The following describe how I am CURRENTLY feeling, I realize these feelings are uncomfortable BUT remind myself they are only temporary
I feel Blank: that word describes my feeling quite accurately. I feel blank or empty. My brain is on overload it just wants to shut down. I am leaving in two days and instead of gearing up with excitement, I am worrying.
I look around at the world around me, and realize in perspective my issues are nothing. People have so much hurt, pain, sadness, and here I am once again turning something positive into something dreadful. I NEED TO STOP, now! It is just so hard to control those voices and feelings.
The worries are out of my control, yet I still can not seem to move past. Relying on others for help, is a big cause of my anxiety. I realize I can NOT do things alone, yet at the same time do not want to feel like a burden to others.
I just want to get to SC and sit down on my couch and just sleep. That is my true, honest current feeling
I have been fighting so much the past year, I am exhausted.
I have fought my hunger, and can no longer do it. I have given in, which is a WONDERFUL thing, yet it makes me feel like a failure. I was once able to control so much, I can no longer do it, nor do I want to. I miss that sense of “control” though
I have fought my tiredness. I still continue to push , push, push. In effect, I am exhausted and not really able to give my full attention to the task on hand. I want to be able to find a way to just relax. For me relaxation turns into falling asleep. I don’t WANT to fall asleep because then I will not get anything accomplished………yet I realize my body is tired an ineffective by constantly pushing it. I need to learn how to rest more, or better.
I’ve had to prove I am a great teacher that is willing to learn new things. From interviews to walking away from a place I love. I have fought with myself to be my real self instead of telling others what they may want to hear. This was my “old” ways. Surprisingly by being me, brought me MANY good things and many offers. I was able to choose the job that was the best for me, instead of them choosing me.
Yet all of this is so very uncomfortable for me. I am content with things as they are. I am just not sure that will ever be enough for me. I love a challenge, but fear I won’t be able to accomplish it and fail myself. Yet I can not allow my fear of the unknown stand in my way
I am almost there…..I can and WILL do this ❤