Some days, I really feel like I have lost all hope of finding someone that “Gets me”. Someone that I actually WANT to spend time with. Someone that listens, understands, unconditionally love. This beautiful response is SO, so, SO inspiring. Wow
Isn’t it funny how we can often see and notice the beauty all around us, yet we fail to see it in ourselves (or fail to believe it?)
I can so easily point out the beauty in nature, my friends, family, strangers. Yet I am so hard on myself. I deny myself that beauty, and I also am unwilling to accept it or believe it if others tell me so. This definitely comes from within. My own life situations have formed this idea and image.
This brings back so much feeling from my past. In school, I was teased constantly about my looks and appearance. I internalized this and felt shame. I felt like something was wrong with me and if I could only FIX it, things would be different. I tried different hairstyles, different clothing, different reactions. None of which were authentic. I believed if somehow people could like me, people would finally see the beauty inside me. I quickly became an easy target, because I allowed it. I allowed others to dictate and tell me what I should see and failed to see the real beauty I had. I believed them. NOT MYSELF. I started a mission to create and show that beauty. “I can be beautiful too”. Well, this did not end well. It turned into many years of disordered eating, exercise addiction, low self-esteem, unhealthy relationships, and so much more.
After my teens, when I began to date, I would often times feel great when I left the house. only to arrive at a bar, restaurant, party, etc, and immediately began to compare myself to others.
“Wow, she has that amazing outfit on, mine is from Target”, “Wow look how she did her makeup, I wish I knew how to do that!” , I noticed my boyfriends, dates, etc, looking at others, this immediately made me feel less. I felt invisible. I WANTED to be looked at! I did again what I did best and spent my childhood doing…….. Internalized all those things and told myself I was not good enough. #BULLSHIT
Those thoughts and feelings were just that….FEELINGS. Yet I took it upon myself to make it more than it was. Letting others insecurities become my own.
I recall a time in my life when I worked weekends doing photography as a second job. I wore black pants and a black shirt for all events. I was rushed, stressed, hot, a ball of emotions. I can clearly remember WISHING I could wear one of those beautiful dresses that the host/hostess or guests were wearing. I wanted that lifestyle. At least I thought I did. I look back now and in no way do I regret those times and feelings. They have helped me get to where I am at today. I am far from fully confident, but I am so happy with who I am and can honestly say there is NO ONE I would want to be. I no longer want all those things, because that is all that they are…..Things. Things do NOT make us happy. It is a temporary fix that gives us immediate pleasure, then it fades and you are left with yourself and your thoughts once again. This little thought has always worked to make me feel better in the moment:
“If I had the money, time, resources that those I envy did, I would be able to look the same“ Saying this to myself, knowing that I too COULD look or act a certain way, made me feel better. Then I realized something. I don’t even want to make that effort. It is not worth it. I CAN choose NOT to. I don’t want to be like them. I want to be just as I am. This “ME” is not worried about designer outfits, perfect hair, or expensive jewelry.
chooses to judge me or not give me the attention I love and deserve, well it is their loss.
Our life is a journey and a process. The more I walk away from and separate myself from society’s unrealistic views, I feel stronger and happier and love myself so much more.
Peoples reactions when they ask me the dreaded question…..”What are you doing tonight?” I often feel judged or less. I hear others talking about heading out to happy hour, or a live show, or something else that sounds like pure. utter. MISERY to me.
I would much rather stay home, in my sweats, reading a book, and avoid others. This is how I feel most of the time. This is not to say I seclude myself from the world, I don’t do that at all. I love being out in the world, but on my own terms. I chose my time wisely. I can surround myself with others that can have meaningful conversations together. I can go to a class, store, anything that requires my presence by not necessarily interaction (like browsing a bookstore, taking a yoga class (Just me and my mat), grabbing a cup of coffee and people watching) So I am not avoiding the world, life, people (well ok, maybe a few I am avoiding). I just don’t like or enjoy loudness, crowds, having to interact in ways that are not meaningful to me. I feel that I can respect others that love and enjoy this. GREAT! Go do you, have fun, yet I feel that others are not so accepting of “My Kind”. I realize this is personal and in my head. I need to stop worrying about what I “THINK” others are thinking because we all know what happens when we assume…..Here is a great essay about WHY WE DON’T WANT TO GO OUT
Also, LET GO of those thoughts that make us worry. A lovely and eye-opening article about a monkey…..getting his hand stuck in a coconut 🙂 #Life lesson
Something In The Water – 3.5 stars. This book had me from the start. I was engaged and found myself constantly looking for a free moment to read. However, it fell short for me with many loose ends (especially the ending).
The Girl He Used to Know I just started this one, but am already loving it!
Up Next: Homegoing
minimalism. But guys, minimalism will NOT solve your problems or make you happy. That comes from within. It is a tool, it is also something that you could easily obsess on (like I tend to do) I have a habit of going to extremes with things. It makes me lose focus of the big picture because it becomes a competition (with myself) Just like relationships will not make you “happy”, minimalism won’t either, if you are not healthy from the inside first. What I Wish Someone Told Me About Minimalism Before I Got Started
I have this problem. I want to do EVERYTHING. I think many of us suffer from this feeling on occasion (or daily!) It works like this. I wake up, have my coffee, and am filled with energy, motivation, clarity. I begin that never-ending to-do list. I want to do it all!
- I want to go to yoga
- go for a walk (because of this weather!)
- come up with the most unique, effective, exciting lessons to teach my students
- listen to all of my student’s needs
- organize my office space
- check all my emails
- read up on my blogs
- spend time with my friends
- visit my parents
- start a new project
- create a wonderful new dish
- write, blog, etc
- buy/wear a new outfit
- organize my house
- clean the tub
- spend time with others, yet at the same time crave my solitude
- read a few chapters in my book
- visit a museum after work
You get the point. The list is never ending and exhausting. All of these things are distractions. Because of the desire to do it all, I fail to give my all in doing one thing at a time. I fail to be fully present. I fail to truly listen to myself or others because I am already thinking ahead to the NEXT THING. I fail myself. I end up feeling terrible, miserable and exhausted. I have been known to cram quite a few of these things into a day or a few hours. Yet I still fail to let go of my ego and allow myself to focus on one thing. I am being very greedy. Yet. I am aware. This is a daily practice for me. Something I need to constantly remind myself of and talk myself down. Here are more tips for you , if you can identify
There’s a common safe place: Being busy.
We’re supposed to give you a pass because you were full on, all day. Frantically moving from one thing to the other, never pausing to catch your breath, and now you’re exhausted.
No points for busy.
Points for successful prioritization. Points for efficiency and productivity. Points for doing work that matters.
No points for busy.
I try to be understanding about society’s view on fitness, image, and ideals. Yet it is all around us. It is so difficult to love ourselves when we are constantly being told to improve ourselves. It is important to remember that these industries are pushing this because they know what our insecurities are. Our insecurities = their profit. Please, be kind to yourself. Start with building a positive self/body image. You don’t have control of what others do or say, but you are in control of yourself. Start by weaning through your social media accounts (or better off, take a hiatus!) You may not think something so simple will help, but I can attest, if you remove those unreal images from your world, it allows more space to focus on what really is important. Read this!
April is National Letter Month!! Who doesn’t love receiving a special something in the mail just for them! It is exciting and so personal! I will be partaking in this 30 days of letter writing challenge (along with my students! ) If you are interested, you can print the PDF with 30 different ideas HERE!
This would be the PERFECT opportunity to send someone you wronged, treated badly, or unfairly a little acknowledgment or even an APOLOGY. Did you bully someone in high school? Previous job, recently? Send them a little note telling them you are sorry. I think it would be so meaningful. I personally would LOVE to receive this acknowledgement from some people ….
Guys. If you have NOT started listening to the O.L.D. Podcast(s), PLEASE do so!! They have 5 different topics themed shows, and present daily excerpts of amazing, inspirational and important information! Great tips on relationships, finance, your daily life, health, and so much more. There really is something for everyone! I listen every single morning on my way to work to Relationships and Optimal Daily Living. Honestly, these set me up for a great day with some thought-provoking pieces and concepts. If you listen, let me know which show/article resonates with you!
Loving this smock dress so much!!
Car-free Costa Rica town??? SIGN ME UP!
Really trying to live a more sustainable life. It is hard. The temptation is all around. Inexpensive clothing stores (with adorable and fashionable finds), cheap labor, service, etc. Well, it comes with a price. Sure, it sucks spending your hard earned money on things that you can get much cheaper, BUT You have to remember and not dismiss or avoid thinking about how that cheapness, comes with a hefty price. Unfair treatment, cheap labor, toxic products, the list goes on. Here is an interesting read
- Would love to grab up a pair of these sustainable (made from plastic bottles!) and washable shoes, Rothy’s. I love the point style but my feet would probably thank me for going with the flat 🙂
- Also trying to make the switch to using “Cleaner” products, skin care, fragrances, chapstick. We spend so much time thinking about what we put INTO our bodies (organic, vegan, etc) yet we fail to give much thought to the products we use ON our skin. That is absorbed BY our skin. Here is a read by Michelle Pheiffer about your fragrances!
What are you reading/listening to/watching?
How do you pick yourself up after a fall?
What are your Easter/Passover/Spring Break plans?