Healthy Lifestyle

“Everyone’s always going through something, aren’t they?…..

That’s life, basically. It’s just more and more things to go through.”

― Sally Rooney, Conversations with Friends

Reading

Conversations With Friends – 4/5 stars.  I really enjoyed this book SO MUCH. Perfect length, great topics and REAL.  The beauty and ugliness of friendships. Reality. The unconventional

 

The Wives – hooked. Only a few chapters in, but find myself excited to get back into it!

Want to read:

 

 

Thinking

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About intimacy…..How do I (and YOU) push love away?

  • I push people away when I start to feel down on myself for being……..myself.  I doubt myself, my likes, my needs, because I feel they are not right, then I distance myself from others out of fear. Fear they will not like/love me as I really am.  I try, I experiment, and I come back to my true self. Putting myself out there right away is always a struggle and difficult. It is not in my nature.  Yet those that stick around get to experience all of the things I do love about myself.  Love this article in NYT about How to Have Closer Friendships.  A few key points:
    • Quality over quantity (absolutely)
    • being and allowing myself to accept help from others (so hard)
    • accepting we are ALL a work in progress, we are allowed to make mistakes, change our minds
    • choose to focus on friendships that truly serve CARRP
    • accepting that what I need/want in a friendship, is not the same for everyone
    • being a better listener myself
    • taking risks, not worrying about losing friendships
  • I push people away by being “busy”.  Its easier to be busy doing my “thing”. That is SAFE. Going out of my comfort zone = scary = possibility of rejection.
  • I push people away by dating/letting in the wrong ones. That gut instinct is right and smart, I need to listen to it more. Allow more of the right in, although they may not be as exciting
  • I push people/love away by not letting down my guard.  I protect myself. Act like I am tough, independent and do not need anyone. The truth is? I do. I need people. I want to be taken care of (in ways). This is extremely difficult for me to let go of and allow. There is so much shame/guilt involved in needing or wanting.

Sharing

I love:  Coffee shops/cafes, book stores, libraries, yoga classes/workshops, museums.

Swoon ❤

Vegetable Chowder – Yum, maybe when it is not 70 degrees out 🙂

This and this sound delicious!

Inspired

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Positivity.  I love surrounding myself with positive people. They work so hard, play harder and try to genuinely enjoy life. One thing I find in common with this “type” of person, is their gratitude

By those who offer and give themselves and their services. They genuinely want to spend time with you and share their secrets  (“K” this is YOU!!!)

 

Craving

introvert time

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(I choose mermaid)

cozy reading

Ski time

Travel:  Austria (check THIS place out!!! Thank you K!), Las Vegas, Southern France, Iceland, Southern California, just to name a few spots

A yoga retreat

the perfect coffee (for me) that I can make at home

 

 

 

Healthy Lifestyle

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

Reading

Turtles All The Way Down – This was a YA Fiction (not typically my style) but I tore through it.  Quick read

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The Most Fun We Ever Had This one is very LONG, which means it will REALLY have to grasp and hold my attention for me to continue reading it. We shall see!

UP NEXT:  My holds are almost available for several books at the library (Ugh, this ALWAYS happens) Then I’ll have to choose which of these to read:a05129e0-f171-4b40-8e30-8dd8ad0c19a3

The Rest of the Story

OR

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo( I Have been waiting very long for this one as I heard so many wonderful things about this one, although it does not jump out at me , I may give this one a shot first)

OR

The Chestnut Man

OR

Mrs. Everything

WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE??

Thinking

12 Truths I learned from Writing – very powerful and inspiring read!  People always struggle to write (I do too!) and my advice is…..just sit down and START writing. This is beautifully written and something I encourage EVERYONE to read 🙂

Here is my spin 🙂

First Truth: Life really is contradictory! It’s difficult to see our own faults, yet we can easily point them out in others…..this is where I am turning the finger back on myself and looking deeper. Yes, I already am extremely hard on myself, can I do this in a gentler way?  hmmmm

Second Truth: Sometimes I do just need a break. When things overwhelm, feel dull, or lifeless, stepping away always works (Even when I swear it will NOT help Its amazing how I feel when I finally DO give in and take a break, yet I struggle every day with self-guilt if I am not “As good or better than I was yesterday”IMG_6123

Third Truth:   Nope, nothing and no-one will solve your problems, unhappiness, discomfort.  There is not the perfect relationship, job, destination place to live, thing to say.  We live our lives, make our mistakes, and learn from them.  That is all.  If you seek something or someone it will surely lead to a life that is unfulfilled or a lie to yourself. Many times I think people push through life telling themselves and the world everything is wonderful.  Sometimes you just need to sit back and sit in it and say “My life is SH*T right now”.  Ahhhhh, refreshing. Admit it. Feels good. Yes, it sucks being single and alone at times, YES it sucks being a parent and having to cater to selfish little humans. Yes it sucks that you have to do certain things at your job that ” But that’s not MY job!”, yes it sucks we have to do the dishes, laundry (and yup PUT IT AWAY ugh)  Admitting these things allows us to move forward.Truth is? Sometimes I love being single, sometimes I don’t.

Fourth Truth: Seriously, stop thinking others have it so much better than you.  Just stop. Everyone has their own genuine set of problems, issues, and demons they are working through. We really are NOT that different

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Fifth Truth:  Peanut butter is > Almond butter. There! I said it 🙂   Peanut butter and oats are MY food.Image result for peanut butter love

Food. Ugh. The bain of my existence. The NewYear. Goals. Diets. Yuck. Just stop. Please.  Or at least keep it to yourself.  Don’t tell ME how or what to eat and I won’t tell you.   We ALL know what we should do.  I also need to get better and just ignoring and not allowing others input and insights and own issues affect me. I know what I want, I know the role food plays in my life, it is my choice and I am behind it 100%.

Sixth Truth:

writing. Just do it.  Sit. Write. Think. Vomit in paper or on screen. Writing is therapeutic. Writing is always good if its from the heart. Try it. I love it. Often times I sit and think “I have nothing to write about or share”  Yet I continue to write and words flow and I get deeper in my head and soul.  It starts to spill, maybe not everything is beautiful, moving or life-changing, but for me it is, and that is all that matters.  Whether it is an outlet or release for myself, sharing a new book that someone may like, or an article that you find useful.  Writing is never a bad idea.

Seventh Truth: Do things for yourself, not for recognition.  Question. Why are you posting that facebook or Instagram pic?  Why are you holding the door for a stranger? Why are you helping or supporting a friend that needs you?  Do things because you want to do them. Be selfish. That’s my 2020 goal 🙂 I am guilty of it. I have posted pictures that flatter me. I have deleted ones that didn’t. I often post when I am happy, not when I am sad or hurting.

Eighth Truth: Families. Yup. Hard.  Just like everything else in life. I am fortunate to have an amazing family that loves me unconditionally. I think that is all I can ask for.  Everything else, I can not change or control.  It is exhausting. I will never get them to see things MY way because they are their own person with values and beliefs.  What I want is acceptance, not approval or agreements, but agree to disagree. I think what gets me through times of anger or resentment is knowing that they and I will NOT be here forever.  It is more important to me to get over little nuisances and live the best life I can for myself and those I love. Does this mean I don’t have boundaries or expectations? No, but they are a work in progress, constantly changing, what can and can’t I accept.img_0349

Ninth Truth:   food. see number 5 and STOP trying to get me to eat certain foods or a certain way. Thanks

Tenth Truth –grace. I have been told I am graceful with my yoga practice and guess what? I am totally going with that. Yes. Instead of not accepting or honoring this. I am, I am taking it, owning it and bringing it to the next level. Yes, I am graceful as hell. I am like a gazelle 🙂 I try to be graceful in other areas of my life, maybe this is a great word for 2020? img_0564

Eleventh Truth: God. God is individual to everyone. What you believe and do and feel spiritual from is your concern.  If we could all just accept this, it would be a much better world.

Twelfth Truth:   Death. For me, I worry more about the death of others over the death of myself.  We all will leave this world, and that is a really tough reality to accept. I often find myself preoccupying myself when these thoughts pop up. It is difficult to discuss, face and envision, and I don’t want to. Truth.

Inspired By

You know when you just find someone that you really connect well with? They seem to have clarity, insight, and yet still accept your views and input?  Well, I am fortunate to have that. I wish our distance were not so far away, but it is so inspiring listening and conversing with my “guru”.  Haha. I think this would be the best way to describe it.  I am amazed by people that follow their hearts and soul.  Live simply. Live well. Love others, never give up hope.

Dreaming

Ski trip. It is coming….very soon 🙂  Excited

I have not remembered my dreams in a VERY long time. This has made me sad.  After my brother passed, I felt like much of me numbed.  This was one of the things. The past few nights, I have been dreaming. I can actually remember parts of the dream too, which make absolutely NO sense, but i love it (a pet lizard that gets 50% larger each day, what?!)

Wanting

to continue trying new things, meeting new people, growing

Feeling

better than I did earlier this week. Fighting a cold/sinus infection? something felt ick. Finally beginning to feel better.

Relieved.

Excited. To meet and connect with others. It is FUN!

Nervous. I have been trying new foods. It is scary.  I often revert to what is comfortable Going outside that comfort zone is SCARY. Yet I am pushing myself and realizing each time it is not so bad 😉

Sharing

Impossible burgers – I am changing my mind. I had a terrible one in NYC , however last night, I had an impossibly delicious one 🙂  So, I change my mind. They are good. I still prefer a good veggie or black bean burger but……

I sat at a restaurant bar last night and read. It felt amazing. I was able to get totally into it and quiet the noise around me. I felt like the only person in the room.  I also ended up meeting 2 interesting people, we had a great conversation 🙂 Go me. Now I can introvert 🙂

I have two major things in my life I am contemplating. I am not ready to share yet, but after some clarity, I will share 🙂

I am in LOVE – with this new yoga mat. Wow. I did not realize how much I needed a new one. It is amazing how much more stable I feel in my practice now (and life?!) (THANK YOU K!!!!)  I am pleased to say that the color is more gray than white! ❤  Love it even more

I am happily surprised by my new ski pants!  They fit perfect and are so comfy, hopefully, will be the same when I actually SKI in them 🙂