It has been quite the hiatus, but recently a friend encouraged me to begin writing again. I love to write, it is my passion, WHY am I not doing it more? Fear? Writing brings me clarity, inspiration, and power. I like to hope and feel that the year 2020 (a few days away) is NOT behind my restart because I hate to be a cliche and follow the “New Year New Me” motto that we will hear so much about the next few weeks. So NO this is not New Year, New Me, this is New Year, Same Me….
Flowers in the Attic– Oh how I love this re-read so much! Brings me back to childhood when my cousin and I would skim through and read (Searching for the naughty parts, haha) I forgot so much of this book, and the characters are so cruel but well developed, it is bringing me all sorts of feels! I will have to watch the movie after
A few of my favorite and surprising reads in 2019
The Night Circus – beautifully written, surprising love for me, as it is out of my typical genre. When I read this, I felt like I was transported to a magical world, can’t say many books give me that “feel”
Curious – have you read this? Would love to hear your thoughts
Another surprising one for me (Thanks to Jeremy for the recommendation, or inspiration? Have YOU read it yet??)
I really enjoyed this and would recommend listening on AUDIO, one of the best audiobooks to listen to as each character has their own voice (and I believe quite a nice line of famous peeps that read aloud!)
I read this in one day/night!
Depression is SO hard. I have been fortunate to feel great the past few years minus a few ups and downs of mild depression. Nothing like what some are experiencing or what I have experienced in the past. A time of my life I hate thinking about it because it makes me feel sad and dark. This brings me back to when I was going through my major eating disorder spirals, where I was down for weeks and just stopped eating. I wanted to make myself small so that I could just “disappear, I struggled to get out of bed, off the couch, find a reason or purpose for my day. Felt like things would NEVER get better and I DIDN’T want them to. I enjoyed being in my safe misery. I loved the empty feeling in my stomach, it matched my life. Empty.
I feel like we are constantly looking for that high, whether it be with people, conversations, alcohol, food, etc. Going hard, because you seek that feeling, you crave that fix. I find myself in that cycle when things change, for example, having time off work and living a different schedule. The adjustment for me is SO HARD. It’s frustrating. Instead of enjoying and loving it, I often feel down. A friend recently mentioned and got me thinking about the concept of living your life in the “green zone” This is excellent and NOT just for diet and exercise. I think it can be any category of your life. It would work. Work, relationships, friends, etc. Take relationships, for example, if you are there TOO much for someone it’s not good, TOO little is not good either, but being there as best you can (Green zone – A moderate to vigorous-intensity zone) and then (red zone -A vigorous or high-intensity zone) When its something really important you can be there for them too? I don’t know just thinking and it seems to make sense at the moment to live your life this way. I like it. Not for the exercise but for overall life in general. I find it to be about balance. A great goal for 2020
I hate feeling less than my best. It is so difficult for me to listen to my own body cues, I want to control it and tell it how it SHOULD feel or be, and am realizing I cannot. I get irritated when I am hungry when I don’t want to be. Sore or tired when I want to feel great. Sad or insecure when I want to feel confident. ((((Sigh)))) Better accepting the feelings I have and experience and even giving in to them is quite challenging for me In a sense, this is great as I can
I have always felt like I was “weird” or different in many areas of my life. Especially when it came to eating. Now, I am realizing, accepting and proud of my eating patterns. I enjoy what I eat. I am finding balance and exploring and trying NEW, delicious foods. I am trying them to taste them, bring back memories, experience them with others NOT to stuff myself or my feelings and emotions. For many years of my life, I have been told my eating was “WRONG”. Nope, I am just fine. Sure, I struggle with thoughts and feelings, but so do YOU. In fact, I think my eating issues are better, easier and more manageable than yours. So before you go telling someone else how or what to eat, re-examine yourself. We should never judge what others choose to put into their bodies. They know what is right and wrong. They may be dealing with shame. It is not up to you to comment on it, because you just never know what you may trigger. So shut up and eat your own cake, or don’t 🙂
I have always described myself as an extroverted Introvert. Lol. I can and will be an extrovert when needed but it is so exhausted and leaves me depleted. How I wish it revived me. But …. Love this article which explains things in detail. Love the idea of identifying your hours and seasons of extroversion. For me morning and winter seem best. It’s when I feel full of energy. There is less to do outdoors because of the cold. I find myself craving and needing interaction during the day. I feel on. Energized. Clear. As the day progresses things become foggy and I find myself going back inside my head.
Travel and explore. There are so many places I would love to go. Some things I know for sure are that I do not like crowds or “touristy” destinations. I like unique and authentic and of course, something involving the outdoors and being active (Hiking anyone!??)
Friends and family, getting to spend another Christmas with them. Flawed or not 😉
My new French Press – looking for your favorite coffee recommendations PLEASE!
Yoga & Acro Yoga
my health – mental and physical
A much-needed break
Being able to sleep in (yes, this means 6:30 or 7 am )
Those that have completed their 200-hour yoga teacher training. That is TOUGH! Living your life and committing to 200 hours to learn about yourself and others. Wow. I am wavering with when to do it. I know I will, just when……
My own understanding of others. Some say its a curse, I feel it is a strength. I am able to see people how they are and accept them. Sure would I wish things were different? Yes, but I also understand YOU have to be ready when YOU are ready. I feel the past year has really brought my anger down to an all-time low. I like this. I think it’s a healthy way for me to live.
People that make you feel warm, cozy and comfortable with them.
My own openness to connect with others. Acro has taught me that I CAN trust others. Interestingly enough, something I should be scared of (Like getting dropped) is not a fear. I trust my partner and those I practice with. It is a wonderful and exciting feeling to know I can trust and others can trust me
I LOVE being alone, I HATE feeling alone. Two very separate and different feelings. Feeling alone is unsettling, sad and scary. I oftentimes feel alone, something I am going to work on in 2020, not allowing that feeling to take over my day
The girls did my make up for me. Too bad this is not closer up for a view of my blue eyeshadow ;).
A few photos from Reding Market Terminal. #imsickofcrowds
To find a series to watch (Any recommendations??)
to continue to feel my best
I want to get yoga teacher certified. Not necessarily to teach but or the experiences. I am held back by two things, the cost, and the commitment. Fear