“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” ~ Frank Crane
READING
My reading has been, in a good way, distracted. I have my cousins visiting from Poland (first time in the USA, OMG) and have been busy showing them the good and not so great parts of the U.S. I find myself very easily distracted as I want things to be perfect, and in turn, I have completely exhausted myself and of course made myself sick (just a head cold, I will be just fine) So , all this to say my book recommendations this week have been scarce, but I am finding myself calming down. a bit and back on track with my love and passion in life. Great books
Philadelphia Magic Gardens
All Thats Left Unsaid: a deeply moving and unflinching debut following a young Vietnamese-Australian woman who returns home to her family in the wake of her brother’s shocking murder, determined to discover what happened–a dramatic exploration of the intricate bonds and obligations of friendship, family, and community. (From thestorygraph). I am still thinking about this book, long after reading. Gripping and emotional.
One of summers hottest reads, The Guest by Emma Cline:
Summer is coming to a close on the East End of Long Island, and Alex is no longer welcome.
A misstep at a dinner party, and the older man she’s been staying with dismisses her with a ride to the train station and a ticket back to the city.
With few resources and a waterlogged phone, but gifted with an ability to navigate the desires of others, Alex stays on Long Island and drifts like a ghost through the hedged lanes, gated driveways, and sun-blasted dunes of a rarified world that is, at first, closed to her. Propelled by desperation and a mutable sense of morality, she spends the week leading up to Labor Day moving from one place to the next, a cipher leaving destruction in her wake.
Aidan Thomas is a hard-working family man and a somewhat beloved figure in the small upstate town where he lives: he’s the kind of man who always lends a hand and has a good word for everyone. But Aidan has a dark secret he’s been keeping from everyone in town and those closest to him: he’s a kidnapper and serial killer. Aidan has murdered eight women and there’s a ninth he has earmarked for death: Rachel, imprisoned in a backyard shed fearing for her life.
When Aidan’s wife dies, he and his 13-year-old daughter Cecilia are forced to move. Aidan has no choice but to bring Rachel along, introducing her to Cecilia as a “family friend” who needs a place to stay. After five years of captivity, Aidan is betting on Rachel being too brainwashed and fearful to attempt to escape. But Rachel is a fighter and survivor, and recognizes Cecilia might just be the lifeline she has waited for all these years. As Rachel tests the boundaries of her new living situation, she begins to form a tenuous connection with Cecilia. And when Emily, a local restaurant owner, develops a crush on the handsome widower, she finds herself drawn into Rachel and Cecilia’s orbit, coming dangerously close to discovering Aidan’s secret.
Told through the perspectives of Rachel, Cecilia, and Emily, The Quiet Tenant explores the psychological impact of Aidan’s crimes on the women in his life–and the bonds between those women that give them the strength to fight back. Both a searing thriller and an astute study of trauma, survival, and the dynamics of power, The Quiet Tenant is an electrifying debut thriller by a major talent.
A book in translation (fabulous and gripping!) The Anomaly:
Who would we be if we had made different choices? Told that secret, left that relationship, written that book? We all wonder—the passengers of Air France 006 will find out.
In their own way, they were all living double lives when they boarded the plane:
Blake, a respectable family man who works as a contract killer.
Slimboy, a Nigerian pop star who uses his womanizing image to hide that he’s gay.
Joanna, a Black American lawyer pressured to play the good old boys’ game to succeed with her Big Pharma client.
Victor Miesel, a critically acclaimed yet largely obscure writer suddenly on the precipice of global fame.
About to start their descent to JFK, they hit a shockingly violent patch of turbulence, emerging on the other side to a reality both perfectly familiar and utterly strange. As it charts the fallout of this logic-defying event, The Anomaly takes us on a journey from Lagos and Mumbai to the White House and a top-secret hangar.
In Hervé Le Tellier’s most ambitious work yet, high literature follows the lead of a bingeable Netflix series, drawing on the best of genre fiction from “chick lit” to mystery, while also playfully critiquing their hallmarks. An ingenious, timely variation on the doppelgänger theme, it taps into the parts of ourselves that elude us most.
Ken and Abby Gardner lost their mother when they were small and they have been haunted by her absence ever since. Their father, Adam, a brilliant oceanographer, raised them mostly on his own in his remote home on Cape Cod, where the attachment between Ken and Abby deepened into something complicated—and as adults their relationship is strained. Now, years later, the siblings’ lives are still deeply entwined. Ken is a successful businessman with political ambitions and a picture-perfect family and Abby is a talented visual artist who depends on her brother’s goodwill, in part because he owns the studio where she lives and works.
As the novel opens, Adam is approaching his seventieth birthday, staring down his mortality and fading relevance. He has always managed his bipolar disorder with medication, but he’s determined to make one last scientific breakthrough and so he has secretly stopped taking his pills, which he knows will infuriate his children. Meanwhile, Abby and Ken are both harboring secrets of their own, and there is a new person on the periphery of the family—Steph, who doesn’t make her connection known. As Adam grows more attuned to the frequencies of the deep sea and less so to the people around him, Ken and Abby each plan the elaborate gifts they will present to their father on his birthday, jostling for primacy in this small family unit.
Set in the fraught summer of 2016, and drawing on the biblical tale of Cain and Abel, Little Monsters is an absorbing, sharply observed family story by a writer who knows Cape Cod inside and out—its Edenic lushness and its snakes.
THINKING
On Trust
I recall one of my former bosses, in my early 20s, being enraptured with my innocence, trust, and positive outlook on life and others. He asked me to promise to never lose that. I was so happy then, unmarked by life experiences. I did not feel grief, hurt, and trauma yet. It seemed odd to me that he vocalized this to me, I thought “Of course, I will never lose myself and who I am”. Fast forward to another birthday years later. Trauma, grief, loss, pain, and distrust, are all undesirable words and feelings that naturally occur as we age.
I spend a lot of time in my head, exploring, dissecting, and analyzing. I feel well-rounded, practical, and realistic with my thoughts and expectations. I may not understand everything, but I do try to demonstrate empathy for others, whose shoes I am not in, and I suppose I expect the same from them.
Yet, I realize not everyone has this capability. I have had many years and experiences that not only were terrifying but also traumatic. I am not sure if everyone in life experiences these things, but I empathize with those that do. Life with an addiction, or an addict. Loss of loved ones, financial struggles, abuse (physical and emotional). Not one person is immune to these things, yet some of us seem to endure more than others. We won’t speak of fairness, because “Nothing is fair in this world. You might as well get that straight right now” (The Secret Life of Bees)
So I suppose this is where my issue with trust seeps in. It did not happen all at once, or overnight. It took years of experience and letdowns to burrow its way into my heart and soul. I wish I could pinpoint the exact time in my life when my trust began to dissipate both in myself and others. Perhaps it was the relationship I was in at a (too young) age, with someone that should have “known better”, or the inconsistency of people I loved most in my life, or was it the abusive boss I had that took advantage in so many ways? It was all of those things and many more.
I could live in my past. Place blame on others and myself, but what good will that do? I want to move forward, which I can easily navigate, I don’t ever turn back, but I don’t easily trust, that is for certain. Some may say it is because, I, am untrustworthy myself, and trust me (ha) that I have spent many sleepless nights pondering this. That is not it. I would never intentionally hurt someone, and if I did, I would acknowledge and try to correct it. Being an untrustworthy person does not equal being untrustworthy.
So how do we navigate around this? Make change. Trust others? It has to begin by trusting ourselves. Slowly. Talking about it. Communicating our thoughts and fears. Being bold and honest. Asking and saying those difficult things. But first, we must listen to that intuition inside ourselves. Accepting we will make mistakes along the way.
I notice myself at times at a tug of war. Wanting to give my FULL self, yet terrified of being hurt in the process. I find myself giving in, being true, then pulling back, which is not fair to anyone. This is something I continue to work on. I protect myself in so many ways, out of fear and necessity. I want to give myself and others the benefit of the doubt, but I have learned that takes a lot of time.
I am grateful to have many people I trust today. If I look back over the past 5 years, my world has grown so much. I am proud of myself and the relationships I have chosen. This is love. This is trust. This is all a work in progress
SHARING
How to stop comparing your current body to your former body AND an excellent companion to read along and savor
A Spicy Paloma recipe – sign me up!
I love my iWatch, yet at times it feels too casual to wear with more elegant attire, this purchase has been the best thing ever. I can vouch personally for luxe look and feel and. a great price, easy to adjust as well!
WANTING
Great cocktails to make or order
BACK TO SCHOOL got me all *#$*(@#$@#~. But I can ease myself back in with some cool new office/work/school supplies, like these reusable post it notes, sharing my
old school Lisa Frank love with with my new 4th grade students and these fun STICKERS, the cutest bookworm bookmark, Definitely need some cat sticky note pads
Reordering the BEST gel pens I have found to date (So many great colors, too)
Excited to give this LARGE mousepad a try on my glass office desk 🙂
Brilliant thinking. Small adhesive desk drawers for my desk! Subtle little catch all for those paper clips and pens, to tidy up my work space (watch here how to install, so simple)
The United States sure does have its problems, but we do have some great food 🙂
Coffee Chalk 