Today I am #grateful for the simple things, like family, because family will always unconditionally love and support each other ❤
Have you ever had a “feeling” that you just can not pin point?
Well, I do.
Its a weird, uncomfortable, and awkward feeling. I can not for the life of me, pinpoint it. I believe that is part of the problem, TRYING to pinpoint it instead of just “being” with it
Regardless. Its there, and its there again……right now!
I sit here and stare at my computer screen, the boxes around me, my “yoga” map in front of me, and I feel numb.
I realize this is my last Sunday in NJ. I leave for my adventure and new beginning on Friday.
I realize this is my last week working at a place I have loved so much for the past 4 years.
I realize this is my last week drinking my Wawa coffee 🙂
All these thoughts plus many more race through my mind. I am not sad about them, however I am not happy or excited either.
I am just NUMB.
I start thinking about all the things I need or should be doing, then I become overwhelmed and push those feelings aside. I can not seem to focus on the present OR on what is next to be done. I don’t want to wait until last minute, and quite honestly and pretty ahead of the game. It is just those things I can not control that scare and terrify me. Yet, deep down I know things will all work out
Why worry over things that have not happened? Why worry about things that are out of my control? What a waste of time and life!
How do I get over this constant worry? If it is not money, its my health. If it is not health, it is my job. It is always something in this crazy, complex, difficult brain of mine.
I feel the stress and worry. I feel it in my face. I feel the wrinkle lines form. I feel the blank “deer in the headlight” stare that glazes over me. I feel …………numb
I want to feel good. I want to feel happy. I want my passion to come back and excite me.
I have a fresh new slate and instead of getting excited about it , I worry I will NOT be able to do it.
So whatever this “feeling” is I have, I am going to do everything in my power to make it “Go away”. I can do it.
This year I have done SO much. I always fear I can’t do things, yet I always do them 🙂
This year I:
tackled and overcame my eating disorder
realized my unhealthy relationship with exercise AND did something about it
spent time building relationships
searched for the real “me”
dealt with many uncomfortble things from food to situations (and survived!!)
learned how to take care of a lawn
spent time “training” my dog and my parents
really listened to my students and connected with them
stopped trying to make things WORK but repeating the same unsuccessful routine and researched, explored and attempted NEW ways to look at things and resolve them
researched schools and found a new job
discovered the hectic world of real estate
made many life changing decisions, for myself
learned to STOP seeking others approval
learned to eat in front of others NOT caring whether they judged me or not
Began accepting my likes and desires instead of being ashamed of them
Told people how I really feel , even if it is scary or hard
Tried new things from experiences to foods
Got myself out of unhealthy habits, patterns and routines
of course all of these things are still a work in progress. However, I need to really give myself MORE credit for the accomplishments I have made this year. Fear is and can be a good thing.
For me, fear gives me that extra push. Sometimes I need it.