Healthy Lifestyle

Saturday Safes

I really feel like I am a Saturday Scatterbrain right now.  The past few weeks have been a whirlwind and roller coaster of emotional ups and downs.  I am sure a lot if you can relate
I had to fly out to SC for two days for training and team building.  Both were great just overwhelming and tiring.  Between travel and cramming so much into two days. I am tired

When I am tired and anxious I can not just “sit and relax”.  It is much more soothing for me to be moving and doing something. That calms me down . Yet when I physically am too exhausted to walk, move etc I become cranky and grumpy and dazed.
So here is a recap of my whirlwind of the past two days 🙂
Another awesome flight on spirit!

I really love flying out of Atlantic city.  Yes it’s a bit further but the airport is small and so easy to maneuver. My flights have always been a breeze her versus philly!

Then it was straight to corrective reading training.  Phew. Intense.  Just not at all what I am used to

 

Did you know that Horry County is the TOP performing county in all of SC!! Woop woop!! 🙂  Read more here

 Being honest it is very overwhelming.  My first hour of training I think I had a mini panic attack. I just did not get it , understand or think I could do it.


Halfway through my view changed. I  Accepted that it was difficult but definitely attainable.   It is just completely different from the way I have always taught in NJ. I am scared terrified of change. I have never taught by scripting . I just kind of naturally go with the flow . So it is going to be a very difficult transition for me to script things. I’m going to have to still make it my own someway. That is something for me to figure out this year.. Challenge #1( of a million)

So far I like the programs (positive). I think they can work especially with a little fine-tuning and my creativity. I think it will make for a very good reading program. Granted I’m not certain if any of my students will even follow the methods I was taught during my training (depends on my student load, which is not available yet and will change once testing begins) but it’s still good to know and I’m sure will help me in other areas.

Everyone here is so nice, willing and helpful! They really do know how to make me feel at home!
From arriving and feeling like an outlander to feeling like I’ve been taken under the wing by many mama birds. It is quite an adventure in “Carolinaland “


We did break for lunch and I headed over to a favorite of mine , Eggs Up, in Conway for a delicious omelette 🙂


After the class I was overwhelmed a bit and stressed with a few bumps in my day so I hit the beach for an awesome walk. Rest assured it helped!

 

Then I showered and hit up my first Pelicans Game with some of these guys!


Oh man it was so much fun! The most fun I have allowed myself I a long time. I felt relaxed for once!

On the way home I had to stop at public to grab some oats, almond milk and fruit for breakfast ,


and grabbed some ice cream for a treat (it was so hot and that sounded so good)


I got home close to midnight.   Well worth it!

I passed out pretty FAST since I had been up since 3 am (Flight) and awoke to find this guy…….again


He looks small in the picture but TRUST me he is not.  I keep tearing his web down (man it’s heavy duty) and he keeps rebuilding.  I wonder if he pays association fees as well?? 🙂

Then it was coffee time.  No wawas in sight BUT I tried Kangaroos and you know what’s? I’m in love!


(Oh man I look tired)

They have a really nice set up with great coffee choices!

I went for a little walk around my new neighborhood to prep for my team bldg day ahead.  It was a beautiful morning!

I arrived at school to a plethora of cars filling the lot! Wooooo my new work buds!  I walked in and immediately was asked to stand up and talk about myself

“Oh, hey, um, i like books and the beach and coffee, oh and kids, i like kids?”

That’s how you do it! No time to stress or fear! I just got up and ……talked! Hopefully I made some sense?! At least I didn’t say “I carried a watermelon”. Hopefully…….

The day began with a fun ball toss game ice breaker activity (all activities were suggestions of things we could do with our students).   Whatever our thumb landed on when we caught the ball, we had to answer the question. Cute and fun (I answered my favorite Disney movie and places I have swam this summer)

We had to come up with a vision in small groups.  I was able to get to know my coworkers a bit.  Their names their job title and more about the school 🙂

We hung our visions on the windows and read them together

 

My principal is so awesome she had a pirate theme going on.  We had eye patches and all!

We broke for lunch.   Look at these hoagies!! Or is that the jersey term? What do I call them in the south?  Subs? Sandwiches?

Such a great day.  I’m super excited to work with this school!

We played a few more games and helped clean up then were free to go ( but not until we all got a group pirate  eye patch picture!)
Finishing up my blog while at the airport and typing up summer progress reports for my kiddo.   Phew talk about non stop but productive 🙂
YET this trip brought me some more clarity. Must be that myrtle beach air.  This is going to be a GOOD thing for me:
After a day of training a quick walk on the beach and a teary-eyed call to Mom and Mike , all these things made me feel so much better and get things back into perspective
I began questioning if I’ve made the right decision. As I’ve mentioned before I liked my life in NJ. I love my job. I love my friends and family . So why am I doing this?


I am doing this for me and that is the hard part. I feel selfish. I feel guilty. Yet I have never really been on my own so for me this is a huge growing process.
I want challenge as scared as I am. I want to start fresh as uncomfortable as it may be.
Just as quickly as I began to hate it I just as quickly change my mind frame and began to love it (Positive)


Thursday night I met a bunch of friends and experienced my first Pelicans game (man these southerners really do love their sports!) The stadium was PACKED. Not clear as to if it were to support the Pelicans or for the $1 beer night specials? 🙂

Some friends were old friends that I’ve already known.  Others  I was meeting for the first time.
I am so happy to say that I have already formed some pretty unique,interesting and meaningful relationships here . I am excited to see where they will go. There really are great people here too!


During the game something occurred to me ….well maybe was just reaffirmed. 
I avoid and deplete myself of any pleasure.
My friend “J”, sitting next to me asked me a simple question

What do you do for fun?

Then I heard crickets

Hmmmm
At first I couldn’t really think of things…..but I quickly realized I lost myself and was transforming  into a chameleon. I was not thinking about my interests and likes instead I was trying to think of things that would socially be accepted as being fun or enjoyable. Or what “J” would think were “fun”.  Like my interests are wrong! Things that might be appealing to a large fun group was what was going through my mind. Yet I don’t like to drink.I don’t like loud places. I don’t like bars and clubs.I really do not enjoy bowling so what was I going to say?

After stating the above he kind of looked at me like well aren’t you boring


I decided not to let that get me down and started spewing off some things that I did like to do
I like to fish

I like to hike and like to bike

I like  to spend time with my dog

I like to spend time with friends and family

I love coffee

I love exploring

I love traveling

I love kayaking

I love my walks on the beach

I love my quiet mornings and quiet evenings

I like being busy during the day

I like to read

I like my quiet time

I like to listen to soft mellow music I like to listen to audio books

and yes I even like to drive

I like to dabble in cooking

I like to have a nice clean orderly place

I like to visit bookstores and libraries

THIS IS ME!
Sure these things may not sound appealing to some people but that doesn’t mean I am a boring person.  In fact I think I am complex and creative and I don’t need drinking bars and nightclubs to have a good time ( not that they are wrong!)
For me those things are un enjoyable. Yet I’m trying not to judge others if that is what makes you happy please do it!
I realize that no one is really judging me except myself. I have always felt guilty and ashamed that I don’t enjoy some of the normal things society likes to do
Yet I am ready to own it and be proud of who I am and what I enjoy whether people accept it or not. It’s my life and I’m the only one that should really be worried and concerned about it.
So maybe my idea is of fun is throwing in  a rod and getting a fish and yours is drinking like a fish 🙂 neither one of us is right or wrong we are just being our true selves
So that brings me back to my original topic and I voiding myself or pleasure?

Yes and no

No because my interests and likes may be a little different and more quieter but those are really are things that I enjoy doing and they give me pleasure.

Yes
because I still feel guilty for liking the things I do. I feel in someway they are wrong and in turn, I avoid doing them as often as I need to and keep myself busy with tasks and work and productive things
Again it’s all about balance. Finding a way to get things done and still doing  things I enjoy
I think South Carolina will help me get there y’all

Healthy Lifestyle

ten things

ONE

Today I am #grateful for celebrating smiles and giggles with Amelia <3.

TWO

Today I am ALSO  #grateful for being surprised  that small “jobs” take much longer than originally anticipated and that is OK!

THREE

Moving is very stressful.

FOUR

It is HARD to leave things you love behind

People and material possessions.

I am avoiding thinking about all the wonderful friendships I have here. I avoid it because I KNOW I will remain in close contact with everyone. For me and my group of friends, we enjoy the time we have together, yet are not obligated to spend every waking moment with each other. No unrealistic expectations of daily talking or texting. I think my friends and I have a wonderful open relationship. We all know we will always be there for each other in stressful/needful times, yet do not push each other to do something we are uncomfortable with

SO….I am confident that my friends and I will remain great friends even though there will be a slight distance between us.

The positives?  Cheap flights and motivation to make a pretty awesome guest room for my friends and families!

FIVE

Guest room ideas 🙂

DIY Beverage Bar made with stock cabinets, chalky finish paint and butcher block! This space was a closet under the stairs. #decoartprojects #chalkyfinish #spon @decoart

this is similar to my current set up 🙂

Getting to the heart of hospitality: lots of easy tips for preparing your home for overnight guests.  ImpartingGrace.com

Most likely my guest room will also serve as my office space

bre pea. | the creative lifestyle blog of Bre Paulson: 5 home offices I'm lusting after

For the guest bathroom

Guest room closet- like the idea of a laundry basket in there for guests to put their dirty linens in and towel bars on the inside of the door @ Do it Yourself Home Ideas

LOVE

Love the twin beds in a guest room - Dear Lillie

Just throwing around some ideas. Honestly, my brain can not function properly at this time, so I can not give it my all . It will come once I am settled in ❤

SIX

Scared of change and new things.

I have taught MD (multiply disabled) for the past 8 years. I have never really done anything else. I am super scared and nervous to teach resource room. Its a complete new and different dynamic.

As much as I am excited for the change and challenge, I am equally as scared and nervous. The “what if’s” arise.
What if I suck

What if I hate it

What if they hate me

What if it is too much for me

What if……..I just accept it and deal with it and allow myself to learn and LOVE it.

I love teaching. I love children. I love the location I am in.

It is and will be what I make of it

SEVEN

Leaving things behind

It is so hard to leave behind the things I love and have grown so comfortble with.  It is even harder to accept that I have changed and need things around me to change.

I am so sad to have to leave behind my bedroom and most of all my home office.


I realize I have NO use for it. I will do MUCH better with a small little desk and work space. My current desk will not really flow with my beachy, easy breezy decor, NOT to mention it is heavy and a hassle to transport 500 miles!

It will be missed, BUT I am ready to lighten up and refresh with a new desk space that I will learn to love, quite possible MORE!

EIGHT

I need a new desk

Hamilton X Slat Office Desk - WhiteThreshold™ Double Trestle DeskSauder Shoal Creek Computer Desk, Soft White

NINE

Attempting my first Myrtle Beach  Pelicans Baseball game tomorrow night. That is if I am not exhausted from my early morning flight and day of training…..

TEN

My mom.

Seriously, I am going to have a very very VERY difficult time without her. I think it will be very good for both of us but I hope I am not in tears.

As far back as I can remember (My cousins, aunt and uncles can vouch) I would CRY my eyes out at night when I was away from my mom (think sleepovers, vacations, babysitting, etc).

I would always be fine during the day because I was distracted, but once the sun set, the tears came

I know I will see a lot of her this year, and it will give us both time to settle in, well ME to settle in and mom to pack up, clean up and MEET me in SC!

I am already missing and waiting for you mom!
I love you!

Healthy Lifestyle

UnManic Monday

Today I am #grateful for knowing the difference between an eating disordered life and a real life.

 

For my unManic post. I just wanted to share that I am beginning to not spend ALL of my days/hours/minutes focusing and thinking about food. I think my body is finally realizing that it can eat when it wants to.  I am no longer getting those crazy pangs of hunger. I think my body was so deficient before, that it was literally “starving” all the time.

Today on my way to work in the morning, I really began to realize this.  Sure, I still am struggling. However I am no longer thinking about food constantly. I am giving my body what it wants, when it wants it, which is freeing me up for OTHER things besides food thoughts!

As wonderful as it is, its also a struggle, because now I have the time to think about all the other issues in my life , currently move related anxiety. Yet, I am not complaining. Real life is hard, but it is much more rewarding to get through life’s ups and downs than be bogged down by food and exercise thoughts. Life is TOO short!

 

As bummed as I am about the anxiety, I am so proud of myself for getting through, in a healthy way  🙂

I am beginning to TRUST my body ❤

Your turn

1.  What is making you anxious today?
2.  What made you feel ALIVE today?

Healthy Lifestyle

WEeKenD uPdaTe

Today I am #grateful for my legs because they allow me to walk through some pretty amazing things in nature and in life :)

The Sunday Funday slump.

I realize I have a very difficult time unwinding and just being with myself. If I am not constantly on the go or busy, I feel pretty down and ……miserable.

I really want to enjoy these down moments I have. Unplanned, unstructured, uneventful. I need these things in my life, yet it is one of the MOST difficult things to deal with. I am tired, yet bored out of my mind. I don’t have the energy or motivation to pack. I don’t want to read. I don’t want to do any work, I also don’t know what I DO want

Ever have moments like these? Times like these make me wish I had kids just so I did not have the time to get all mopey and depressed. I am sure every single parent is wishing for a day in my shoes, where they can just do nothing.

So I get how lucky and grateful I am. Yet some days that just is not enough for me. I want more. I want to be more. I want to do more.

So now I need to figure out how to be less. I need it. I will never find balance, if I can not just be with ME.

So here are some of my weekend highlights:

 

My first MMA event!  🙂 

I really enjoyed watching the fights AND the people at my first MMA event 🙂  It was quite the site, that is for sure. I was amazing by how tight knit the whole MMA community was. It seemed like such a welcome, positive experience.  From the outside, it was a bit intimidating and “scary”. Tattoos, yelling, drinking, men in suits…..but when you really sat down and absorbed what was going on, you saw the determination, hard work, support and commitment that went into it.  I am impressed by the event and community. Not sure if it is something I will be following but it was quite an experience that really peaked my interests!

Photo courtesy of my partner in crime “S”~!  

The first fights were fun to watch but began to drag a bit. The MMA style fighting we were all excited to see, turned into a mat wrestling match, which was a little boring. Mostly because it was difficult to see down that low AND the spectators standing in the way.  The main event was SO hopeful. The two made the crowd go wild!  There was to be 5 rounds (5 min each) versus the typical 3 rounds (5 min each) So we were all pumped. Round 1 was FAST. They were on  their feet the entire time, they were shooting around like little firecrackers. They were fast on their feet and their hands! THEN………an illegal move ended it all. “S” and I were so disappointed. We opted to sneak out (our sneaky introvert ninja move!) and get to the car before the (pissed off) crowds joined us.

The BEST part. The cause. The events proceeds went towards fighting for AUTISM awareness ❤

Happy Birthday to my sweetest godson, Justin!  (He is 4!!)

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What a fun pool party for ALL!! I really had an awesome day with my family ❤  The kids had a blast!  What more can you ask for. HOpefully they all passed out early from all the sugar, sun and fun!

Playing Tourist

in Philly 🙂

 

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Movies with Mom

Outlander (we watch 2 more episodes!)

FYI. I still do no like Claire!

Reading

 

Finished! (Thank god!)
Hostile Witness by Rebecca Forster

Hostile Witness (Witness Series, #1)

Eh. I give this 2 out of 5 stars.

I was bored. Unimpressed and could not wait to just “get through”. This should not be how I feel about reading. I almost gave up a few times, but stuck with it, thinking maybe there would be a good twist/ending? Nope. However I had to finish

Ice Cream

Nom nom nom!

Seriously. Maple Shade Custard stand is the BEST BEST BEST!

Healthy Lifestyle

Friday

Today I am #grateful for this refreshing weather because it makes me feel alive and invigorated.

 

I am completely enjoying my Friday’s off this summer! I had a great walk with my friend “D” this morning, she is always and inspiration ❤  Plus the pups got to get out and explore a bit. Two for two!

 

For my next relationship 🙂  I will admit to being guilty to all of these at one point in my previous relationships, however I have learned so much the past few years

15 Things You Should Never Do in A Relationship

Feeling:

Irritated.  On the train watching a man pace back and forth, back and forth back and….you get it.  My shameful thought:  he’s most likely an addict and this feeling alone irritates me beyond controls.  I try not to judge but just being honest

Ashamed

I was being honest with my mother tonight and feel as if I have really disappointed her with a feeling I have. I don’t like that I have this feeling, but I also do not want to pretend like I don’t

Sporting:

New starfish earrings, courtesy of “mom”

IMG_0334-0exploring:

I have lived in and near Philadelphia my entire life, yet I can barely tell you a thing about the history, buildings and culture. So today, 2 weeks before I leave for SC, I decided to take a little walking tour.

I started on this tour, but quickly lost interested and made my own tour by choosing places that interested me

Here’s a few places I did end up:

Polish American Cultural Museum (FREE)

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The famous bread, salt and wine Polish wedding tradition (which I had at my own weddingIMG_0329-0

I remember growing up with these scattered through out the house. My babcia would bring these dolls home with her from her trips to Poland regularly. I was also so drawn to them as a kiddo!

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My dad had a replica ship just like this !

 

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I have NEVER been to Jewelers Row!
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I hate Steven Singer!IMG_0327-0

Saw these beautiful sunflowers and had to pose for a friend 🙂

IMG_0333-0A pleasant surprise:

I read Paper Towns by John Green a few weeks back. (review) As I mentioned, I was not too happy with the book. I think it was more of an uncomfortable feeling for me more than a “dislike”. I realize that more now after seeing the movie with my mama last night ❤

We went to the new Moorestown Regal theaters and I have to say I was a bit disappointed withe the seats! They are NO WHERE as comfortable as the Marlton 8 seats! Pssssshhhhh. We are kinda spoiled these days, lounging around watching movies, complaining about reclining seats NOT being good enough 🙂 EH, anyway, back to the movie

I really enjoyed it , so did my mom!  I had read the book so it was neat to point out and see the differences!  There is also a slight little surprise for all the JOhn Green fans out there about half way through the movie (I had no idea, however the audience reaction caused me to investigate)

The movie made me look at the book in a different light. Instead of feeling annoyed with “Q” and his desperate, almost pathetic, search for his missing love.  The movie showed so much more such as learning about life, forming friendships , and to be “present”. Something that is a huge part of my continuous search these days 🙂

So, congrats. The movie has swayed my decision on the book as well as the message being sent.

My mom and I both thought this little girl did a WONDERFUL job playing the younger Margo

 

 

Healthy Lifestyle

Thankful Thursday

Today I am #grateful for laughing about our bookclub adventure :).

It’s that time again. Thankful Thursday! 🙂

Speaking of it’s/its (This is for all you grammar fiends!) …..

I read this amazing article today on happiness. I have been working on finding/gaining/owning happiness for quite some time now. This article was like “SMACK” in my face

DUH

However it makes total sense. My way of thinking has always been black or white, all or nothing (with food, school work, etc) I have mostly gravitated to the ALL part of things leaving me with NO balance and feeling completely depleted and ……exhausted (something I complain about on a regular basis)

well, it finally has clicked!

Life is not about being happy or unhappy. There are SO many other feelings and emotions in between!  Accepting that is the most difficult part. Accepting how you feel at the moment and realizing that you will experience happiness once again. This isn’t to say I am going to stop seeking happiness, I know I still have a lot of work to do on my own to make things pleasurable for myself, but I am really going to focus on how I feel in the moment.  I will not be happy ALL time time, nor will I be unhappy ALL the time.

Check out the article that truly changed my way of thinking HERE

 

BOOKS, Healthy Lifestyle, Travel

Wednesday wants

Today I am #grateful for finding buried treasure like, friendship,  in unexpected places.

 

Wednesday Wants

 

I want

some inspiration and motivation back. I feel SO burnt out with life.  I really need to find a way to recharge and refresh in a meaningful way?

I feel I have had such a crazy past few months that I have not really allowed myself the rest my body needs. I am exhausted physically and mentally and that is getting me no where far.

I need to figure this out before it spins deeper out of control

I want

to do this Philly Walking Tour this Friday ❤

I want

to see a Burlesque show

strip tease orchestra at The World Cafe this Friday night

I want

to try pole dancing

I want

the lawn to magically mow itself 🙂

I want

to have more energy (again)

I want

to stop following so many blogs

They are only making me feel insufficient and lazy. I think a lot of my self worth comes from seeing what everyone else is doing and I feel like I should be doing MORE

I want

to share how I felt while mowing my parents lawn and my neighbors lawn service showing up during……

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I want

my dad to continue with his artistic talent. He is so talented and made me this special surprise, which I adore ❤

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I want need

a pedicure

 

I want

to figure out a way to read longer, withOUT falling asleep

I want

to see Paper Towns.

Paper Towns

I just finished the book last week (See my review here) and although did not really care for it much, still am drawn to see the movie. Maybe it will be better? Maybe?!

I want

some ice cream now

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream from Cooking Classy

My favorite? Either plain ol’ vanilla (soft serve) or Mint Chocolate Chip

This is What Your Favorite Ice Cream Says About You

I want

To check out this NEW Polish Deli in Myrtle Beach ❤

 

Healthy Lifestyle

Two for Tuesday

 

 Today I am #grateful for the next steps on my journey to my new home and fresh start in sunny SC <3. It will be an adventure and journey for sure, I am so grateful for the opportunity for a “clean new slate” 

ONE

Restrictive eating and exercise addiction is so much easier than living life 😦

I have come to realize that my eating disorder and exercise abuse had become my safe place
It is so much easier to live on a strict schedule and have order , routine and no surprises in your life
Every day was the same.  The same running routine. The same eating routine. No surprises ,no changes. Just comfort and security


I did not need to worry about forming relationships, working on communication, being myself, living with my feelings and emotions
Every day is different for me now  AND it’s hard
Some days I want to be alone some days I don’t. My days consist of finding that balance and fairness for myself and others around me
 I realize I need people and I’m relying on them more and more. People and connections bring me joy and happiness. I am becoming a full person
YET  that road to recovery is so hard


Food is no longer much of an issue.  In fact I’m realizing that food is just OK.  Sure it taste good at times, I feel hunger and have some cravings. Yet it doesn’t nearly bring me  as much joy or satisfaction as I thought it would. I thought food and overcoming my ED would bring me happiness and make everything perfect.  Yet it is not. Food and eating is not my savior. My miracle to happiness.  Sure, I have cravings for certain things but not every day and that’s OK. I’m happy I’m not relying on food to bring me happiness because that’s not healthy either
I am still struggling with my obsessive thoughts.  That is the one thing standing in my way of pure pleasure and happiness. It all stems from there. I am unable to fully live because those thoughts are there.


Some days I am so restless and uneasy and unable to pinpoint what my emotions are.  At those times I feel it would be so much easier to go back to my restrictive way of life, at least that way I had a routine and schedule and didn’t have to worry about my feelings or anyone else’s.   I didn’t have time to.  I was to preoccupied with thinking about my food and exercise routine there was no time left for anything else
I didn’t have time to be present and listen to my friends and family. I didn’t have time to be present and watch the people around me change and grow. I didn’t have time to focus on myself and deal with all the good bad and uncomfortable feelings I experience on a daily basis just like everyone else
I’m being 100% honest here.  It was much easier. I often times miss those feelings because it made me avoid everything else
However I realize this is just another step in recovery and I will get through this.   I will find my true happiness
Don’t get me wrong my life does have happy moments it’s just a lot of work to get there.  A lot of self talk and forcing myself to be present and enjoy moments and people. Those moments are there, but I also need to realize and accept that my life will not be filled with happiness ALL the time. There are other emotions:  Anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, love, pleasure.  It is not ALL or NOTHING, HAPPY or SAD.  There are SO many emotions and feelings in between those.


Simple example of how I am finding happiness:   a few hours just chatting with my friend. Just really being present and listening to her. This  brought me so much happiness, fulfillment and joy and I learned so much.

I need to learn. I need to grow. I need challenges. THOSE are the things that bring me happiness, pleasure and joy.

For me learning and growing is the biggest pleasure

I have spent my entire life worried about making others happy and I have completely avoided and dismissed all the things around me.  Anything I should have taken pleasure in, I instead resorted to helping others find pleasure in them.
My friend has a passion for music and books and it’s amazing to see how emotional she gets about them.
For me music brings me feelings of uneasiness. My past relationships were unhealthy. I never took interest in music, art, etc because I was “following” their lead.  Whatever they enjoyed, I made sure they had it. I wanted them to have a great time and feel happy.  I have associated music with drugs and alcohol because that’s all I got to see from it, and this has left a bitter taste in my mouth. I just assumed thats why people went to concerts/shows. they just wanted and excuse to get drunk or high. I realize now this is furthest from the truth. There ARE people that are so passionate about music, art, theater, etc. I was just associating with the WRONG people that had their own unhealthy addictions.

Not once was I ever present to enjoy the music ,sounds, words or emotions
Instead I spent my time focusing on the other person :  where they happy? Are they having a good time? How can I ensure they were being happy?
This is where I look back and beat myself up how could I have been so naïve and depriving to myself?
Yet today I choose to no longer beat myself up and instead live life the way I should and want to
Yes I may be turning 35 in a few days but this is my awakening.  This is my time. This is all about me. If people want to judge let them because in the end we are all seeking the same thing happiness.  For the short time we have here on earth
So today I realize and accept the feelings of missing my strict eating routine ,my 4 AM runs and my excessive thoughts
However I also realize that I was not happy nor what did I have any quality of life

Two

Let children think and talk for themselves. Give them time. Avoid putting words in their mouth.

Today at the library, my little lady “L” wanted to help the librarian put some books away. She finally got up the nerve and walked over to her (WAY TO GO “L”!)

She was a bit nervous and was gearing up her confidence to ask to help, WHEN the librarian jumped in (with in seconds) and put words right in here mouth
“OH, you want a new sticker? Ok, go to the front desk and Ann will give you one”

WHAT!?

“L” followed orders and went over, she looked confused. Sure, I would too! Yet she got her new sticker, put it on and walked back over. I sat back and observed. Could she do it this time? I saw her take a deep breath, and finally said “Can I help put the books away”

Librarian “Ohhhhhhhhhhh, of course, here you go”. “L” was thrilled with herself and the librarian also was as now she had less work to do.

This just is the perfect example of how we, adults, don’t allow children to think for THEMSELVES. We are too quick to jump in and try to fix things for them. Then we complain that kids “Can’t do anything for themselves, avoid independence”. Of course they can’t. We are not allowing them

So next time your child, niece, nephew or student approaches you, give them some TIME. Let them think for themselves first. Let them get up the courage.

After the little boost of confidence, we set out for Maker Camp and our Super Slimy Science adventure. These are free classes/camps being offered by the Burlington County Library.  They offer so many wonderful classes and programs. I was quite impressed by the “scientist” and “L” really had a blast, plus learned some incredible stuff along the way.

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Waiting and reading. We took turns reading the Cat in the Hat 🙂

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Then we found out the classes was running late and had an hour to spend. So we brainstormed and came up with Ice Cream Sundaes 

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A little more fun before we get slimed

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Meet Cyclone Sue , our scientist for the day. (Wow, she was impressive. She was so great with the rowdy kiddos. She kept her calm, composure and answered so many of the mini “scientists” questions. She was GREAT with the kids as well as super knowledgeable. I asked her if she was a teacher , for she was so collected and great with the kids, she said she was NOT. I said she should be 🙂

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Waiting patiently  to make some slime

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mix it like the mad scientist you are

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and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  Slime!

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here it is! 🙂 and there it goes……right in the trash, for the warning that it will pretty much destroy any clothing, carpet or upholstery, not willing to take that on 

Healthy Lifestyle

UnManic Monday

Today I am #grateful for learning to listen to my body by listening to my hunger ques as well as my energy level ques.

Happy Monday !

 

This morning I am feeling very anxious. Its definitely the transition from weekend mode to work day mode. Yes its summer, things are less structured, less pressure, shorter hours, BUT it still gives me major anxiety. So my morning and day will be spent talking myself through that I CAN DO THIS and will. I know I will be fine, just the anticipation of it all makes me feel “off”.

Un-Manic

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Massage

I gave my mom one of my wonderful Hand and Stone Massages yesterday because she REALLY, TRULY needed and deserved on. She absolutely LOVED it, I am so happy it brought her some relief and joy

That little lady has been busting her butt the past few weeks by taking care of herself, the house/yard and still managing to take care of OTHERS! All while wearing a big smiley face 🙂

That  She is my true inspiration!

Un-Manic

I don’t want to do anything.

I am beat, tired, exhausted, nervous, scared and unmotivated. It really takes a lot for me to get going. I find I am pushing myself harder to get things done. I think it is my fear standing in my way of true pleasure and enjoyment.

I am finding myself , once again, wanting to avoid people. I’d rather be alone, listening to my music or audio books while working on packing, organizing, etc.  I can not really focus and work with others around, so I prefer to do it alone.   I do not like this about myself at all, and would like to find some balance, because because alone sucks……at times 🙂

 

Un-Manic

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Venting. What are YOUR thoughts? I can see both points, check out this article. How do you balance your life/relationships? I have always had difficulty myself finding balance, I would either a) say nothing at all to anyone b) spill it all.  Here I am learning balance is key ONCE again (isn’t balance the solution to almost anything!?  🙂  )

Healthy Lifestyle

Sunday Funday/Weekend update

Today I am grateful for acknowledging the fear of my move

I am participating in the Gratitude Mad Libs Challenge, hosted by Kaila Prins of In My Skinny Genes blog. I absolutely LOVE the idea. Each day you start off with a fill in the blank about something specific you are grateful for. It encourages you to face your feelings, which I need 🙂

I’ve been avoiding

thinking about my move because it is scary.  A new place , a new school, packing , unpacking , planning , driving , redecorating, learning a new school system and curriculum , setting up a new classroom

I have been there and done this all…………10 years ago, with my ex husband. My biggest fear? HOW am I going to do this alone?  Yes, I know technically I am not alone in this. I have amazing family and friends, and of course have reached out to movers to help me with things I just can not do. Its still just not the same. No one else takes pride or excitement in your life as you do, or your partner does. Not saying I wish I were in a relationship AT all. That is not the fear. Its just scary to be FINALLY doing something for just ME. I have never done anything for just ME. My motivation came before from doing things for others. My moves and life changes were EASY because I was able to focus on making my partner happy. I made choices and did things based upon what I felt would make THEM happy.

No more of that. Sure, this sounds so wonderful, I get to do everything for me. BUT this is yet my biggest fear and challenge. Maybe deep down I still do not feel “worthy”, however this is something I really need to focus on because I am NOT going to spoil this amazing opportunity for myself by being………..miserable

Also

I am scared I won’t be able to do it or have the energy and strength to do it

I am scared

This move is about change for me.  Something I fear so much.  It’s about slowing down, living life, balancing.  I am not going to turn this into something negative.  I will get through this. It is much easier for me to remain comfortable and complacent in my current condo, job and situation. However at the same time, THIS is my opportunity to start new and fresh. I have many unhealthy memories here. My food and exercise addictions the worst of them. Not to mention my over achievement and commitment to work.

This is now my opportunity to start anew and really stick to finding BALANCE in my life. I feel like here in NJ it is definitely achievable but with a lot more work. It takes a lot and a long time to undo all the mess you make

 Mini Melt Down

Yup, it has begun. I had one yesterday morning. Fear, anxiety, and realization finally kicked in. Thank god for my wonderful mom who is ALWAYS there for me to support, listen and give me hugs.  I know I will be ok, I just need to let it out sometimes

Together we tackled some undesirable tasks yesterday, she helped me get back on track and focus on the positive

We:

  • Booked the moving truck!
  • Packed up my office
  • Packed up all my china

I can not believe how much stuff accumulated!  I have tons to give away, my readers, family and friends have first dibs on some stuff 🙂

If anyone wants these beautiful crystal glasses, pick them up and they are YOURS!! 🙂

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I love them, just have no purpose for them. I am not a fancy gal. I like my nice, everyday drinking glasses best and do not really have the storage space to keep these in the good ol’ south 🙂

Ok, enough of the whining and crying about my move.

Lets move on to some fun stuff:

 The New Dad’s Guide to Surviving Your Wife 

(honestly, I just thought this title was hilarious!  It does have some good tips though too 🙂  )

Friday I went fishing with my cousin. We ventured out to 7 Bridges in Tuckerton

Woah. This place is breathtaking (minus the killer flies)

We stopped by Captain Mikes Marina for some bait (and sinkers)

Clean, friendly and lots of adorable pups!

We found our spot, set out for some bait fish and had a lovely view of the Old Fish Factory

 

 

We were curious as to what this was, so after a little research I discovered it used to be a pretty kicking fish factory back when it was built in 1930. It closed its doors down in 1969. This factory was nicknamed “The Stink House”

Read more about it here

I came across this older blog about a girl that set out to explore the island, pretty interested pictures (just beware of the coast guard!)

The fishing was not the best. In fact we only had one “real” catch and that was right in the beginning of the day

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we also caught a:

  • clam
  • Stingray
  • a fishing rod

I think the fishing rod was the biggest success 🙂

BUT my highlight was seeing this amazing and beautiful long nosed fish swim by. Luckily it came back so others saw it too, otherwise I would have looked like I was telling a “mermaid tale” 😉

We are thinking it was either:

A Needle Nose fish that are in the NJ waters like this SMALL guy (they have been known to grow larger, the one I saw was HUGE)

(Still bigger than this)

OR quite possibly a………

Baracuta

This guy caught this in NJ!

Read here!

The one we saw was not quite as large, BUT it was close!

Yikes!