1. Stop letting others define me
I have a hard time feeling good about myself with just myself. For some reason my opionion and thoughts do not seem “worthy”. I still let others define me and how I feel.
I have been feeling blah lately. I feel like my time has come and gone. I am turning my future into something dark and allowing myself to continue to beat myself up over things while pretending to the world and myself that I’m not…… I’m hurt. Over something I have no reason to be. In all honesty it means nothing to me but makes me feel like less of a person. I linger. I still think about the “what if s ” or “should haves “. I can’t seem to let those things go and really just forgive myself
I want to wake up feeling confident and good about myself, without anyone else’s input…..
I feel ugly, unless someone else tells me I am beautiful
I feel stupid, unless someone else tells me I’m bright
I feel old , unless someone tells me otherwise
I feel weird, unless others assure me I am not
I feel wrong, unless I do what others want me to
I still don’t trust myself. Which means I still do not completely love myself.
However today I am at a much better place than I was a year ago. I also know that change takes ……time and patience. Something that truly is my biggest challenge.
2. Books: Outlander series
After much hooplah, I think I am going to give this series a shot. I am not really into historical fiction but you never know! I am trying to be more open to new things ❤
And for those of you into self help/self discovery, this book was recently recommended to me 🙂 I have not read it yet, but plan to
3. Feeling “Stuck”
Sometimes I feel “stuck” in my life. I feel as if the world is going and growing. People are getting engaged, getting married, having children, starting careers, changing careers, doing SOMETHING incredible……I feel like I have been there and done that and had my chance and I did it “wrong”. I beat myself up constantly for this.
It is not that I have any regrets about the decisions I MADE, its the fact that I regret the decisions I initially made. I want to look at this in a POSITIVE approach. If I hadn’t had those experiences, I would not know NOW what I did not know then.
However, its hard. Some days, I feel old, tired, burnt, spent. I am worried that my “time” is done. I fear I will never find that “true love” I am searching for. That person that truly accepts me for ME. That person that gets me. I also realize I am not searching for perfection, but I feel if two people are HAPPY with themselves, they can get through pretty much anything.
Some days I feel like a bore. The world of internet dating has been very……..disappointing. No one is who they SAY they are. Which deters me from wanting to continue with it.
Deep down, I know there is a lot ahead and to look forward to. I worry that I won’t have the “energy” to have a relationship or move forward. I am “tired”. I feel burnt out. I feel run down. I have a hard time trusting ANYONE. I feel they have hidden and alternate intentions, which stems from my previous and past relationships and experiences. I know that there are MANY MANY MANY wonderful people out there (LIKE You reading this RIGHT now!) I guess I am just scared of…….getting hurt? or losing something I love?
4. Bitter
My friendly “neighbor” came outside today and waved her finger at me (and Lily) and pretty much yelled at me for letting Lily go potty in front of her condo…..YES I get it, its crap, on the lawn, but I immediately pick it up and dispose of it, plus it is communal lawn, and there is no “rule” in our association policy stating that dogs must go in certain areas…….
She was peeking through her window at us, and thought she “caught us brown handed”
I showed her the bag. I showed her what was inside the bag. She felt stupid, but had to relay to me “You know, your dog shouldn’t be going to the bathroom here, there is a location for it”
Yes, its a 10 minute walk, and it is “rule” the neighbors have tried to enforce. I do not even know the exact location, NOR will Lily last for a 10 min walk ……she likes to go immediately (what can I say, she has a healthy colon!)
Anyway, bitterness over. I suppose I was wrong too, I will just try to have Lily do her “duty” somewhere else….
ps – there was a LARGE pile of crap there, so I understand her anger. BUT she took it out on the wrong person:
1. THAT poop was the size of Lily
2. I pick up after her!!
*I have even gone back to pick up , if I didnt have a bag on hand at the moment, at times!*
Ok, off my pedestal
5. Thank you
I want to thank that special someone that complimented me today. I was really feeling down and BLAH, her comment, truly MADE my day ❤
You never know how YOUR comment will affect someone!
Be nice ❤
6. Spring break
A friend asked me for a suggestion for a mini getaway, I recommended and suggested Biltmore Estate.
I mentioned it back in September in this blog post!
I have not been there yet myself, but it is on my MUST SEE list! Its absolutely BREATH TAKING, plus offers so much to do and see
Have you been? Any suggestions/recommendations?
7. Love
I am reading a Nicholas Sparks novel. It is a beautiful story in so many ways. It gives me hope and fear all at once.
Hope?
For someone to love ME like Dawson loved Amanda
Fear?
That that kind of love only happens in fairy tales.
Trust me, I am NO fool. I do not have realistic expectations that true love MUST = perfection and happiness all the time. No, I get it. Life is life. We all have our quirks, our moments, our arguments. Staying strong, working through them and honesty, that is what my ideal of fairy tale is.
Do you have a fairy tale love? If so, would you like to be interviewed? I’d LOVE to do it!!
This looks so amazing! I definitely want to check this out!
Sure, Philly has plenty of brunch eateries, but how many of them can offer a panoramic view of the city?
Well, as of this Sunday, March 29, Top of the Tower can.
The Logan Center public event facility (formerly known as the Bell Atlantic Building) introducesSkyBrunch, the “highest” brunch option in the city.
Set on the 50th and 51st floors, the Sunday-only service encompasses a vast array of buffet-style options.
Chef Matt Lane’s stations include the Panorama (breakfast pastries, fruit; Metropolitan Bakery granola, yogurt parfaits); The Sunny Side (made-to-order omelets, home fries, pecan-smoked bacon, homemade pork and turkey sausage, chive and crème fraîche scrambled eggs); The Outlook (fried chicken, pecan waffles, crème brûlée French toast); The Sea Scape (oyster and crab claw shooters, smoked salmon, and Zento sushi).
Plus, there’s a table of charcuterie and cheeses with pickled vegetables and artisan mustards and a display of assorted dessert miniatures.
The cost of $50 per person ($25 for kids 12 and under; free for kids 5 and younger) covers all of this plus a brunch cocktail.
Even better: Top of the Tower will donate $1 from every cover at SkyBrunch to Clean Air Council, ensuring that that very pretty view stays clear for future generations of brunchers.
Reservations for this soaring Sunday meal are available online.
SkyBrunch
When: Starts Sunday, March 29
Where: 3 Logan Center, 1717 Arch Street
Cost: $50
9. Hot yoga
Ahhhhhhhh, just what I need.
This cold weather, my achy back and shoulders.
My massage therapist recommended I incorporate some Hot Yoga back into my routine. I hate dislike Bikram, but love Shine Power Yoga. They are incredible. They are amazing. I always feel SO great while I am there and after.
The best part ? Ending with a cool, peppermint enhanced scented towel. I love to place it over my eyes for the final 5 minutes of relaxation. The heat, ahhhhh, just opens me up and feels so great!
My favorite pose of the evening….
Pigeon
10. Still Positive
Although some of my posts may seem negative, they are only how I feel AT THAT MOMENT. They pass. Writing and blogging helps them pass. For the most part, the past two weeks have left me feeling the BEST I have in many ways, since many many years. I am accepting myself, my flaws, my emotions. I am accepting that I am not perfect. I am accepting that I do judge. I am accepting and aware and trying to be the best I can be for me. I know I have a lot to offer to the world, and the world equally has a lot to offer me ❤
Coffee Chalk 
