grateful

Thanksgiving has come and gone.

All the hustle and bustle, cooking, prep work, cleaning. Friends, family, food. Good times.

I love the holidays. I love how the holidays “feel”.  I think it is the comfort of family and the smell of cooking that makes me happy and smiley 🙂

This year was the first year I had Thanksgiving away from “home”. Each year our family gathers for a traditional Thanksgiving. Each year our family also grows larger and larger

This year, being in South Carolina, I was worried I would not get that some home feeling. Yet, I think this year was one of the BEST Thanksgivings’ yet 🙂 This was our view

My cousins and the boys

came down and my parents did too. They always seem to bring beautiful weather with them, and once again, the 75 degree temps and constant sun proved them RIGHT!

We had Thanksgiving dinner this year ON THE BEACH! I can not believe it. 🙂  The view was breathtaking, the food was great (Not nearly as good as my aunt and moms cooking though, I SURE did miss that 😦 ) But the company was amazing! I loved my little nephews running around being goofy and smiling, laughing and just being innocent 🙂

The ham was my favorite. NOM NOM NOM!!  

( I like all that burnt crispy stuff!)

Watching the kids have fun, eat freely and just be them true selves, brought back so many of my own childhood memories 🙂  especially ones of us cousins holding up our forks and knives screaming “WE WANT FOOD! WE WANT FOOD!”

We recreated the shot, YET did not tell the kids about it, because god bless OUR parents for dealing with us……..phew!

This was probably the first time in 15 years that I ate what I wanted, how much I wanted, without feeling judged by anyone, including myself 🙂 Huge step for me ❤

I have all the wonderful people around me to thank for that ❤

The rest of our week included some beach days and lots of fun in the sun 🙂

Lily even got in on the action….

Me and santa dad on the beach!

My mom LOVED the walks on the beach

We even checked out some local properties for mom and dad with the help of a pretty awesome (and handome!) realtor 🙂
Here is mom giving her thumbs up and approval on her FAVORITE property!!

I could TOTALLY see them in this cute little place!!! ❤

Hurry guys! Hurry!

This was also a favorite:

The first one truly has my heart for some reason!

I even had the opportunity to “teach” my first yoga class.

I had two amazing clients (My cousin and mom!) and went through all the motions. I was a bit nervous but began to get more comfortable as I went on. I can totally see myself doing this in the future!  I really enjoy yoga, teaching it AND helping everyone love the body they are in and what it is capable of on their own mats. It is SO important to me to work on not comparing myself to others, OR myself from yesterday and I want to help pass that message along to others

True calling?………just maybe !

Some other highlights from my weekend …………in pictures 🙂

 

Christmas Regatta 2015

Cousin time , walks and talks 🙂

 

I am really looking forward to coming home for Christmas. I am curious to see how it will feel being back in NJ 🙂  ………Stay tuned ……. 🙂

YOUR TURN

1.  Favorite part of Thanksgiving? Food, fun, or family related!
2.  Favorite part of a yoga class?
3. Think of ONE goal for yourself. Write it down THEN tear it up.  Focus on just living and being in the moment. Sometimes our goals can limit us and hold us back !

Are you free?

I want to be free

 

People search and strive for happiness.  How often do you hear “If I had a better job, better body, better XYZ , I would be HAPPY”

Not so. I have learned, and I am sure many others have as well. That happiness is not a result of outside things. Sure it is great and nice to have some money , buy nice things, travel, etc. BUT that will only cause you to chase for more and search for happiness in materials, NOT within

For me, Happiness is freedom

I want to be free. That is my goal. I want to be free of all the things eating away at me. I want to be free of what truly stands in my happiness. For me, freedom looks like this:

Eat what my body craves, when it craves it, without feelings of guilt, dread, resentment.  I want to fuel my body and live my life, instead of worrying about making the “right” choices and decisions all day. This only leaves me worried about my next meal. Making sure it is perfect.  This also leaves me feeling unfulfilled, hungry and stressed. I want to be FREE

 

Not worry about what OTHERS think of me. Do they think I look fat? Ugly?  Tired? Hate my outfit, or my hair, or my eyes or those lines by my lips? I worry so much about looking perfect for the world and lose focus of what is really important. What is inside me

Its weird. I do not judge others for their appearance. In fact, I find such beauty in others, yet myself, not so much. I feel ugly and ashamed and never good enough. I have a hard time BELIEVING people LIKE me. I feel they have “other” motives for liking me. I have a hard time accepting myself , therefore, have a hard time accepting that others may truly, genuinely like me.  I want to be free of worrying if someone thinks I am ugly, or fat, or stupid. I want to be free of putting so much stress on myself to always look and feel perfect. I want to just live my life without ever worrying about that again. Not worrying about if someone will loose interest in me, once they see me in sweats, messy hair, sleepies in my eyes.

It is exhausting trying to keep up the persona of being “perfect” I am not perfect, I am perfectly IMPERFECT as Summer Innanen (My favorite BODY POSITIVE BLOGGIE!!  would say) Check her out here 

I want to be FREE to be me and not care what others think of me.  I know my true friends love me as I am, as I love them as they are ❤

I want to be free of worrying about tomorrow , so much so, that I am unable to focus on today. RIGHT NOW. Because in all honesty, tomorrow is not a certainty.  Only this moment right now is. Yet my head fills up with worry about what is to come…….I fail to see what is RIGHT there in front of me

I want to be free of always seeking a challenge, then becoming bored once I have achieved it and only looking for my next challenge.  I want it to be enough to be just as and focus on bettering what I already have

I am not striving towards happiness. I just want to be FREE….

I don’t know how to be in a relationship…..

I don’t know how to be in a relationship(s)……….

this takes a lot for me to admit. It is embarrassing and makes me very vulnerable and out there, but I feel it’s the only way for me to face my fear and maybe learn how to come into my own skin again

Years of unhealthy relationships with myself and others have placed me here. Now I am trying to work hard to build true friendships, trust people, and even find a romantic relationship.

I understand that I need to be happy with myself in order for any relationship to thrive and survive. This is where I get lost

Sure, I have my negative dark days where I am unhappy with myself, job issues, life stress, but for the most part I have been building and working towards finding ME this past year.

I have learned so much and have had to face so much. I have had to tell people NO. I have had to tell people how I really feel. I have had to tell MYSELF what I truly like and do not like

For years I have pretended to be someone else. Doing things I thought I should enjoy or like. This only lead me to dread things, which in turn made me dread even wanting to make plans with others.

I can be myself with a few people.  I let them see me at my worst, physically and mentally. I tell them the ugly things that go through my head. I tell them the wonderful things as well, such as my likes, dreams, inspirations and goals.

Yet, around other people , I do not know. I feel they will judge and not accept  the real me. So once again, I put on my act. Super Diana. Out to please and make everyone else happy and again lose focus of myself. My wants and needs.

This is in part to not really truly knowing what I want or like. I am still figuring that out. I am trying my best to be present and in the moment to see if I really enjoy certain things, or if I am just people pleasing again because it is someone else’s idea of fun, or right, or what not.

I want to speak up more. I want to be myself more. I want people to see me in my sweats, sleepy eyes, messy hair. I want people to see me at my worst and STILL love and accept me. I want people to know I do not always have “nice” thoughts. I want people to know I get jealous, envious, bitter. I want people to see all my wonderful , loving qualities, but I also want them to see the ones that I am not happy with myself, but learning to accept or at least cope with

I can not change who I am. Yet I force myself to do so around others. I just want to be accepted and liked.

I Need to worry more about if I like the person and continue to keep exploring and growing myself

I have made some amazing friends already. I think they are beautiful on the inside and out. I trust them. I care about them. Yet I feel guilty. That I am NOT good enough for them. That I am not a good friend, or am not doing enough, being enough or saying the right things.  I worry that if I decline an invite, they think I am a bitch or do not like them.
I try to voice myself and let people know I am in a growing period. I am fighting some medical issues which leave me feeling not my best. I am exhausted easily, tired and low on energy. Some days it just feels like I am pushing to get through the day. I pray I have the energy not to drop or pass out

So, I feel I am not sure HOW to be in a healthy relationship. Giving others what they need, yet making sure I give myself what I need first

Why is this so hard for me? Why is the balance so difficult? Why am I still hiding things I enjoy doing, or where I am? (For example, I will often times tell people I am doing something , like working, when in reality I am going to a yoga class or getting my nails done, etc)

I am ashamed to do things for myself. I do not want others to know I am doing things for me. This makes me feel uncomfortable and so unhappy with myself. That I can not just admit and own up to taking care of me and doing what I want to do
The guilt is there. I feel awful, horrible and terrible for not being more available to others, when deep down, I do not even feel fully available to myself
Does this mean I should avoid people and relationships? Absoltuely not. That would be the EASY thing to do. I need to face my fears. I need to let people see me at my worst, and sometimes my best. I need to accept that not everyone will like me

 

I need to accept that someone may initially like me, then change their mind once they get to know me.

I think that is my biggest fear . Rejection.

I don’t know why I am so afraid of it. If someone rejects me for ME, then they are not for me anyway. I am better off.
I need to step out of my comfort zone of trying to get others to “like me’. I want to start loving myself and accepting myself as am.

This is the only way I will ever find peace with myself.
I deserve this and the people that truly care about me deserve this as well.

Who am I?????

Saturday Safes and Saves

Sunny Saturday skies here in SC 🙂

As much as I miss home (NJ) and the season changes, I am pretty lucky to be experiencing the BEST of it here. This “fall” like weather is about 65 degrees, too cold for the beach (but not for beach walks!) but perfect for just about everything else. The mornings and evenings are chilly , the days are bright and warmer ❤

Safe

Goonies (last night) and talks of an 80s movie weekend marathon are in the WORKS!  How awesome does that sound?!

((((SWOOOOOOOON)))))

What is YOUR favorite 80s movie(s)?

SAFE

My family is coming for Thanksgiving. Seriously SO excited. Mom, dad, cousins, nephews………..and possibly Thanksgiving day dinner here……

SAFE

China Gel.

I found it and did NOT have order it online! Woooo!! My local yoga studio carries it!! I am super excited. I already massaged some into my leg and am hoping it starts to feel better and work its magic soon

My leg (hamstring injury) has been so bad lately. The pain is draining and exhausting, and preventing me from doing what I want to do, as well as preventing me from feeling my best

BUT I am working towards strengthening it, so every day is a work in progress
Have you ever tried China Gel?

SAFE

Chipolte salad bowl

Nom nom nom

After numerous recommendations I finally had it for the first time last night. I am kinda in love! It was fantastic. Fresh (among st the controversy) spicy!!

SAFE

Fear.

We all have it. We all experience it. It is uncomfortable, dreaded, YET a part of life. I am trying to embrace my fears and most of my fears deal with …….change

I do not like new things as much as I crave them. Yet once I do something new , I am ok with it. The anticipation and fear is what sets me back.

I have SO many fears:

my health

my loved ones health

new relationships

old relationships

being myself (what if people do NOT like the real me?)

trying new foods

eating and doing things OUT of my comfort zone

relaxing more often (what if I NEVER again feel productive?!)

trusting people (Huge)

being alone or unloved

Biking, beer and friends

Yesterday I headed out for Wimington Invasion social ride. Last week during another biking event a friend mentioned and invited me. Woooooooooooo!!  The biking community here is really great. I have already made some wonderful friends that I know will last a life time ❤

I am beginning to love and enjoy biking more and more each time I gear up and head out.  As a former runner, this is SO much easier on my body. Unfortunately I do not think I will ever be able to run like I used to. Now, I head out for a slow jog here and there just to give me that runners high and get my fix. But in now way am I fast

My injury (hamstring) has pretty much affected any type of “push off” strength I have/had.  I am working towards building and strengthening it and you know what?   I am OK with not running 🙂  I am find other ways to use my precious time, as well as not forming OBSESSIVE work out/exercise goals. Now my focus is just movement. Moving and having fun AND socializing 🙂

Sure, I still have my obsessive moments (ok quite frequently) BUT I am working on them and not getting into unhealthy patterns. For me, this is by doing a VARIETY of things:  walking, jogging, biking, yoga, pole dancing (woooop!) and anything and everything else I have not and want to try

So now, I need to find and purchase a new bike 🙂 My friend “A”, let me borrow and ride hers yesterday and WOAH what a huge difference from my bike!

I currently have an old “antiquish” Marin bike.

A friend suggested I sell it on EBay. I think I will and use that money towards a better bike ❤

Interested in my awesome bike ride? Follow along belong for a recap of my day!

The3rd Annual Wilmington Invasion was held on Saturday November 7, 2015. It was hosted by JT and his wife. I can not thank them ENOUGH for how much planning and prep they put into this ride! First off , the generosity of allowing us to park all over their lawn and the delicious donuts and coffee provided by local shop (Loops Coffee Shop)JUST FOR US! 🙂

All week, the weather was calling for RAIN! Gah! I went out and prepped myself, poncho, rain gear, etc. I packed long sleeves, short, spare tires, ponchos, etc, etc. To our lovely surprise, the weather turned out to be PERFECT (Ok a bit HOT but Ill take it rather than rain!) It was a sunny day in the 80s! The sky was filled with perfect clouds, like someone painted them JUST FOR US ! 🙂

“A” and I were discussing costumes since they were optional. Since I really slacked and did NOTHING For Halloween, I figured I would get my fix. I ended up being Rainbow Brite (Do you know who that is!?)

It was perfect and quite honestly, I think it was ME that kept the rain away. I mean, how can it rain when “Rainbow Brite” is out and riding around? I opted for leg and arm warmers, some cute stickers and a side pony, to keep it simple and comfy for a 20 mile bike ride

You know what? The arm and leg warmers were so comfy!! I actually didnt want to take them off, and DIDN’T!  I kinda want more 🙂

Our ride took off from JT’s house. His wife followed us around in her car because of an injury (HOPE YOU RECOVER SOON “C”!!!)

I am not sure what our final count was. Somewhere around 70? It was my job to count………but yeah, well……….

Beautiful weather, beautiful people and beautiful scenery.  Our first stop:

Wilmington Brewing Company

Next:  Brewers Kettle AND 2 Brothers Coastal Cuisine Food Truck!!!

I ordered the Black Bean burger. YUM! Everyone loved their choices. All were amazing!

The next part, was my FAVORITE part. It was more of a ride and less of a stop 🙂 (I will be honest, I do NOT like beer, nor do I like stopping) SO this is where I got my fix with the beautiful scenery, houses and breeze hitting my face:

we rode Live Oak Parkway past Country Club to River to Sea Bikeway through Castle Street Arts & Antique District past Kenan Fountain

& Bellamy Mansion through Brooklyn Arts District to Port City Marina’s new Promenade along Wilmington Riverwalk

NEXT:  Scrap Iron Bicycle Gallery

Finally we headed back (Uphill LOVED) to JT’s house. 

At JT’s some people “played” some more 

It was such a great day 🙂  I am looking forward to more riding !!

Tuesday Things

1.  The heart chakra.                                           

   So, I admit. I love tarot cards, horoscopes and the like 🙂 I find it inspiring.  It sort of gives me hope and motivation to keep working towards what I want in life. So when I received the Ace of Cups card today, I truly took this piece to “heart” 🙂  It is where I am at currently. Where I struggle and where I want to improve and grow….

    The heart chakra regulates our emotional health. When this chakra is balanced, you’re able to give and receive love. You’ll love yourself and you’ll be able to love others unconditionally with compassion, trust, forgiveness, wisdom, stability and patience. You’ll make your wishes come true. When this chakra is off balance or blocked, there is a lack of love, unity, compassion and acceptance. You’ll feel rejected, mired in sadness, disappointed, hurt, depressed, and angry.

2. Pistachios. My new favorite NUT! Yup, they were sprinkled on a salad I ordered tonight and I love love love them!

3. Friends. Old and new.  Again, thanks “S” for your kind, heart felt and genuine words. You truly do know how to cheer me up.  New friends tonight at a pretty beautiful beach spot.  I met up with a few people for dinner overlooking the water……I so quickly forget that I live AT the beach. Until I pull up and am surrounded by palm trees, warmth and beauty. Yes. I live at the beach. This is where I was tonight  
4. I love my oats (and Peanut butter) So in case you are wondering what the difference is (steel cut, rolled, organic, etc) Check this out!
5. Yoga Conference.  I really, really REALLY want to go to this yoga conference. It is being held in multiple locations, one of which is Fort Lauderdale. If I can pull it off, I really would like to go up for at least one day. If anything I would like to take a class AND check out the yoga market (OMG OMG OMG)  ALl things yoga. I am in heaven! How cool is this Hiking Yoga class? Hiking Yoga
   Eric Kipp – Course ID: M2KIPP
   Mixed LevelsSaturday, November 14 — 11:00am – 1:00pm
   Weekend Classes – Session 2

   Invite fresh oceanair and a spirit of exploration into your yoga practice. On this magical, mystical yoga tour, we’ll sweat, breathe, and explore the natural wonders of the South Florida beach. This unique 120-minute workout integrates the cardio of hiking with the power of yoga. Along the way, we’ll settle into four different yoga stations designed to stretch, open, and challenge our bodies. We’ll be outdoors, so wear comfortable layers and walking/running shoes. Rain or shine. Mats will be provided. For an optimal experience, the group will be capped at 20.

   Rain or shine. Mats will be provided. For an optimal experience, the group will be capped at 20.

And this! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOODNESS!

Hiking Yoga
Eric Kipp – Course ID: M2KIPP
Mixed Levels

Saturday, November 14 — 11:00am – 1:00pm
Weekend Classes – Session 2

Invite fresh oceanair and a spirit of exploration into your yoga practice. On this magical, mystical yoga tour, we’ll sweat, breathe, and explore the natural wonders of the South Florida beach. This unique 120-minute workout integrates the cardio of hiking with the power of yoga. Along the way, we’ll settle into four different yoga stations designed to stretch, open, and challenge our bodies. We’ll be outdoors, so wear comfortable layers and walking/running shoes. Rain or shine. Mats will be provided. For an optimal experience, the group will be capped at 20.

Rain or shine. Mats will be provided. For an optimal experience, the group will be capped at 20.

Love this concept as well ❤

Healing Trauma from Inside Out
Matthew Sanford – Course ID: M3SANF
Mixed Levels

Saturday, November 14 — 3:30pm – 5:30pm
Weekend Classes – Session 3

Trauma injures the mental and physical bodies, but it lands in the subtle body. Matthew Sanford draws on his own personal experience and his vast experience with others to help participants explore the profound effect that trauma has on the mind-body relationship. Participants will leave with a deepened appreciation for the subtle body and simple ways of practicing asana to help the transformation of trauma. **This class has been approved by American Council on Exercise (ACE) for 0.2 CECs.**

What to bring: A block and a strap.

And the Yoga market (WEEEEEEEEEEEE!)

6.Shark Teeth

So I finally “found” a shark tooth on our beach here!! After an awesome walk over the weekend, I ran into a couple that lives in my community, she was the sweetest woman ever and shared her treasure finds with me. She insisted I take one of her prehistoric sharks teeth! I am excited to have my own and show my students! (Although they probably have seen them before!) I am kind of excited to head out and search for my own now!!

Check out THIS GIRL that found 2 massive Megaladon teeth, RIGHT HERE!!! Talk about Motivation!

Un-Manic Monday

The start of a new week………….anything can happen!

Daylights saving…………an extra hour of sleep

Brighter mornings…………wake up feeling happy

Shorter nights…………..more time to cuddle and snuggle and maybe find a new project or craft to get yourself into

I know on Sunday nights that dreadful feeling usually hits me. “Ugh, weekend is over, time for another week”. I working diligently to avoid feelings like this and trying to put a positive spin on things, because, after all, life is what you make it. Why sit around moping! Monday can be JUST as GOOD as Saturday!

I have a busy week, but I am looking forward to:

• hearing about my students’ Halloween
• learning something new in a meeting this week
• yoga!!
• walks with Lily
• trying out a new dish (Chicken Bolgnese maybe?!)
• wishing a friend awesome luck on passing his real estate test! **HE DID!!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyy congrats***
• a pretty cool bike ride in Wilmington NEXT weekend!! (So excited! great ride with great company) EVEN BETTER, I can wear a costume!!! So Amy and I are throwing around some ideas……..LOVE this one 🙂

It is those simple things that really make us happy 🙂

Thinking back on my weekend makes me smile ❤

Here are some snapshots of my fabulous weekend

 

‘

Market common

craft show

handmade cards

sweet potato nachos

 

Li’l Boo Beach ride

Bike ride @ Market Common

Walks on the beach with they pups (I think Lily has a new bff 🙂

These are the things I need to remember and think about when I am feeling like I am “just not good enough”. When I feel not “pretty” enough, I need to remind myself of all the beautiful things around me. Beauty is what you exude.

When I feel not “smart” enough. I need to think back to all I have learned just this year.

When I feel not “strong” enough. I need to remind myself that I am getting stronger each day, and I need to look back at how far I have come.

When I think I don’t deserve the “best”. I need to remind myself to treat others the way I want to be treated in return

When I think I just can “Not do this”. I need to remind myself that I can and I WILL

 

Happy Monday! ❤