Healthy Lifestyle

Lets Talk About ………

s-e-x

There is so much controversy around S-E-X

Times have changed so much. Sex used to be the “man’s” sport. (haha)

Today it is gaining equality with woman. It used to be frowned upon if a women enjoyed and engaged in sex. Of course, if she liked it, it made her a “slut” , promiscuous or …..((Insert your own terms here)

Today there are thousands of articles about WHY women should enjoy sex and be proud of their sexuality. There is no right or wrong way to feel about it…..it is your preference and your libido 🙂

I am not going to get into all the various types of libido, etc BUT I do want to focus on the fact that today, in 2015, sexuality is so diverse.

There are so many different TYPES of sexual/non sexual relationships that are becoming more and more accepted these days (YAYAYAYAY!!!) With gay marriages, transgender (Goooo Bruce), asexuality. We are finding that it is OK to be you.  It is also ok to flip flop. You do not have to be one thing your entire life.

If you follow my blog, you have been exposed to some of the different “sexualities”. You can form your own opinions and have your preferences, but try not to judge others…..because as with everything else, there is NOT one right way. It is what is best for YOU!

So, here are a few of the “Types” of relationships you can have, by no means is this ALL. Not to mention you can vary from day to day, year to year. Take parts of one and parts of another and create you OWN sexuality 🙂

Monogamous

Monogamy is a long-term sexual relationship between two people, and neither person has sex outside of that partnership. Even within monogamy, culture comes into play.

Polyamorous

is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Often abbreviated as poly, it has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy“.[2] It may or may not includepolysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders or sexes).[3][4][5]

The term “polyamorous” can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). The word is sometimes used in a broader sense, as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships, or forms of sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive. Polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, though there is disagreement on how broadly the concept of polyamory applies. An emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic. As of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships existed in the United States.[6]

Pologamy

which is a long-term sexual relationship among more than two people. In other words, polygamy refers to plural marriage, when at least one person has sexual relationships with multiple other people, and everyone involved agrees that this arrangement is okay. Polygamous marriages are culturally acceptable in many parts of Africa and Asia

Bisexual

A person capable of having physical, romantic, and sexual attraction attractions towards both sexes

Heterosexual

A person who is attracted to the oppisite sex

Homosexual

a person whose sexual preference is members of the same sex. Male homosexuals are usually referred to as gays, and females as lesbians

Asexual

is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity.[4][5][6] It may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the four variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, andbisexuality

Amakemyownsexuality 🙂  

A combination of one , two, more or less of the above mentioned.
So where do I stand? I believe everyone is unique and different and I stand wherever is. Best for you

For me personally I Am Trying to figure things out.   I have to sort through years of relationships and feelings to see where I am at today.   I feel my many years of unhealthy relationships had made me lose focus if what I wanted and who I was

  1. I was in a relationship with someone that cheated on me and was unfaithful.  He was dishonest.  He lied.  He lost my trust.  That affected us in many ways.  “Tom’s” own infidelity and guilt carried over to me. I put it upon myself  to feel less that what I was. Many times I would hear my brain say:  “I just must not be good enough, thin enough, special enough”.  I also did nothing for myself.  My satisfaction was from giving others what they wanted.  I thought that is what would make me happy. Min turn I ended up losing myself.   I felt guilty for having needs and wants. I was told it was wrong for me to feel and want things.  I took it upon myself to think I was the problem. When we would go out, his eyes were everywhere but on ME. I felt this, I internalized this. Instead of realizing it was HIS problem, I made it mine. I am so much smarter and stronger now. I want to thank “Tom” for teaching me this. I do not begrudge or hold anything against him. I am taking all of my experiences as learning moments. If I did not go through them, I would NEVER be where I am at today.
  2. Another relationship was with “Dick”.  Dick was engaged.   I was not aware of this.  Things were great and passionate.  It was exciting.  I see now he needed me because he was so unhappy with himself.  Instead of working on his current relationship he ran and took cover in me.  He gave me false hope and beliefs.  He was not honest.   I felt like a horrible person and so stupid for getting involved with someone emotionally unavailable to me.  I was called many names and made to feel so small and stupid and unimportant. At one point, Dick even pointed out that I was “getting a little chunky”.  He laughed and teased me about it……knowing I had struggled with eating disorders my entire life. I of course, believed it, I felt great, yet I must have not looked great. I MUST Change.  No.  I should never have to change for anyone…. However, I learned my lesson. I also learned how difficult it would be for me to trust anyone again.
  3. “Jack”. We dated long ago.  Then reconnected.  He   was my “dream” guy, dream come true. Love of my life. I wanted to believe this, and often times I feel many aspects were this way. But, Jack too had a problem, and it was not my problem to solve. Addiction comes in many forms. Some people are ready to accept, face and overcome their addictions, others are not. I can really relate, my addiction was eating (or not eating) and exercise. It took me a long time to finally accept my addiction and that is only when I truly began to heal. Jack was not there yet. I stayed by him, encouraged him and TRIED everything to “save” him. Yet I realize now, you really can NOT save anyone that does not want saying. I had to learn this the hard way. Everyone tells you this. Every article informs you of this. BUT I was different…(so I thought) I had the power and control to help him and CHANGE him. No I didn’t.  So I felt like a failure. I could not save this man I loved. SOmeone else may have been able to do a better job.  I want to thank Jack for teaching me what I want and need in a relationship. I got many positive things from our relationship, most importantly I learned what I will NEVER settle for. Ever. Again.
  4. Wilbur”.  We were young. I was giddy. I thought he was cool. I changed myself to make him like me. I did things I was uncomfortable with to make him think I was “cool” too. He was completely the opposite of me. He was completely everything I was against. He was completely looking for something very different than what I had wanted. Yet, I told myself to believe him. I told myself he really liked/loved me. I told myself if I were only “better” he would stick around. Wow.  I told myself a lot of crap. That’s for sure. I see now how foolish I was, but he was a great teacher. He taught me to never, ever, ever settle.  Wilbur was very good at getting around the truth, turning words around, and making great excuses. It took me a long time , but when I finally had enough, that was that.

I have had other relationships. Each one I learned something new, OR I learned something again.  The most important thing that I learned is that none of my relationships were a  mistake. They were all learning experiences. They will lead me to the love I deserve…….one day ❤

Over the years, I have learned that I am so much stronger than I ever thought. I definitely did take a lot during relationships, but one thing is certain in each one. When I had finally decided I had to leave, that I deserved better. I stuck to my guns. I had enough of going back and forth. It is mentally, physically and emotionally draining. Sure relationships have their ups and downs, but relationships should never make you feel unsafe, unloved, humiliated, ashamed, etc. If they do, take a good look at yourself and the person you are in a relationship with. Do you accept and realize that people can and do not change? That you can not make someone do something? That you are only in control of YOU?

I made up my mind and followed through. That is the BEST learning tool I could have ever asked for.

 

Happy Thursday !

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