Positively Wednesday

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“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience. ”
Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

 

Oh how I love the above mentioned quote!  I was just listening to a pod cast (Maddy Moon! Hey girl!) and Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck was a guest.  This really struck me.  Happiness is so desirable.  Everyone thinks everyone ELSE is happy.  Everyone strides to find things, people, experiences that will MAKE THEM HAPPY, yet the above mentioned quote is the truth

We can not experience happiness if we do not have the negative experiences. Life is NOT supposed to be happy all the time. Improving and growing and being the best we can to OURSELVES is what we need to stride for.  If we can achieve that, we can achieve balance elsewhere.  I am still working on this.

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The biggest hurdle in my way, is just accepting MYSELF as I am. Instead of trying to find ways to change myself, be like others, or find happiness, I truly want to just accept myself as I am 🙂

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Some things I am accepting about myself

I so wish I did not have Misophonia, BUT I do

I can not stand the sound of people chewing! Not everyone bothers me, oddly enough , the people I am closest to only bother me (LOL)  Misophonia explained here

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I love oatmeal. I love chocolate. I love eating the same things over and over until I tire of them.

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I have tried changing this many times because people told me this was WRONG!  Well I am finally accepting that I really do enjoy and eat what I want, when I want. Currently still on my oats and peanut butter kick. I do love my chocolate too, and these look like some delicious ways to incorporate it into my breakfast

I love simple things.  I find restaurants boring and disappointing. I genuinely enjoy eating at home, OR my family’s cooking……..My mom makes the BEST turkey burgers EVER!

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I think restaurants for a first, 2nd or 3rd date are……..stupid. I am not saying it is wrong, but just not really for me.  I find it awkward and weird and maybe…too intimate?  Coffee please 🙂

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I love to read and write.  It is a hobby. I don’t really care whether I am good at it or not, but I enjoy it. It relaxes and calms and soothes me.

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My perfect Friday nights consist of yoga, dinner to go and some time alone to unwind and relax, catch up on blogs, books, etc.

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I love waking up at 5 or 6 am ON MY DAYS off

Yup yup

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I also LOVE going to bed early!

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I like to sit back and “Watch” others. I enjoy it!

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I love people and going out……in short spurts. It exhausts me very easily!  I have tried changing this, but I am accepting this is just who I am

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Manic Monday

Happy Monday!  Did you watch the super bowl?? I had NO desire to watch the SuperBowl. Yup, there I said it. I feel NO SHAME about it either

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Sharing things I love and enjoy has always been difficult for me.  I always felt I did not DESERVE to be happy, buy things for myself, take care of myself. Self love.

I came across this article and ALMOST did not read it.  It talks about being an “Ambition Addict”  Sadly, this is me 100%  Every single point is the truth about me and how my brain works.  Its exhausting ALWAYS thinking ahead to the next thing. I really am trying to be more present and enjoy all the wonderful things (and people) in front of me NOW.  Are you an Ambition Addict too??

 

So I am taking a night just for myself to think about some of the things I am currently loving , this moment 🙂

Just picked up this kimono 

I am loving all the off shoulder spring and summer wear like this ponti shoulder dress, this dress and this

LOVE this love necklace

I love how the school stepped up with Eli 🙂

How cool is this NEW YORK!

How adorable is this unicorn dip

Love transitioning to a minimalist

Strawberries and Chocolate are two of my favorite things. Combine them nom nom nom…..

It’s FriYAY!

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Five things Friday

  1.  I have mixed feelings about the mindbodygreen blog.  I feel some of their articles are ridiculous and push diet culture way too much, and I find myself “sideyeing” many of their posts…….. BUT I am totally loving this article. I can resonate will ALL of these mistakes my brain makes
  2. TWO fabulous books I have read lately?
    1. Maus:  A survivors Tale  This was SOOOO good, I breezed through it.  I did not know how I would feel about a graphic novel, but after page ONE I was hooked!!  I loved how symbolic the book and characters are. I love this as a way to introduce the holocaust to teens, I think it would be very engaging.  I got my mom on board, she is currently reading it. I can’t wait to hear her thoughts on it!!  I have already started Maus II 
    2. Another favorite, The Pearl That Broke it’s Shell  what a beautiful debut novel about an interweaving tale of two different centuries , with so many similarities and finally a bit of hope.  Follow the beautiful stories of two Afghani women and their bravery
  3. Online dating. Image result for online dating

I have always been skeptical and weary of trusting people and allowing them to get close.  Although I am not currently looking to date, the thought of it S-C-A-R-E-S me!   Online dating is HUGE. You hear so many stories of ” I met my (significant other) on  x, y, z dating site”.   Sadly I feel pretty hopeless about the whole love department.  With online dating, I feel people and dates have become, sort of, disposable?  You click through random photos, choosing yes or no, wink or no wink.  You read essays, biographies and book reports about peoples likes, dislikes, hobbies , and everything but the kitchen sink. You see photos with lions, elephants, 6 pack abs, children, cute, furry animals. It makes me feel like EVERYONE leads these amazing , exciting lives.  Yet it is SO deceiving. It worries me that the good old fashioned way of meeting someone and feeling a connection is gone! Personally I NEED that!!!  I could go on for hours and hours, so I choose to just STOP this post here 🙂

4.  Clearing out my…mailbox!

Image result for unsubscribe!  I just spent a few minutes UNSUBSCRIBING to the various (annoying) emails I do not pay mind to.  I am tired of my inbox being swarmed with things I do not want or need to read!  When was the last time you unsubscribed?  DO IT!!

5. Shamrocks and PUPPIES!

The green shake is back!!

Shamrock Shakes McDonalds

I know you are all as excited about this as I am (hehe)

I must be getting old because I am ANNOYED that McDonald’s has added additional Shamrock Shake flavors, including:

Shamrock Hot Chocolate

Shamrock Chocolate Chip Frappe

Shamrock Mocha

Chocolate Shamrock Shake

Bring the original back!! I miss those cups! The new shakes are so fancy looking 😦

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RUFF!!!   I admit I have NO interest in watching the Superbowl (besides the commercials) BUT I will be watching

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Puppy Bowl 2017

 

Your Turn

  1.  Do you find yourself always thinking the WORST first about yourself AND others?
  2. Will you be trying a new shamrock shake?
  3. what do you do for the superbowl?

Self Care Challenge

Today is Day 4 of a gratitude and self care challenge I am participating in.  I wanted to open it up and reach out to others in hopes of promoting some self love.

Today’s self care challenge was to buy a new candle or light an already owned one.

I am totally wanting to splurge on this one, I have been eyeing it for years. It is about time I DESERVE IT!

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It is SO easy to fall into the same routines, mindset and mood.  Every day we have a choice how we want to spend it. We can let one little thing set us off and make our entire day miserable OR we can choose to accept things, let them go, and move on.

The idea sounds wonderful. I realize it is difficult to actually do.  However, being grateful and showing appreciation for the many wonderful things (And people) we have in our lives, REALLY does help!

My friend, R, inspired me to create a “Gratitude Memory Jar” (She has actually inspired me to do MANY things). My family and I are writing little (or big) things we are grateful for. I am excited to look through the jar next year and see all the wonderful memories.

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Which brings me to today’s topic and question.

WHO is someone that I really admire, and why?

Some of the heartfelt responses……….

“God, because of his strength, love and power” – anonymous

“I really admire my mentor…….she taught me so many things about how to conduct business…I’ll light a candle :)”  – anonymous

“I admire people who can foster animals and foster children to give them a better life. I don’t know if I could handle handing them over”  – – anonymous

” Chris for all she has gone through with Matthew and Matthew leaving. Not sure how she gets through each day without Matthew but I have suspicion its due to her love for her daughter”  – anonymous

” My sister. I admire her strength and the ability to hold everything together.”- anonymous

“E, her attitude and her handling of her illness and how much she learned about herself and others. She is one hell of a person” – anonymous

“Parents, for unconditionally loving their children and putting up with snot, tantrums and giving up their own free time” – anonymous

“Irene, for always being a warm, caring, loving person.  She has the ability to make me instantly feel good whenever she is present. Her attitude towards life and trying to find happiness. She makes me KNOW and FEEL  I am loved ”  – anonymous

“Matt,  for always offering to help someone no matter what” – anonymous

“Tina, her desire to want the best for EVERYONE, her unconditional love for her children, and the fact that she does not realize (And really should!) how smart, amazing and beautiful she really is”  – anonymous

“Cliche answer lol but my mom. She  always encouraged and believed in us and wasn’t afraid to be brutally honest (which at the time i hated, but i look back and appreciate she didn’t hide the world from us). The older i get the more i realize how strong she is and how much she’s overcome. – anonymous
 
“Babcia. When i think about her,the first thing that comes to mind is strength. She left her home with 3 young kids and started over in a foreign country to give her family more opportunities. That’s pretty amazing.” – anonymous
“My mom for never giving up on me, loving me during good times and bad, and being the strongest person I know………” – anonymous
“Mike, for always giving 110% to everything and anything he does”  – anonymous
“Jim, for his constant desire to do better and learn more. He is always looking for a way to challenge himself, pure example of MOTIVATION”  – anonymous
 “Denise for ALWAYS being there when she says she will be, her dedication and love for animals. Her warm beauty shines inside and out”  – anonymous
“An old boss, I still haven’t found a role model I admire since. He was encouraging and just knew how to make me feel good about myself.  He encouraged me to be more of ME”
– anonymous 
“Robin, for always fighting for what she feels is right, her amazing details, awesome ideas for adventures and inspiration to SO MANY students, children and people…….she has taught me so much, most of all that I am just perfect being ME!”  – anonymous
 “My dad, because I know he would do ANYTHING for me, even though he likes to irritate me at times (a lot) he would do (and does) everything and anything for me, even though he has a difficult time admitting it”  – anonymous
“Ben, for being there for me when I desperately needed a friend. He listened to me and helped me make my own decisions, also his determination for not giving up and going after what he wants”  – anonymous
“Denise, for caring about me (and others) when I least expected someone to notice or care”  – anonymous
 
 “Desire, for ALWAYS being positive, encouraging and up for anything. One of the most humblest people I know”  – anonymous

 

You may never know the people’s lives you touch or change, BUT just know that you do, no matter who you are. Someone out there needs you, your smile, your kind words… Lets be kind to one another. Let’s be kind to OURSELVES

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Monday Blues

 

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It is SAFE to say I am feeling the Monday”Blues” today. It carried over from “Sunday Blues”.  Between the weather and another full week ahead, I am feeling down in the dumps.  I am trying to improve my mood, but nothing is really working (the fact that I am feeling a bit under the weather is not helping either)

It is one of those days where I am tired, yet I am not

I am bored, yet don’t really want to do much

I am here but not present

SO, I am just going to accept this is how I feel at the moment, BUT that is just it. It is only the moment. Tomorrow will be different, a new day.

Some things that are SAFE to say will improve your mood 🙂

  • I Don’t Know What is Best For You – I loved this so much!  I know I am at the age where I am finally realizing that I truly do know what is best for me. For years, I doubted myself and relied on OTHERS to tell me what to do and how to do it. I am sure MANY of you can agree on similar experiences……I think its finally time we start trusting ourselves! We don’t need approval or assurance from anyone else!

The thing that is best for me??  Making my own mistakes. That is how I learn best!!

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  • Go ahead, TOSS IT!! That’s my motto 🙂 Anyone that knows me, knows I love to throw things away! Love this simple yet incredible list of 60 things to toss out in 60 days!  When you de-clutter your stuff, you de-clutter your life!

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  • Struggle. Some days I feel like my life is a circle.  I very easily form habits and routines. Some are great and productive, others, NOT SO MUCH.

I have struggled with disordered eating since I was a teen.  I finally feel like I have a grasp on my ED and part of that is because I am NOT caring what others think. I do , eat, say what I want.  I still get comments like “Wow, you eat that?!” or “Oh, salad, that is why you are so thin”

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NO!   I eat what I eat when I want. Please stop judging others choices. Think twice before commenting. Food is food. People have their likes and dislikes!  Judge free zone! Worry about you and your belly!

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My latest (unhealthy) obsession is ……….exercise. Yes I think about it way too much. I can listen to my body (and do) and move when I want when I feel like it, BUT it is those other times where I beat myself up for not feeling like moving…….and I do not mean an hour or so, ALL DAY LONG. I am miserable, depressed, sad, guilty, upset, anxious. All those feelings because I feel like I did something wrong…..I am tired of putting that pressure on myself. I want to free up my head from the anxiety and just LIVE my life. If I could let go of all the unrealistic expectations and demands on myself, I may just be able to enjoy life a bit more. So that is my goal.  I am tired of trading one habit/obsession for another.

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It is not an argument of whether exercise and movement are good or bad, necessary, unnecessary. Its the guilt that eats away at me. The terrible things I tell myself for not doing something I really do not want to do.

I definitely have an Obsessive Compulsive Personality disorder, not OCD, very different (check out the differences here).

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If you want to know more about OCD, read “The Man Who Couldn’t Stop”.

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Many people say or think they have OCD, but until you read this , don’t be so quick to confuse it with OCPD.

  • So , time to get out of this RUT I am in.   I want to be happy and make others happy. I have a lot to offer, but until I can take care of myself and be kind and gentle to ME, it will not happen.  Come join me in this Self Care challenge (Free 21 days of journaling prompts and messages)  I think we could all use a little sunshine and happiness these dark, cold , dreary days of winter

Your Turn

  1.  What does your ideal Friday night look like?
  2. What are you watching on Netflix?
  3. Are you participating in a reading challenge this year?

Sundays are for “dreaming….”

Happy Sunday!

It feels wonderful to have an extra day off tomorrow!!  I am so grateful for all the amazing things Martin Luther King stood up for and fought so hard for.  He fought for equality in such a beautiful, peaceful way.  We need to continue to hear and SHARE  his message. We need that reminder for ourselves and those around us that we really all ARE the same.

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Speaking of differences…..before my love of books, I relied mostly on the news, media, teachers, friends , etc for my information. There is nothing wrong with that, but since opening my world to books (I would like to thank my amazing mother for this)

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I feel like I have so much more awareness, compassion and understanding about myself and the world.  I have learned so much about different cultures.  I have put to rest my misconceptions about various topics I really had not much knowledge of. I am proud to be able to spread the so many messages I am gaining from various books! I am learning something new with every book and page that I read. (corny I know, but so true!)

So, books…..Today I went to a book club in Philly that was organized by Book Riot.  I am going to try the 2017 Read Harder Challenge (Interested?  check it out here)  This was such a great group because we did not discuss one specific book (no monthly reading “assignments”) But instead talked about some of our favorite (Or despised) reads of the month. I got so many great ideas for new books!

If you are interested in the challenge OR finding a Riot Books club in your area, check it out.

Interested in what I added to my list?

Nevertherless:  a Memoir by Alec Baldwin

Beauty Queens

Fear of the Dark

Homegoing

The Color Purple

I also voiced my “dislike” of fantasy books but am challenging myself to read something from the genre, so It was great to get feedback of what I should like with mini synopsis…..I am going to TRY Harry Potter…….surprisingly I was not the ONLY one in the group that has not read it 🙂

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I shared my love for Lilac Girls (debut novel), The Absolutely True Diary Of a Part Time Indian, and my current read , The Mothers.  All are tops on my list!  Plus they meet so many genre challenges

So from the 2017 Reading Challenge list, these will be MY challenges:

Read a graphic novel

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read a book you’ve read before (Ugh, nooooooooo I hate doing this ! )

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Ok, maybe 

all ages comic

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Read a book about sports

**IF you have any recommendations for me from the above genres, please let me know!

Enough about books (for now). Let me get back to differences. What makes you different?

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I used to feel so ashamed for being different. Today I am working towards not caring what others may think about me.  I have so many (false) beliefs that who I am  IS WRONG.  It is taking me some time to get comfortable with the fact that I am different and that is OK!

I have learned a lot about myself such as, I enjoy doing things by myself

I am OK with sitting in a large group and just observing and listening and not feeling like I need to speak all the time…..

I enjoy being single and do not want to be in a relationship at the momentIMG_5538

I prefer quiet Friday nights at home

I love getting up super early

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I like eating the same thing over and over and over…..

Oh there are SO many things, but what I am realizing is that all these things I “thought” were weird and different, really aren’t……..and if someone thinks they are, then OH WELL!

Your Turn

What genres do you enjoy reading? What feels like torture for you?

Its 2017….

Image result for culture and societyI am so sad and upset with our culture and society. As someone in recovery from an eating disorder it is so clear and apparent why we, women, never feel good enough. 

The expectation from society and from ourselves……..

From skin color to  weight. 

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Being a perfect momImage result for perfect mom

sexy wifeImage result for sexy housewife 

wonderful employeeImage result for perfect employee

fitness proImage result for fitness pro

gourmet organic chefImage result for bento boxes for kids

…..and of course documenting all of this EXCELLENCE on social media so that we can prove that we are good enough to ourselves and everyone else.

Image result for facebook and instagram! YET we don’t believe this about ourselves. 

Beautiful picture perfect from the outside. The inside is a whole different story 

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Fighting for equality when our skin color , hair color or sexuality are not “ideal”. It is all so upsetting and disappointing. It is 2017 and we are living In a bubble.

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Placing unrealistic expectations on others and ourselves.

We are the first ones to point out everyone else’s flaws yet fail to see what is right there in front of us

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So what do we do?

Stuff it away.

 Stage those perfect pictures. 

Deprive ourselves of delicious foods.

Tell ourselves we are not thin. Enough   Fit enough.  Beautiful enough.

We try to change everything on the outside. Keep focusing and fixing the “outside” of ourselves…… Those perfect family photos.

The organic paleo foods we eat and spend hours perfectign

The hours we fool ourselves that we really enjoy and love the gym, yet end up dreading it because it feels more of a punishment than a reward

  It’s all an act and cover up; to do in place of dealing what is really there inside is.  Not feeling good enough

How can we? We have these expectations from society and ourselves that is impossible to live up to. Yet we keep pretending that we are happy ! 

So what can we do???

Please stop reading into society’s mixed messages. Ignore the ridiculousness of it all. Find out what really matters to you.

Would you rather be 10 pounds lighter but BE miserable and a slave to restricting, dieting. Exercising. Obsessing?

OR

Instead try to work on being happy. Doing things that give you pleasure. Doing things for others. Spending your time and energy on people and experiences that matter.  We are the only ones that can change the future for ourselves and our children. The main word here is YOU.  You need to take care of yourself, do what you want and feels good and is right for YOU, not what everyone else says is right. You know yourself better than anyone. Start TRUSTING yourself!

Be open and willing to learn new things about others and ourselves. Don’t shun someone immediately for making a mistake.  Instead take he time to inform and teach.  

Enjoy life and seek pleasure instead of inflicting pain and shame.

I spent the past 36 years living and striving for perfection.   What I did not know is that I already am perfect just as I am. So are you. 

Life’s too short  Make the best of each day. And eat the chocolates cake (if you want it!)

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