life really is a roller coaster. Emotions, feelings, physical well being, mental. All go up and down ………….all week long
Some Friday’s come and I wonders”how did I make it through the week??”
Things have been tough for me lately. I am battling some true exhaustion.
What I am learning is to find peace within myself and stop trying to do EVERYTHING
I want to do everything and be everything all the time. I always thought I was special and could somehow swing this super natural trick.
Well it has caught up to me and I am paying greatly both physically and emotionally
Why do we always feel we need to be more and do more? Why can’t we just be ok with where we are?
For me it’s more about a personal struggle. My brain tells me I have to do more or better than yesterday or “last time”
How it manifests?
In yoga…. I force and push myself to pain. Often times I do things that do NOT feel good because maybe the day before or last week I could easily do them. Yet I stop listening to my body and ignore that voice.
Where does this get me? In pain and pretty much unable to walk or move properly for at least a day or two
Walking. I love walking and listening to my podcasts or audiobooks. On the beach. Around my neighborhood. New places same place. Great!
Yet I also like to force myself to “walk” when I am tired , sore or just plain do not feel like it. Yes some days I need it. Others it just makes me feel worse. I need to leant to listen to my body once again but I let that ugly angry selfish ED take over
Work. I focus on doing more. Learning more. Being more. Yet fail to be present in the moment. I need to trust myself and learn the way I need to. Slowly. Hands on. And one thing at a time. Instead of trying to tackle and learn it all at once! By doing this it’s not serving me only adding to my exhaustion. I need to allow myself to slow down so that I can really “get” things. Time frame should not matter
My weekend to do list. It fills quickly. I’m afraid of being alone with myself and thoughts for too long. They make me incomfortable. Soooooo I jam pack my schedule. GreT right? Wrong! This leads me to anxiety because
1. I am rushing to get places I have made commitments to.
2. It exhausts me.
3. Causes feelings of dread rather than pleasure. (Who would enjy rushing around all day from place to place just to fill your time)
Doing one thing or nothing is good enough. I do not have to do everything. Most importantly I have to do what feels good and right for me.
Yet I feel guilty. I feel guilty turning friends down. I want to be social but right now, today, I need “me” time to just think and sort through things.
I just hope that I can be gentler on myself and hope others can give me the space I need to for the moment without taking it personally.
My days are busy. My nights are quiet and for me……
My plans for the evening…….