I really feel like I am a Saturday Scatterbrain right now. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind and roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. I am sure a lot if you can relate
I had to fly out to SC for two days for training and team building. Both were great just overwhelming and tiring. Between travel and cramming so much into two days. I am tired
When I am tired and anxious I can not just “sit and relax”. It is much more soothing for me to be moving and doing something. That calms me down . Yet when I physically am too exhausted to walk, move etc I become cranky and grumpy and dazed.
So here is a recap of my whirlwind of the past two days 🙂
Another awesome flight on spirit!
I really love flying out of Atlantic city. Yes it’s a bit further but the airport is small and so easy to maneuver. My flights have always been a breeze her versus philly!
Then it was straight to corrective reading training. Phew. Intense. Just not at all what I am used to
Did you know that Horry County is the TOP performing county in all of SC!! Woop woop!! 🙂 Read more here
Being honest it is very overwhelming. My first hour of training I think I had a mini panic attack. I just did not get it , understand or think I could do it.
Halfway through my view changed. I Accepted that it was difficult but definitely attainable. It is just completely different from the way I have always taught in NJ. I am
scared terrified of change. I have never taught by scripting . I just kind of naturally go with the flow . So it is going to be a very difficult transition for me to script things. I’m going to have to still make it my own someway. That is something for me to figure out this year.. Challenge #1( of a million)
So far I like the programs (positive). I think they can work especially with a little fine-tuning and my creativity. I think it will make for a very good reading program. Granted I’m not certain if any of my students will even follow the methods I was taught during my training (depends on my student load, which is not available yet and will change once testing begins) but it’s still good to know and I’m sure will help me in other areas.
Everyone here is so nice, willing and helpful! They really do know how to make me feel at home!
From arriving and feeling like an outlander to feeling like I’ve been taken under the wing by many mama birds. It is quite an adventure in “Carolinaland “
We did break for lunch and I headed over to a favorite of mine , Eggs Up, in Conway for a delicious omelette 🙂
Then I showered and hit up my first Pelicans Game with some of these guys!
On the way home I had to stop at public to grab some oats, almond milk and fruit for breakfast ,
I passed out pretty FAST since I had been up since 3 am (Flight) and awoke to find this guy…….again
Then it was coffee time. No wawas in sight BUT I tried Kangaroos and you know what’s? I’m in love!
They have a really nice set up with great coffee choices!
I went for a little walk around my new neighborhood to prep for my team bldg day ahead. It was a beautiful morning!
I arrived at school to a plethora of cars filling the lot! Wooooo my new work buds! I walked in and immediately was asked to stand up and talk about myself
“Oh, hey, um, i like books and the beach and coffee, oh and kids, i like kids?”
That’s how you do it! No time to stress or fear! I just got up and ……talked! Hopefully I made some sense?! At least I didn’t say “I carried a watermelon”. Hopefully…….
The day began with a fun ball toss game ice breaker activity (all activities were suggestions of things we could do with our students). Whatever our thumb landed on when we caught the ball, we had to answer the question. Cute and fun (I answered my favorite Disney movie and places I have swam this summer)
We had to come up with a vision in small groups. I was able to get to know my coworkers a bit. Their names their job title and more about the school 🙂
We hung our visions on the windows and read them together
My principal is so awesome she had a pirate theme going on. We had eye patches and all!
We broke for lunch. Look at these hoagies!! Or is that the jersey term? What do I call them in the south? Subs? Sandwiches?
Such a great day. I’m super excited to work with this school!
We played a few more games and helped clean up then were free to go ( but not until we all got a group pirate eye patch picture!)
Finishing up my blog while at the airport and typing up summer progress reports for my kiddo. Phew talk about non stop but productive 🙂
YET this trip brought me some more clarity. Must be that myrtle beach air. This is going to be a GOOD thing for me:
After a day of training a quick walk on the beach and a teary-eyed call to Mom and Mike , all these things made me feel so much better and get things back into perspective
I began questioning if I’ve made the right decision. As I’ve mentioned before I liked my life in NJ. I love my job. I love my friends and family . So why am I doing this?
I am doing this for me and that is the hard part. I feel selfish. I feel guilty. Yet I have never really been on my own so for me this is a huge growing process.
I want challenge as scared as I am. I want to start fresh as uncomfortable as it may be.
Just as quickly as I began to hate it I just as quickly change my mind frame and began to love it (Positive)
Thursday night I met a bunch of friends and experienced my first Pelicans game (man these southerners really do love their sports!) The stadium was PACKED. Not clear as to if it were to support the Pelicans or for the $1 beer night specials? 🙂
Some friends were old friends that I’ve already known. Others I was meeting for the first time.
I am so happy to say that I have already formed some pretty unique,interesting and meaningful relationships here . I am excited to see where they will go. There really are great people here too!
During the game something occurred to me ….well maybe was just reaffirmed.
I avoid and deplete myself of any pleasure.
My friend “J”, sitting next to me asked me a simple question
What do you do for fun?
Then I heard crickets
At first I couldn’t really think of things…..but I quickly realized I lost myself and was transforming into a chameleon. I was not thinking about my interests and likes instead I was trying to think of things that would socially be accepted as being fun or enjoyable. Or what “J” would think were “fun”. Like my interests are wrong! Things that might be appealing to a large fun group was what was going through my mind. Yet I don’t like to drink.I don’t like loud places. I don’t like bars and clubs.I really do not enjoy bowling so what was I going to say?
After stating the above he kind of looked at me like well aren’t you boring
I decided not to let that get me down and started spewing off some things that I did like to do
I like to fish
I like to hike and like to bike
I like to spend time with my dog
I like to spend time with friends and family
I love coffee
I love exploring
I love traveling
I love kayaking
I love my walks on the beach
I love my quiet mornings and quiet evenings
I like being busy during the day
I like to read
I like my quiet time
I like to listen to soft mellow music I like to listen to audio books
and yes I even like to drive
I like to dabble in cooking
I like to have a nice clean orderly place
I like to visit bookstores and libraries
THIS IS ME!
Sure these things may not sound appealing to some people but that doesn’t mean I am a boring person. In fact I think I am complex and creative and I don’t need drinking bars and nightclubs to have a good time ( not that they are wrong!)
For me those things are un enjoyable. Yet I’m trying not to judge others if that is what makes you happy please do it!
I realize that no one is really judging me except myself. I have always felt guilty and ashamed that I don’t enjoy some of the normal things society likes to do
Yet I am ready to own it and be proud of who I am and what I enjoy whether people accept it or not. It’s my life and I’m the only one that should really be worried and concerned about it.
So maybe my idea is of fun is throwing in a rod and getting a fish and yours is drinking like a fish 🙂 neither one of us is right or wrong we are just being our true selves
So that brings me back to my original topic and I voiding myself or pleasure?
Yes and no
No because my interests and likes may be a little different and more quieter but those are really are things that I enjoy doing and they give me pleasure.
Yes because I still feel guilty for liking the things I do. I feel in someway they are wrong and in turn, I avoid doing them as often as I need to and keep myself busy with tasks and work and productive things
Again it’s all about balance. Finding a way to get things done and still doing things I enjoy
I think South Carolina will help me get there y’all