did have something in common though……….allowing myself to stay busy to NOT think about Matthew.

However, I realize now, I need to face this. I need to grieve. I need to feel sadness/happiness.  I need to allow myself to think about him no matter how much it will hurt. It will be the only way I truly accept it.

I still, have a hard time accepting I will never see him again. Whenever this occurs to me, I push that little voice away and say “Nahhhh, its just temporary, he will be back, YOU’LL see!”

I have decided to write a letter to him, and tell him all the wonderful things , sad things, scary things in my life. I plan to tell him all I learned from him. I plan to tell him I am ready to hear and see him 🙂

Un-Manic:  Gossip

 

 

 

gossip

Ouch. I really, really, really dislike gossip. This year I have made an effort to try to stop myself from falling into it when others do it, as well as not engage or initiate it myself. I have been doing pretty well, but recently fell off the band wagon a bit.

I realized it was happening. I realized I was getting involved a little (because I felt awkward or WRONG for not engaging).  I realized the person/people were not there to speak for themselves. I realized that those people that were engaging were not quite there yet…..and by there, I mean realizing why they chose to talk about others instead of themselves. They are hiding those icky feelings they have about themselves.

It is easier to focus and shame others that it is to accept and work on yourself

I am disappointed in myself for not speaking up and saying something or removing myself completely from the situation. I am disappointed in myself for trying to fit in and engaging a bit myself. I am disappointed in myself for changing my beliefs in order to just “fit in” again.  I do not need to fit in. I just need to be ME 🙂

Un-Manic:  Patio Motivation/Inspiration

I dropped by my friends house yesterday afternoon to check out her newly renovated patio. She did such an amazing job. I fell in love immediately. So peaceful. Serene. Wonderful! 🙂  I am so happy she has her own little happy place now to enjoy, read, bird watch, drink her tea !  I was so inspired that I came out and started cleaning up MY patio!  I washed it down, checked on my flowers and settled down for about an hour to enjoy my dinner and surf the net a bit ! 🙂

Check out her adorable little patio here!

Un-Manic:  Ten Years post

 

 

I am PROUD

I looked back and read my own Ten Years Post. I am so proud of myself for how far I have come and am even more proud of the fact that I am still continuing to work and grow just like I was when I wrote that post almost a year ago

Check out my Ten Years post and tell me about your most memorable moments in the past Ten Years!

Healthy Lifestyle

Weekend high five 

I had a pretty incredible weekend so far.  Beautiful weather.  3 1/2 day weekend.  Great company.  What else could a girl want!

One

“L”s birthday BBQ!  It was a blast finally getting a chance to put the names to the faces. I finally got to meet L’s  friends and family and they are so great! I see where she gets it from! ❤

 Not to mention the four legged “kids” had a blast.  I loved the adorable outfits Max and Maggie were sporting for the event !

    

Lily trying to hide from Maggie…,it was successful for a bit 🙂

“l” s mom did such a fabulous job with the food ! How adorable are the salad glass mason jars!!  I love mason jar meals!

  
Don’t forget to shake shake shake!


They even had a hot dog bar (thanks Denise!!!) it was definitely a huge hit

Such a fun day.  So glad I was able to celebrate with my favorite teacher and friend :).

Happy birthday girly!

Ps cute little house warming gift

Two

Collingswood May Fair 2015

Collingswood 2015 May Fair

Crowded??

Honestly I was not too impressed. 😦

I preferred the Pitman fair much more! I think I frequent these craft shows so much it’s very rare I see new things.  Everything was the same as previous shows.  All were wonderful, great, unique things just nothing that really shot out at me (besides the Marshmallow shooters haha)

My friend “r” had much more luck. She went home with some great finds.  So just goes to show you it’s all about preference !

It was mobbed but everyone (pups included) were pleasant.

I enjoyed strolling through the car show. It’s amazing how much time, commitment,effort and money these proud owners put into their beauties.  Here are just a few of the many:

    Great shot of the color combination (orange and blue!)

IMG_5632

Three

“Dr. A’s” Mac and cheese cook off and party

Beautifully done once again! I do not know how this woman does it.  With a full time career , two smalls munchkins, she still finds the time and is able to create balance in her life.  I witnessed her out for a run early in the before the big macaroni party began!  Super woman all the way!

Great work to all Contestants!



I left before the winner was announced but my vote was for the kale Mac and cheese!!

Four

Hiking the falls at Ricketts glen

Woahhhhhhh …………….21 waterfalls on the most perfect day ❤

They were breath taking.  I felt like a big kid. I had a permanent smile and grin into face.  Something about those falls and a great cardio moving workout just made me feel amazing!

So I started off all “heyyyyyyy I am going to get a shot of each of the 21 waterfalls!” Yeah, I quickly lost count. There were just too many! 
  

we stopped and ate lunch at the top of this fall! 🙂

S and I had an awesome time.  He was great company and saved my butt more than a few times  from slipping and falling to my death. Even with my Merrill hiking boots, it was still very slippery 😦 I am kind of bummed, I was expecting more out of my hikers!
We met a couple in the parking lot that were so helpful and reassuring.  We well I was a bit nervous to trek off on the trail on our own.  I am not a great map reader or trail follower. I need to definitely work on this. BUT this hike was a piece of cake………it was so well marked and so easy to follow. Our 7.5 mile adventure was a breeze. We were able to make a few choices based on the difficulty of trails, the adventurous we are, of course selected the MOST difficult. They were a bit challenging, nothing too over the top. The scariest part was actually slipping and avoiding the many people walking by.  We did see a few couples with small children, and a woman with a baby strapped to her back. I don’t think I would be as daring or confident in myself to do the same, but hey MORE power to them!   This by far was the best hiking experience I have had on my own. I am getting more confident !!

 

His hobbies include collecting protractors……I kid, I kid!! 🙂 

So pretty!

beautiful but BRRRR so cold! 

It was super crowded along the trails, BUT not too terrible for Memorial Weekend 🙂

Pretty cool right!?  This is the artsy side of me!! And No, we were NOT thinking about jumping 🙂

Look how cool the ground is!!!  (PS Thanks S for your patience as I tried to get these shots, even after falling into you several hundred times 🙂  )          

Loved all the natural steps!! So pretty and fun!    

 

What a great day!!!

 

Five

I love my mom. After a day of hiking. I came home to this beautiful display on my dining room table!!

Have I mentioned peonies are my FAVORITE!!!

IMG_5750

IMG_5748IMG_5749

 

SO those are five things I did this weekend!
IMG_5682

I feel:  happy, alive, excited, motivated, hopeful

You??

Healthy Lifestyle

Wednesday Wants 5.20.15

1. Miserable

I am plain old MISERABLE. I just can not seem to get myself out of it. Things are just not how I want or imagine them, and I know everyone else on this entire planet is feeling the same way (at one time or another)

I can not control things around me, however I can control HOW I feel, yet I just do not fully know how.

Yesterday I met my parents for a walk. I was M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E.  After a full day of work , my name being called every two seconds, spills, neediness, not accomplishing things I needed to because of important things that came up (those teachable moments are so important)  Well once again, after school = angry, wiped, tired, cranky MISERABLE
Yet I need to remember everything in life is a choice.   Even being miserable.  Ok great I realize and know this now how do I change 😦

One day at a time.
2. Tip:  one gift to  never,ever, ever give…..I repeat ever ……a gift card to weight watchers!  No matter how good your intentions are.  Just ….don’t.  🙂


3.    No one has the answers

No one really knows any more or better than you.  Never let yourself feel not good enough

4.  Just IMAGINE

This video depicts high functioning autism to a tee. Just imagine for one day…….this is why I do what I do. This is why I try my best to understand. This is why I try to push my frustration way down inside, because I can NOT imagine having to deal with this every day ❤

The autism brain

5.  I want to wish my beautiful, smart, funny cousin Tina a very very VERY happy and healthy birthday!!!

Andddddddddd here is your birthday gift 🙂

Healthy Lifestyle

Lets Talk About ………

s-e-x

There is so much controversy around S-E-X

Times have changed so much. Sex used to be the “man’s” sport. (haha)

Today it is gaining equality with woman. It used to be frowned upon if a women enjoyed and engaged in sex. Of course, if she liked it, it made her a “slut” , promiscuous or …..((Insert your own terms here)

Today there are thousands of articles about WHY women should enjoy sex and be proud of their sexuality. There is no right or wrong way to feel about it…..it is your preference and your libido 🙂

I am not going to get into all the various types of libido, etc BUT I do want to focus on the fact that today, in 2015, sexuality is so diverse.

There are so many different TYPES of sexual/non sexual relationships that are becoming more and more accepted these days (YAYAYAYAY!!!) With gay marriages, transgender (Goooo Bruce), asexuality. We are finding that it is OK to be you.  It is also ok to flip flop. You do not have to be one thing your entire life.

If you follow my blog, you have been exposed to some of the different “sexualities”. You can form your own opinions and have your preferences, but try not to judge others…..because as with everything else, there is NOT one right way. It is what is best for YOU!

So, here are a few of the “Types” of relationships you can have, by no means is this ALL. Not to mention you can vary from day to day, year to year. Take parts of one and parts of another and create you OWN sexuality 🙂

Monogamous

Monogamy is a long-term sexual relationship between two people, and neither person has sex outside of that partnership. Even within monogamy, culture comes into play.

Polyamorous

is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Often abbreviated as poly, it has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy“.[2] It may or may not includepolysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders or sexes).[3][4][5]

The term “polyamorous” can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). The word is sometimes used in a broader sense, as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships, or forms of sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive. Polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, though there is disagreement on how broadly the concept of polyamory applies. An emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic. As of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships existed in the United States.[6]

Pologamy

which is a long-term sexual relationship among more than two people. In other words, polygamy refers to plural marriage, when at least one person has sexual relationships with multiple other people, and everyone involved agrees that this arrangement is okay. Polygamous marriages are culturally acceptable in many parts of Africa and Asia

Bisexual

A person capable of having physical, romantic, and sexual attraction attractions towards both sexes

Heterosexual

A person who is attracted to the oppisite sex

Homosexual

a person whose sexual preference is members of the same sex. Male homosexuals are usually referred to as gays, and females as lesbians

Asexual

is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity.[4][5][6] It may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the four variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, andbisexuality

Amakemyownsexuality 🙂  

A combination of one , two, more or less of the above mentioned.
So where do I stand? I believe everyone is unique and different and I stand wherever is. Best for you

For me personally I Am Trying to figure things out.   I have to sort through years of relationships and feelings to see where I am at today.   I feel my many years of unhealthy relationships had made me lose focus if what I wanted and who I was

  1. I was in a relationship with someone that cheated on me and was unfaithful.  He was dishonest.  He lied.  He lost my trust.  That affected us in many ways.  “Tom’s” own infidelity and guilt carried over to me. I put it upon myself  to feel less that what I was. Many times I would hear my brain say:  “I just must not be good enough, thin enough, special enough”.  I also did nothing for myself.  My satisfaction was from giving others what they wanted.  I thought that is what would make me happy. Min turn I ended up losing myself.   I felt guilty for having needs and wants. I was told it was wrong for me to feel and want things.  I took it upon myself to think I was the problem. When we would go out, his eyes were everywhere but on ME. I felt this, I internalized this. Instead of realizing it was HIS problem, I made it mine. I am so much smarter and stronger now. I want to thank “Tom” for teaching me this. I do not begrudge or hold anything against him. I am taking all of my experiences as learning moments. If I did not go through them, I would NEVER be where I am at today.
  2. Another relationship was with “Dick”.  Dick was engaged.   I was not aware of this.  Things were great and passionate.  It was exciting.  I see now he needed me because he was so unhappy with himself.  Instead of working on his current relationship he ran and took cover in me.  He gave me false hope and beliefs.  He was not honest.   I felt like a horrible person and so stupid for getting involved with someone emotionally unavailable to me.  I was called many names and made to feel so small and stupid and unimportant. At one point, Dick even pointed out that I was “getting a little chunky”.  He laughed and teased me about it……knowing I had struggled with eating disorders my entire life. I of course, believed it, I felt great, yet I must have not looked great. I MUST Change.  No.  I should never have to change for anyone…. However, I learned my lesson. I also learned how difficult it would be for me to trust anyone again.
  3. “Jack”. We dated long ago.  Then reconnected.  He   was my “dream” guy, dream come true. Love of my life. I wanted to believe this, and often times I feel many aspects were this way. But, Jack too had a problem, and it was not my problem to solve. Addiction comes in many forms. Some people are ready to accept, face and overcome their addictions, others are not. I can really relate, my addiction was eating (or not eating) and exercise. It took me a long time to finally accept my addiction and that is only when I truly began to heal. Jack was not there yet. I stayed by him, encouraged him and TRIED everything to “save” him. Yet I realize now, you really can NOT save anyone that does not want saying. I had to learn this the hard way. Everyone tells you this. Every article informs you of this. BUT I was different…(so I thought) I had the power and control to help him and CHANGE him. No I didn’t.  So I felt like a failure. I could not save this man I loved. SOmeone else may have been able to do a better job.  I want to thank Jack for teaching me what I want and need in a relationship. I got many positive things from our relationship, most importantly I learned what I will NEVER settle for. Ever. Again.
  4. Wilbur”.  We were young. I was giddy. I thought he was cool. I changed myself to make him like me. I did things I was uncomfortable with to make him think I was “cool” too. He was completely the opposite of me. He was completely everything I was against. He was completely looking for something very different than what I had wanted. Yet, I told myself to believe him. I told myself he really liked/loved me. I told myself if I were only “better” he would stick around. Wow.  I told myself a lot of crap. That’s for sure. I see now how foolish I was, but he was a great teacher. He taught me to never, ever, ever settle.  Wilbur was very good at getting around the truth, turning words around, and making great excuses. It took me a long time , but when I finally had enough, that was that.

I have had other relationships. Each one I learned something new, OR I learned something again.  The most important thing that I learned is that none of my relationships were a  mistake. They were all learning experiences. They will lead me to the love I deserve…….one day ❤

Over the years, I have learned that I am so much stronger than I ever thought. I definitely did take a lot during relationships, but one thing is certain in each one. When I had finally decided I had to leave, that I deserved better. I stuck to my guns. I had enough of going back and forth. It is mentally, physically and emotionally draining. Sure relationships have their ups and downs, but relationships should never make you feel unsafe, unloved, humiliated, ashamed, etc. If they do, take a good look at yourself and the person you are in a relationship with. Do you accept and realize that people can and do not change? That you can not make someone do something? That you are only in control of YOU?

I made up my mind and followed through. That is the BEST learning tool I could have ever asked for.

 

Happy Thursday !

Healthy Lifestyle

UnManic Monday (Weekend UPdate edition)

A few lovely things to make your Monday ❤

Love the blue and yellow !

Anthro I love you ❤

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AWA (Animal Welfare Association ) day at Cooper River! Great cause!!!  Lily got some special doggy ice cream to try 🙂 I also had some, people kind, not doggy ice cream ….

Little pools for the “hot” dogs 🙂

not sure which was MORE awesome. The trainer or the pup (I think the pup!)

  

 

The Pitman Craft fair was pretty awesome! Although I heard it was not as good as it had been in previous years……….This was my first time, so I had nothing to compare it to. However I will say I did see some really unique items!! Very different from the other craft shows I frequent!

I was most impressed with the creator of Carolina Artisan Handcrafted Jewels.

Wow. Her stuff was beautiful. I love gold vs. silver jewelry. Her gold metals were specially made to withstand the water and ocean 🙂 I love this so much. No qualms about wearing it in the waves!! Such adorable sayings too like “Mermaid” , “The Ocean is my Home”…..or you could just get your good ol’ initial!

Decisions Decisions!!

Hand Hammered & Hand Stamped 14K Gold Filled Initial "S" NecklaceSterling "She Sells Seashells By The Seashore " Trimmed with a Gemstone Dangle on a Sterling Chain
Sunday started off with a nice, easy jog :). I am no longer a “fast” runner and I am ok with it” it feels good to run when I want to and not force myself to do I do other things, which I end up enjoying more and really like the variety of different forms of movement and exercise”
Then I was super tight and ready for my favorite yoga instructor to bring me back to the present moment.  She and I were successful :). I didn’t push myself.  Instead I did what felt good.  I listened to my body.  It was sore, tender and tight and I didn’t force myself or my body into positions that did not benefit me.  I was really in the moment.  Today I was able to tune out the others around me.  It was just me and my   Body
Later “S” and I checked out “Taste of Evesham”.  We had a great time ,however, both agreed the vendors and food were minimal and mediocre.  I was a bit disappointed with the amount of vendors.  Not many.  The lines were long but moved fast
I did try some raw tuna (first timer!) from Bonefish grill and gave it two thumbs up.  “S” was not as daring ((chicken.  Bok bok!)

I also really enjoyed a kale, apple, banana smoothie from B Good :). The hawaiin pulled pork was surprisingly delisocious amd I did have some fabulous spicy wings from Hard Rock Cafe.

The weather was a bit iffy at first but ended up being a beautiful day.  We enjoyed just sitting and chatting (far enough from the obnoxious loud music) and staring at the cute pups.  “S tried a sweet red wine for the first time and  really liked it!!

It was fun because we made it fun. If you are a “foodie” you probably would have been disappointed.  If you like beer you probably would babe been happy.  They had a few tents set up for you beer lovers.

After the food fest we headed over to the Carmike theaters to see “Pitch Perfect 2”.

Omg.  I loved this so much. I was really in the mood to laugh.  I have been way to serious lately and after being told several times to “smile” by random strangers this weekend, I felt I owed it to myself. It feels good to just be silly a bit.
It was hilarious yet so adorable. I t made me crave some great  friendships as well as filled my musical fix for a bit.  Great mash ups!!!

Finally I ended my weekend with a visit to my parents. Perfect weekend, perfect people

IMG_4487
Happy Monday!!

 

Healthy Lifestyle

Friday fave’s 5.15.15

I am feeling much better today. My tummy troubles are slowly going away. Its awful when you do not feel your best. Not quite enough to stay home, but miserable enough to let it interfere with your day. Easily losing patience. Irritable. Blah. Cranky


I went for a walk with my mom and Lucy the German Shepard 🙂  It was a great walk and I am very proud of my mom for making the long journey!  I am not proud of MY attitude. I was miserable. Cranky. Irritated. I wanted to enjoy the company and the beautiufl weather, but instead I focused on :

the pollen and how icky it made me feel


that Lucy kept walking into me and was not walking “perfectly”


that I argue with my mom when I feel I am right, yet I dislike it somuch when others do the same


So I think my flaws are what make me miserable. That mixed in with the pollen that left a coating on my contect lenses for several days now.


How do I get over this? How do I move beyond. I can:

1.  Try to change (Which may be difficult to impossible)

2. I can accept my flaws and FOCUS on the positive things I possess.

The answer is EASY and CLEAR. Yet I struggle to do it.

It is easier to be miserable than happy.  For me

My head

 

It is a crazy, hot mess. I have millions of thoughts racing through. I have worry, anxiety, fear, anger, excitement. I worry I will forget something important. Even with lists

I find it difficult to keep track because I have SO MANY systems. I have notebooks, calendars, my i phone. I think I need to choose one place and keep it consistent. However it is so hard, because there are so many aspects to my life. Finding that balance is difficult.

How do you tackle and create lists? Do you have ONE big list ? Or categorize and make SEVERAL lists? (e.g. Home and work have different lists)

My home/work balance is TOUGH because my job is my passion, life and happiness. I often times find myself mixing the two and find it difficult to draw the line. I feel like I have left my identification of “Diana the runner” and only masked my need for perfectionism by being “Diana the teacher”

😦

I want to be more, BUT it is so difficult for me to be good at more than ONE thing at a time. Its also difficult for me to be “good enough” in more than one thing. As a perfectionist, its black or white for me. All or nothing.

BANG HEAD HERE


I am sort of intrigued by the idea of taking a pole dancing class!


Not to be sexy.  Not to burn calories but to see if I enjoy it and if I can do it.   Trying to expand my horizons and find a variety of things I enjoy instead of just abusing one thing until I dread it.
Impatience

I think I use up all my patience at work. I have a lot when it comes to others (although I am no mother Theresa) but with myself?. None.  Zip.  Zero.  Nada

My biggest trouble?  Accepting myself and being honest with myself. I have spent so many years worried about what others thought of me.  DID what I thought society considered “right” and completely lost myself.
I need to be more patient with myself in allowing me TIME figure things out.  It took time to build a fake persona. It will take time and patience to build my true self. I also need to be flexible that I may change my mind at times, and that is OK

Lately I am struggling with relationships. I am noticing that my past relationships were based on a fake passion, love,  impulse.  I thought I was in love.  I thought it was what I wanted and needed. Now I question my intentions
Did I ever really want children ? Currently I know I do not   I am content with my job and feel like I can give so much more to this children that are already here and need me.  RATHER THAN try to be Wonder Woman and juggle teaching and parenting

Why did I want children before? I always knew deep down the person I was with would not be the ideal family guy/father/ spouse I needed.   I knew (but avoided) knowing I would most likely be left raising a child as a single mom.  Yet my impulsiveness pushed those feelings aside.  Because having kids is just the “right” thing to do

Well maybe it isn’t for me.  MAYBE it is.  I’m not quite sure in this present moment.  I havE to be patient that time will tell.  I don’t need to have the answers or make a decision right now.  In fact I can change my mind several times if I want.  Life is not black and white

Even friendships were not right.  Not that the friends I chose were bad.  They just were not for me.  I surrounded myself with people that  focused on weight, exercise, outward appearance.  When those were the things I dreaded most.  I craved: People that had other interests.  Yet never allowed myself to get to know them,   Until now.  I am finally starting and realizing the right people are fun and interesting!

Healthy Lifestyle

Wednesday Wants 5.13.15

1.  Phew! This humid weather! I am not the only one dealing with limp hair and lack of energy…..all my fellow teachers could be heard with the same complaint today “I am soooo tired and don’t know why

 Well…..here’s why!

2.  This entire outfit.  I love!


Like the style? Head over to The Daybook blog spot!

3.   Tree in South Africa

I definitely want to see this in person…..one day 🙂

4. Abstainer or Moderator?

I loved this post over at Olives n’ wine, it made me decide to make my OWN list of things I abstain from or moderate in my life 🙂

First, what does it mean?

Abstainer:

noun
1.a person who abstains from something regarded as improper or unhealthy, especially the drinking of alcoholic beverages.
2.a person who abstains from anything.
Moderator:
adjective
1.  kept or keeping within reasonable or proper limits; not extreme,excessive, or intense
Ok, Definitions? CHECK
Next, what are you?

You’re a moderator if you…
– find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure–and strengthens your resolve
– get panicky at the thought of “never” getting or doing something

You’re an abstainer if you…
– have trouble stopping something once you’ve started
– aren’t tempted by things that you’ve decided are off-limits

I am very much a moderator and abstainer. I am MUCH better at being an abstainer because of my ED history and need/want for perfection (inner) BUT I am slowly transitioning over to the moderator side 🙂

So here are some of my picks (believe me I could list thousands!)

Moderator

  • occasional run.  I find that my once in a while “when I feel like it” run is something I am accepting SO MUCH MORE these days, and actually enjoying the runs, instead of forcing myself to do something and end up making it a task.
  • books.  I am accepting and reading the books I enjoy for pleasure. I am letting go of the recommendations and picks by others and going with what I truly enjoy, instead of forcing myself to commit to something I am not enjoying.
  • clothes/shopping/fashion.  Men, I am your dream come true. I could care less about designer anything. I am pretty simple. I don’t need or want the latest fashions. Yes I enjoy looking nice, but I can look nice with inexpensive clothes and handbags 🙂
  • My shampoo/conditioner. I will never go back to drug store brands. I have my preferences and for good reason. I enjoy taking care of my hair!

Abstainer * I have to say I am getting SO much better at many things I used to be so controlling about. Its eye opening to see how far I have come!

  • running. Once I start , I can’t ever go backward. Each time I run, I try to beat my previous self whether it is mileage, time, pain, etc, etc. It is NOT a healthy way to exercise. My mind takes over and tells me crazy little things
  • exercise (in general)  I beat myself up easily over a missed workout. I tell myself I am lazy if I don’t do it one day. This is something I am getting SO MUCH BETTER at. I am finding less destructive, abusive ways to let my body get (and enjoy!) the exercise it needs ❤
  • coffee. I am never willing to give this up. It is my biggest addiction, guilty pleasure. I wake up craving and looking forward to my first cup (the first cup is ALWAYS the best cup!)
  • bad moods.  Sadly, once I fall into a bad/cranky mood. I have a very difficult time getting out of it. I hate that I allow it to ruin my entire day, although this too is increasingly getting better!
  • work.  My job is my passion, love and life. That is the difficulty that comes with loving your job. To me my job is much more. I enjoy it. I work with children. I teach them amazing things. I see amazing growth and progress. How could you not love that? However I have difficulty disassociating myself with the teacher in me. I often times find the “teacher” in me carrying over after work hours…….because I have a hard time finding that balance
  • sweets (cakes, cookies, chocolate) Honestly, this is actually a pretty good thing. I think I could totally live without potato chips, cookies, cakes, etc. I have not had them in such a long time, they make me feel icky, are so processed and I much prefer something else. (give me a spoon and some peanut butter!)  So I could definitely LEAVE certain sweets without any guilt.
  • Peanut butter. I could never, ever, ever see myself not eating PB at least once per day. EVER.
  • Oatmeal. Yup , never going to give that up.  I pretty much eat it daily for breakfast
  • Alcohol.  This just in recent years has become an non-issue or non want. I have no desire for alcohol. At times, at a wedding or dinner, I may enjoy a glass of wine, or out with a friend after a long month at work……..but I could live my life without it.

 

5.  Pitman Craft show (This weekend!!)

6.  Calling my fellow Peanut Butter Lovers!

Here is a taste test!! My trader Joes pick made the list 🙂

What is YOUR favorite PB?

7.  Love is a choice.  Not a feeling or action


Being married twice, not once I can truly attest to this notion. Both parties in a relationship need to choose unconditional love for each other.  Too often the blame game is played (he’s too…..she’ s just so…..)

Stop!  Make a choice.  Can you compromise and commit , or will you go your separate ways.  Neither is wrong. It’s what is best for you in the moment 

Right now I am choosing not to love in a romantic relationship.  Right now I want to focus on self love as well as love for my family and friends.  I don’t want any other kind of love at the moment.  I am hopeful I will soon , but right now I am content with the work I am currently invested in. 🙂

I really loved this article!   Read it and tell me your thoughts!
I am still working on #30!
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