It is hard for me to face the truth, deal with my own issues and take life head on (instead of avoiding things by keeping myself “busy”) allowing my brain to slow down and think is something I really need to work on…..hmmmm maybe ill give this flotation therapy a shot??
What are your thoughts on flotation therapy? Initially, (without trying yet) I feel its just yet ANOTHER thing society is throwing on us. Whatever happened to good old fashioned mediation, thinking, talking, etc….BUT I can not shoot it down until I try it out. for $50 a pop it better be worth it!! 🙂
Last night I had errands to do, chores to finish, responsibilities to fulfill BUT I also wanted to go for a walk and take the pups for one too. I questioned myself and my decision to head out a little after 8 because it was already getting dark and my “dogs” were already “barking” (My legs!)
However, I sort of “forced” myself to go. I thought “What will I do if I do not go? Sit around and be LAZY, I ate ice cream yesterday, the LEAST I could do is take the dogs for a walk”
I did not take the dogs for a walk because I wanted to, or I wanted to for them (yes this was definitely a thought though). I took the walk for my own selfish reasons, that voice in my head.
THIS is exactly how I make things UNenjoyable. I force. I feel guilt. I feel lost if I do not have something planned or set out.
The walk was nice for the first 1/2 hour, then it became too dark, too long and too irritable. I should have either
1. Decreased the route
2. Stayed home and did other things (I do have a list, just did not have a “plan”
When I have a “Plan” in my head, it is hard for me to veer from it. It sits there, laughing at me, calling me, MAKING me.
I have such a hard time finding balance. I want to do EVERYTHING and in turn, my everything becomes UNenjoyable and not well carried out or implemented. I fight the tiredness and push on, in turn not doing my BEST job and not enjoying it. SO WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS??
Here is the good part of the walk 🙂
Also, check out the background. I was SHOCKED and surprised to run into a Kona truck!! Honestly, this totally boosted my mood, my cousin was not working (This is HIS business!!) however the music, the lai’s, the crowds. Seriously I looped them twice and each time that music just made me SMILE!
After my walk, it was 9:30. I still needed to eat dinner, clean up, check email, etc. I did not get to bed until AFTER mindnight, all because I forced myself on a 4 mile trek when I really did NOT want to go.
So this pretty much sums up how we all felt
I really wish I was not so guilt stricken when I need to rest. The thing is I don’t WANT to rest, but I NEED to. I like doing things. I like moving. I like being productive. However I beginning to question how thorough and productive I really am when I am not 100% present during these times , due to …………LACK OF REST!
I have a few days off before the beginning of summer school. I want to spend some time planning for my kiddos and their goals BUT I also want to plan on doing some things and enjoying my mini break
So here are a few things I am interested in, not sure if any will pan out, but I thought I would share with my readers as well!
- Tall Ships Festival Join us at the unique two-sided waterfront of the Delaware River as more than a dozen international and domestic Tall Ships sail in for Tall Ships Philadelphia Camden 2015.From June 25-28, 2015, the waterfronts of Philadelphia and Camden will create the perfect venue for a myriad of festival attractions and of course, Tall Ships. Affording visitors the rare chance to catch a glimpse, step aboard, and even set sail on some of the grandest ships of yore.
5. Racing thoughts
I am so overwhelmed with racing thoughts lately. I just can NOT slow my brain down, no matter what I do. I begin to start thinking about one thing and immediately 50 other things pop into my head. In turn, this makes me sad and depressed and discouraged. I feel like I will NEVER get anything done, so I end up moping, or going for a walk, run, etc. That at least provides me with something to do, that I feel is benefiting me, although it really is not (This is piggybacking # 2 above!)
I feel like I have tried all the suggestions:
Yet, I battle those and continue to struggle. I want to do things slowly, enjoy them, put my time, energy and effort into them and not just “race” through them as I have been living my life so far
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, of if you would like to loan me your “Brain” for a day , please apply here!
6. You never know how you affect anyone
Today I had to thank my friend “D” and give her a hug. She approached me months ago when I started becoming honest about my ED and recovery 🙂 She gave me a hug, yet she gave me so much more. She made me feel ok. She made me feel normal. She made me feel like someone cared. So I had to return her hug today, because I have come SO far and I owe a lot to the example she set for me….
So, don’t hold back, even a small little gesture that YOU may think is meaningless can REALLY go a long way ❤
make me happy and smile.
Perfect ending to a perfect school year. I can NOT believe the generosity of my students and their families. My eyes welled up so many times today. I have never had a better group of supporting , loving parents. We have ALL come such a long way
8. Cute summer Science activity!!
9. New Wardrobe
I seriously need to refresh my summer wardrobe. I feel like it is so BLAH
I am happy that I have a few days off, I am hoping to shop a bit for a few pieces that will get me through summer and keep me cool and stylish 🙂
Current Goal: To start living for the future and stop worrying about the past.
I want to STOP the “should have’s”.
I should have listened to “so and so”
I should have eaten this
I should have went to the store
I should have used my vacation days other wise
I should have…………etc, etc,etc
I fill my life with constant SHOULD HAVE’s and not enough time is spent looking forward
I need to remember to move forward , no matter what.
I make decisions and it is up to me how the play out. I can choose to either dwell on the past, worry if it is the right choice, etc, OR
I can think positive and know that somehow everything will work out, one way or another
If I don’t take risks and face my fears, I will NEVER no any different 🙂