Healthy Lifestyle

 Flailing and failing

Lately my blog has been flailing AND failing.
I feel like one of those crazy blow up dolls stores use to annoy motivate you  

  
It used to serve as my outlet and release. Or a place I could write about all the exciting things I did or plan to do.  Lately my life has allowed no time for a passion of mine

And it’s all my fault

  
I have allowed myself to get caught up and stressed over things that don’t “serve” me. I have lost focus on something that was once (not long ago) becoming so clear. I have allowed it to happen again. 
 

can’t continue to allow things and feelings to control me and hold me back. It’s not fair to me and others around me. (Sorry mom!)

I feel like a few months ago I was a different person. I found excitement and passion in things. I enjoyed traveling, trying new foods, meeting new people, learning new things.  My trip to New Orleans was so magical. A growing experience. I look at pictures and had  a fire in my eyes and smile. 

        Then a move, new job and tons of responsibility came into play. I have let it consume me and overwhelm me. I have allowed it to take the uniqueness and life out of myself. I have been faking it. Pretending to be fulfilled and happy   Yet I am not.  Something is missing. It is ME that is missing. My voice.  Standing up for myself and feeling confident .   I fill my time with activities hoping they will being me happiness.  All they are bringing me is more ways to avoid the problem. Being afraid to have a voice. 

  
Until I let that voice come through all the activities In The world will not bring me joy. 

I have allowed the overwhelming feelings to just build and In turn take it out on myself in a form of self hate.  Telling myself I’m not good enough. Smart enough.  Thin enough.  I assure myself things would be different if I dressed nicer, was thinner, was more fit, stronger. losing  focus of what I have to be grateful for RIGHT NOW

Once I beat myself up with food and exercise.  Now it’s verbal abuse resulting in the same defeated terrible feeling about myself.    

 So my new goal is to get that passion back. 

Life is too short to sit around and mope. I have tried it. It does not work 

 I need and want to live right now because there are so many wonderful things around.

  
  And more importantly I need to stand up for what I feel is wrong or when I feel I am being taken advantage of. not being In The greatest place at the moment , have allowed myself to think I’m not worthy of a voice.  Yet I am! My voice is so important. I know a lot! I know what is best for me. I need to take risks even if I fail at times, or am laughed at or disagreed with.  That’s the only way I will grow and become strong again mentally and physically

So I am proud of myself for owning up to these feelings and finally deciding to do something about it and not just continue to let it grow. By losing my voice I lose myself and I can’t allow that to happen. I have worked too hard to get to where I am. I won’t allow anyone, especially myself, to stand in my way!
I leave you with a favorite quote I just saw…..

  

 

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