Un-Manic Monday 12.01.14

Happy Un-Manic (Cyber) Monday!

Are you going to be cyber shopping today!?

Un-Manic

Ok, so I am a bit obsessed with fingerprint crafts…..LOOK what I found, all in one spot!! Watch out! LOL

 

Un-Manic

 

I need a duvet cover!

Groupon has some great deals! This one is neutral enough, but I am not sure if I want something more “plain and simple”

 

 

Un-Manic

Manipulation

I ❤ my therapist. Each Monday she puts out something thought provoking.  Here is today’s topic

Good Morning, today I want to discuss emotional manipulators. Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally manipulative is exhausting, anxiety producing and confusing. Here are a few examples of how an emotional manipulator operates. You make a statement and it will be turned around and used against you. They say one thing and later assure you they did not say it. They do not deal with things directly. They will talk behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. Their mood effects everyone around them. They will take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior – it is always about what everyone else has “done to them”.

What should you do when dealing with an emotional manipulator? I recommend you spend as little time as possible with this person. Do not put stock in anything they say because at any moment it can be denied. Do not get into a battle of the wills or truths. You will never convince them of anything and they will not be honest. If you are forced to interact with them keep the conversation simple and do not let your guard down. And finally, keep in mind you are dealing with a manipulator – an authentic, honest, and healthy relationship is not something they are interested in.

Believing the best for you,
Geannine

This def. makes me question myself. I need to ask myself if I am being truthful with myself and others, or manipulating to get something I want out of it………What I want, may not always be what is best

Un-Manic

Early Bird Or Night Owl Your Sleep Says A Lot About You

I definitely think my LACK of sleep is aiding to my recent “depressive” feelings

Un-Manic

 

Make YOUR relationships UN-MANIC!

15 relationship Red Flags

 

Un-Manic

I got my Cookie Swap invite in the mail today!
I am sooooooooooooo excited!

Un-Manic

I am NOT going to lie. Today was pretty MANIC. After a 4 days weekend, a brand new student AND this constant weather change………..my head is still spinning!!

Going to make it Un-Manic by getting my nails done tonight! ❤

Weekend update week ahead 11.30.14

Goodbye November!

Hello December! November was both wonderful and painful.  It was filled with emotions, good and bad.  Some realizations (that I need to accept) and of course some wonderful food, family and friends ❤

 

The four day weekend was much needed! I spent the LONGEST I had ever spent at my aunt’s house for Thanksgiving. It felt really GOOD!  At times I wanted to flee, but the feelings and moments passed and I wanted to stay again.  I guess that’s what life is all about. Ups and downs. I am great with the UPS , the downs are the tough part, I just can not accept them. Those downs make me miserable, sad, depressed. What I need to remember is that WITHOUT DOWNS, the UPS would not be so amazing!
Thanksgiving Day

Filled with yummy food and great company. We lounged around in our sweats, talked, looked at the black friday sales and played with the kids 🙂  Some of us even played “Candy Crush”….hmmmm

“Black” Friday

I had my oil changed first thing in the morning, got my knives, ran some errands, cooked, cleaned, and relaxed!  The stores and malls were not as crazy as I expected them to be. I was pleasantly surprised!

Saturday

I got to see my friend, Des, and Santa! ❤  I am hoping I get to see her again on Friday, in NYC, if

 

 

I can swing it!

 

Sunday

Baked pumpkin pie bars

I have not tasted them yet…..They look NOTHING like the picture. I added eggs (which was not in the original recipe) So we shall see!

 

What they are SUPPOSED to look like

 UPDATE:  They are ………..

really, really, really GOOD! Mine came out much thinner, but over, pumpkin y deliciousness! 🙂

 

•  Yoga ❤
• Dog park with Lily  (what a gorgeous DAY!)
• Macys and Home Goods with mom

Week Ahead:

I am reflecting. Keeping it personal, I may post or may not depending on how I feel 🙂

I am getting a new student tomorrow!! I am both excited AND nervous!

 

Happy December Everyone!

 Your Turn

1.  Have you ever seen the Rockettes?

no! Never! This is on my bucket list! I think my mom may have seen them when she was younger

2.  Were you angry at someone today, but realized you were really angry at yourself?

Yes, I thought I was angry at my mom…….turns out I really am just upset and angry with myself 😦

3.  One thing you will approach “differently” this week?

I am going to try to stay a bit later after school, talking to coworkers/friends, instead of letting my anxiety get the best of me and rush me out the door , for NO reason. I want to know how my friends spent their Thanksgiving, if they got any great deals, what they did…..I am curious and interested!

 

My Top Picks (Holiday Gifts)

The hustle and bustle of the holidays have begun!   Black Friday seems to be the kickoff to weeks of craziness.  

I absolutely LOVE giving gifts.  I try to give things that I would like receiving. I will feature various personal picks for different people in your lives!

 

Diana’s Top Picks – Girly Style

1.  Classic studs

 

2.  Pretty candles

My top pick is the Voluspa, they smell amazing and are super pretty!

 

3.  Feminine Scarf

OR

Comfy Alpaca Scarf (Looks so warm!)

4. Adorable slippers

 

5.  Scarf hanger

 

6.  Stationary and Thank You Cards

(especially for those teachers, we are always in need!)

 

 

7.  Pretty Soap for bathroom AND Kitchen

8. For the girl that loves to travel

Scratch Map

Places calendar

9.  Coffee Lover?

Traveler Coffee Kit

 

Pretty Mugs and Delicious Coffee

I love my starbucks mugs! They are sturdy, big and super cute by far my favorite

10.  Pet lover ❤

Cute cookie cutter for those natural bake at home treats
(Only the BEST for your baby!)

Saturday Safes and Saves 11.29.14

SAFE

Garfield Ping Pong game to help my students with dyslexia (improves eye focus and strength for reading skills!)

SAVE

I want this bra, badly!

SAFE

Are You Destroying Your Relationship?

This was such a wonderful article. I got so much out of it. Here are some of the main points that really made sense to me!

• what we hear and learn as children, evolves with us into adulthood! (I KNEW this, but lately it is really making sense! once you have REALIZED this, you can finally accept it, and grow from it!)  Also, be mindful what you say or do in front of your own children!! They are VERY smart!
• When we hate ourselves, our friendships suffer.  ABSOLUTELY!  I am learning how being enough just for myself is ENOUGH!
• when we abandon ourselves we CRAVE intimacy and connection with others. This too will just up being “not enough”.  You truly do have to love yourself FIRST before you are able to give it to someone else

SAFE

10 Core Beliefs Incredibly Happy People Live By

1. Everything you’re going through is preparing you for what you asked for.

We may not see the big picture when we’re in it, but happy people know that sometimes the most difficult things are actually setting them up for success.

Lately I have been down in the dumps.

Feeling sad and depressed, trying to take it ALL in.

Things I have learned I like about myself and things I have learned I do NOT …..that is the difficult part.

Do I need to accept the person I am, I can not deny my feelings, or thoughts….OR do I need to change them.

I do not think there is a right or wrong answer. Trial and error. I can try to think differently, but I also have to find the balance of when accepting ME for ME, is just enough

SAFE

Gosh, how I love and miss this girl! ❤  I wish she was not 3,000 miles away, BUT I am grateful for the time I do get with her! Each time I see her, I feel more and more connected. I learn a little more about her each time and “see” her beauty inside and outside. She is fun, emotional, silly and makes me feel warm and fuzzy 🙂

We had not even seen each other a whole 5 minutes, then THIS happened………

Santa was VERY VERY happy ❤  I think we will be getting some great gifts this year! lol

SAFE

I put up my tree today! Rearranged some furniture and am feeling pretty festive!!

SAFE

Loving my sharp, new, Henkel knives! ❤

SAVE

I ❤ this Christmas fine motor activity!

SAVE

Snooki got married!?!?!

 

SAVE

some pumpkin pie recipes to try

 

DELETE!

The 5,000 messages clogging up my inbox telling me to HURRY and BUY BUY BUY because their amazing deals and prices will be ending SOON!

No Thanks!! 

SAVE

 

I have been looking for some great, useful ways to store my cooking items

SUCCESS!

I am definitely doing this….

And this….

and this…..

 Your Turn

1.  How did YOU feel like a kid today?

2.  Have you put up your tree/decorations yet?

3.  Cold weather :

A) Gives me energy to move!

B) Makes me want to cuddle up in bed/on the couch all day long

Friday faves

1.  Favorite Feeling:  Spending time with my mom ❤

She really is my biggest supporter.  We spent the afternoon shopping, doing yoga, and eating a delicious dinner. My mom IS my therapy 🙂  She always has a way of making me feel better

2.  Favorite Surprise?

The crowds today were NOT THAT BAD!  I can not believe it!

 

I was the FIRST in line for my oil change,

I was 2nd in line at Macy’s

There was NO line at Ulta

There was NO line at Barnes and Noble

Target….just one person ahead of me

Also, PARKING was  fabulous

Great spot at the gym with mom, dinner AND shopping……..I am NO LONGER fearful of Black Friday!

3. Favorite Awakening Moment:  Getting Practical

This year is all about simplicity for me.

I have decided to give PRACTICAL gifts 🙂

Kids have so many toys, adults have so many sweaters, mugs, ties……..Time for PRACTICAL!

4.  Favorite Food (On Thanksgiving)

Turkey with mushroom gravy

5.  Favorite Find

My oil change with interior/exterior wash

$23.85

CAN NOT BEAT THAT

6.  Favorite Realization

That I do not have a husband or boyfriend to shop for this year SOOOOOOO
that means I get to buy gifts for

MYSELF!

wooo hooo ❤

7.  Favorite text

From my friend, that JUST happened to get a new (four legged) addition to her family today

I am so happy for her! ❤

8.  Favorite Yoga Pose

I felt very strong, flexible and had minimal pain (for once!) in my hamstring while in reverse triangle!

9.  Favorite Cheese

It is a tie between

Feta

and

Swiss

10.  Favorite Fashions

I am absolutely loving the warmth, comfort and LOOK of the warm and cozy poncho sweaters and over sized button ups !

I want to snuggle up in them!

 

11.  Favorite Feel Good Moment

When someone told me I AM a good photographer……I really do NOT think I am a good photographer. In fact, I really do not feel I am good at very much……yet I am working on changing that, and AM!

Thanks Mike, it really really meant a lot…….

I know I need to feel good about myself and believe those things MYSELF, but it really makes me smile inside and outside hearing it from someone that I respect ❤  It felt genuine.

12.  Favorite Chat

Learning things from my mom that I never knew. She told me at least 3 stories that I had NO clue or idea about. I am pretty amazed, impressed and “awoken”

She told me something that made me realize a real “LIGHT BULB” moment…………

The real reason I do not feel good enough (for myself)

Your Turn

1.  What is your current favorite fashion?

2.  Any favorite finds ?

3.  Favorite thing about YOURSELF?

 

Thankful Thanksgiving Thursday 11.27.14

I am so thankful for my family. Old and New 🙂  I had a BLAST on Thanksgiving day. I was a bit nervous. Honestly, I have NOT been feeling the best “mentally”. Kind of down, sad, depressed….thinking about a  lot. My favorite people (and pups) made me feel so much better!   I loved Lily playing with my hair, and have to say that today, it is quite fabulous, fluffy and shiny!! Wow! Who knew!?!

Organic Apple Sauce and Cider

2 recipes in 1!

1 bag of Gala organic apples (Traders joe’s bag, there were 11 in the bag, average size)

2 cinnamon sticks

1/4 orange peel

3/4 cup organic maple syrup

pinch of cinnamon and nutmeg (or allspice)

I peeled, cored and sliced the apples into quarters.  Filled a large pot with water, covering the apples. I placed my cinnamon sticks, maple syrup, orange peel and spices in and began to cook an amazing aromatic cidery delight!

MMMMMM , the house smells amazing!!

Bring pot to a boil, then reduce heat , cook about 30 min (uncovered) Stirring frequently

Then, cover and continue to cook over a medium/low heat for 1 hour and 30 minutes.

With a potato masher , mash the apples

Continue to cook for another 30 min

Remove the cinnamon sticks and orange peel

Strain

Jar up the apple sauce and jar up the cider

ENJOY!!!  We definitely did!! I think Lily liked it the BEST. She asked for about 5 refills!! ❤

Black Friday sales

Kate spade studs
(Originally $78 I grabbed these beauties for)

$25

Oil change!
Finish line 38
Until 11am.
They were not aware of their OWN deal they posted on Facebook….. $23 oil change with interior and exterior car wash!!!!!  I showed them the ad and VOILA, $23 well spent!

Macys
Henkels knives!

I got em! I am so excited to chop things up today! LOL

My cousin got a new girlfriend vacuum

Thanksgiving this year literally was FOR tHe DOGS
Lol 4 dogs. Gahhhh

My uncle and father…..Are they staring at the football game OR the scantly clad girls dancing…..you decide

Candy cane coffee

Mmmmm
Perfect
Not overwhelming
I love it!
Fa la la la laaaaa

After dinner sale ads!
It was fun hanging out checking out the deals!!

I felt like I could be ME. It was the best feeling ever!

 

 

Your Turn:

1.  Best thing eaten on Thankgiving?

2.  Leftovers, yes or no?

3.  Share your BEST Black Friday bargains!

Wednesday Wants 11.26.14

Wednesday Wants

I am exhausted. Mentally.  I have done a lot of thinking the past few days and quite honestly, I am VERY VERY much looking forward to this Thanksgiving break.  I need some time to unwind (alone), some friends and family time, and just time to let things absorb

I have a difficult job.  I have recently noticed HOW important my WORDS are when trying to set expectations or asking my students to do something. They LITERALLY do what I say……..it makes me see just how UNCLEAR we can and ARE at times. It is HARD. It is demanding. It is exhausting, but it also clarifies so much about misinterpretation, mixed messages and how everyone takes things differently.

Why You Always Need to Ask For What You Want

We are all too quick to just ASSUME people KNOW what we are thinking and want, because “it is so clear to us, how can THEY not know”

BUT they do not. They are not inside your head. The have different experiences, perceptions.

BE CLEAR. If you feel it is NOT what you want, CLARIFY again! And again, and again!

 

I want

 

to credit this amazing woman, I could have written this myself….

From the childhood shame to the “aha” moment.  This is ME .

 

I want

To taste my homemade apple cider 🙂 It smells AMAZING

I want

to see my friend that is visiting from California! ❤

(She is the one on the LEFT 🙂  )

I want

someone to just hug for ………no words, just a nice, long, warm, comfy HUG

I want

To wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

I want

to add ANOTHER book to my READ list!

How To Bake The Perfect Life

I just finished it today, it was really good!! A nice, easy, light read. Beautiful parts and reminders, great subtle hints and signs, and gives me hope that true love is possible 🙂

and I just started:

White Oleander 

Everywhere hailed as a novel of rare beauty and power, White Oleandertells the unforgettable story of Ingrid, a brilliant poet imprisoned for murder, and her daughter, Astrid, whose odyssey through a series of Los Angeles foster homes–each its own universe with its own laws, its own dangers, and its own hard lessons to be learned–becomes a redeeming and surprising journey of self-discovery

I want

to go to Target for a few things BUT

it is so cold, and rainy and snowy and, and, and…………

Hmmmmm

 

I want

to get my new little niece one of these….

I want

to remember ALL I have to be grateful for

I want

to wear sweat pants to Thanksgiving Dinner

 

Your Turn

1.  How do you celebrate Thanksgiving Eve? Biggest party night, or quiet evening at home?

2.  What are you looking forward to MOST at Thanksgiving dinner??

3.  One thing you are thankful YOU learned about yourself this year?

 

 

 

Ten for Tuesday 11.25.14

1. Dry, cracked……….fingertips! Ouch!

For the first time (that I can remember) I have been experiencing painful, dry, cracked, finger tips 😦  I am constantly washing my hands, using cleaning products, etc, but I do not think it is any MORE than I have in the past……I guess I am getting older! gahhhhhh

Here are some reasons and tips if you are dealing with it as well:

Dry Skin on Fingertips

2.  23 Boy Toys (Picked by moms and kid approved!)

I kinda want the growing crystal and portable art set for MYSELF!

Your Turn

3.  Is your Pee the right color?

 

4.  If We Were Actually Being Honest

This is hilarious but def. has some truth to it!

5.  “I feel ………..fat”

So it has occurred to me MY own reasoning of “feeling fat”. Yes I am aware that “fat” is not a feeling, but I still feel it, often. I am associating FULL with fat…..When I look in the mirror, I am NOT looking at my arms, legs, chest, butt……..I am looking at one thing ONLY , my tummy. If it is bulging out, I feel FAT. If it is bloated. I FEEL FAT.  It has occured to me that I associate FAT with and only with my stomach. It is the only place I look

WHO CARES!!!

I do not care if YOU or anyone else has a tummy, so WHY should I care if I have one!?

 

6. Must have. Must Try

Candy Cane Coffee

7.  Love

“You can love someone and forgive them BUT you may still want to keep your distance from them”

This was a quote from my book , How To Cook The Perfect Life, it means a lot

 

8. Uncomfortable

I have a hard time feeling “comfortable” around others. Certain people get to see the real me, others, not yet. I am not sure why I choose to do this, I understand it is my own doing, THEY are not making me feel uncomfortable, I am.
Regardless, it does not matter. I need to figure out HOW to be ME all the time, whether I (or you) like it or not.

 

I guess the BIGGEST part for me is acceptance. I have to accept my feelings.  I can not hide them, pretend they are something else, or disguise them. I just have to accept them.

Hey, guess what? I am a bitch sometimes.
Sometimes YOU annoy me

Sometimes I do not feel like going places or doing things

Sometimes I judge others, WHEN I KNOW I should’nt

Sometimes I wish I could run away and scream

Sometimes I think YOUR kid is annoying

Sometimes I think YOU are wrong

Sometimes I KNOW I am wrong

There are so many things I am ashamed of feeling.  I need to just ACCEPT this is who and HOW I am. I may not be able to change those things, but at least I can recognize , accept and try

Something that makes me VERY uncomfortable. Sharing MY food recipes and meals with others.

I feel like my healthy eating habits are MY OWN. I do NOT want to share them with ANYONE, because then………..I just won’t be special….

ITS ABOUT TIME FOR ME TO GET OVER THIS!!!
It is GOOD to share good things with others

I would want OTHERS To share good things with me

I am still special!

I am not MAKING you do anything you do not want to do, or forcing you, or expecting YOU To change your life

I am not going to do anything I do not want to do and you will not make me.

 

9. Brilliant!

A lighted collar for Lily!

!

now that it’s dark out and I worry that cars will NOT see us this is the perfect thing

10. “Yayyyyyyyyy I am SOOOO excited to spend the day with my students tomorrow participating in our Thanksgiving Day Feast!”

Truth:  I want the day over with.  I love my students. I do, however, this time of year, things are a bit nuts

So, being honest. I can NOT wait for tomorrow……..to BE OVER WITH

I am looking forward to 4 days away so I can clear my head and get  the rest I need. My brain hurts!

 

 

YOUR TURN

1.  Would you children/grandchild like any of the toy suggestions linked?

2. What time do you normally go to bed? Weeknight? Weekend?

3.  Do you ever feel uncomfortable in certain situations? Share!

Un-Manic Monday 11.24.14

YOU can make it an Un-Manic Monday 🙂

Perfect read for YOUR Monday Morning

9 Good Reminders that Will Change The Way You Think

My Un-Manic Goal for today:

Talk to one of my neighbors.  I always say “Hi/Bye” and run off, a few of my neighbors always try to talk to me….I need to slow down and spend a few minutes just talking to my neighbors. This is something I need a LOT of work on. I am never in a hurry to get someplace…..this is just how I am…”Gotta go, gotta go, no time to stop!”

It is exhausting!

Some days I NEED to be the tortoise 🙂

Speaking of being TOO busy. This could NOT have come at a more perfect time!

The Dis-ease of being Busy

 

Un-Manic Deal

I got a pair of these flannel sheets last week from Target and they are on sale again NEXT week for an even better price! I am grabbing up another set ASAP!

 

Un-Manic FUN

Last week we rolled our pine-cones in paint to make turkey’s (see HERE)

TODAY I put all of our hard work to GOOD use.  Check out our FUN, EASY and team work Pine Cone Wreath!

 

See the pretty paint colors?

 

Un-Manic :  Cookie Trial #1

Ok, so my cookies…..FAIL

BUT let me explain….personally, I liked them. I know that no other human being (including Lily) would agree with me. Why?

They kind of tasted like dog treats, in fact they looked VERY similar to the ones I made for Lily a few weeks ago……those actually smelled better…….

HOWEVER, as a cookie, major FAIL. I think the bacon over powered, I used organic cocoa, they just were not SWEET enough for a cookie.  However as a savory “mini muffin” they are fabulous. They taste more savory than sweet, a slight hint of chocolate, too MUCH bacon for such a little cookie
So I am taking my BRILLIANT assistants suggestion (Thanks Amy) and for TRIAL # 2, I will be adding MORE maple syrup AND crumbling the bacon on TOP of the cookie instead of mixing it in…..I will keep you posted!

(Notice how they are NEXT to the dog treat jar??)

Un-Manic Musings….

Today was a tough day for me. In fact the past FEW days have been tough.  I can not pin point the problem. I am healthy, I have a wonderful job, home, family, friends, why am I so down?

A few things occurred to me, which at first made me a bit sad and depressed, BUT I know I have to deal with these uneasy, uncomfortable feelings in order to GET PAST THEM!

Independence…….inspired by my cousin, Mike ❤

Right now I am an independent person. I love having my freedom

I love having control of my life
((Granted I’ve taken my control to unhealthy limits such as my eating and exercise but I am learning to control things in a more positive way))

I always thought I needed someone, and I DO need people, but NOT in the way I thought.  I thought I needed people to SAVE or help, I thought I needed people to save me, I thought I needed people to love me, in order for me to love myself.  I thought and relied on people for ALL the wrong things.  I am and have always been independent. I fooled myself and others for a long time making it seem like quite the opposite.  I never thought I was an independent, strong, person.  I am learning I can do things on my own, I can make decisions without needing justification from others. I prefer doing some things alone because I can focus better.  I lied to myself and others for many years , pretending I was not an independent person. I pretended to be a scared little girl that needed saving at times, other times I pretended to be super strong and take YOUR problems as my own.  I am learning balance. For me balance is important. Finding that right amount of “not too much, not too little”

Feeling Needed

I used to feel needed and like I had a purpose however lately I don’t feel very useful, helpful,or needed.  I loved yet hated feeling needed, at the same time.

The thing is the people in my life I really thought needed me really didn’t.  They never asked me to save them, help them,etc.  I just enjoyed doing things for them because it made me feel special and important and like I mattered

Yet I neglected myself during that time I neglected to battle my emotions, my feelings, and my eating disorder because I wanted to put my focus someplace  else; on someone else that needed me because I was just “perfect”

I know I’m not perfect.I am far from it and I also know that it doesn’t matter if anyone needs me or not just being meand living my life should be enough. I am realizing this but it is still difficult to deal with and often times it makes me feel sad and lonely, all my own doing. Now I just need to find ways of still feeling wanted/needed by myself

Yes it is nice to do things for others and I look forward to doing those things. They make me feel happy and good, but I am also scared that I am doing something I truly do NOT want to do, I have had that habit for a long time. So I need to be careful with my decisions and genuinely do things for others that I want to do

But I also need to find myself in healthy relationships where we both give and take

I am going to need to find a balance of not giving too much but yet giving enough. Right now I don’t think I’m capable of either. I only know either or I can’t find a happy medium.  I have difficulty doing that in many aspects of my life

 

Un-Manic Success!

I almost did not accomplish my goal today. Yikes
My goal was to stop for a moment and talk to a neighbor instead of running away or avoiding…..
After work I saw one of my neighbors, a very sweet lady that was walking to her condo.  My first instinct was to walk faster and avoid eye contact (maybe she won’t see me!) and I looked away from her……………..

THEN

I remembered my goal for the day. I stopped and turned around and I started to talk to her.  Yes I wanted to go for a walk with Lily.  Yes I needed to put the groceries away. Yes I needed to get a start on my evening.  However, I told myself that five minutes was not going to make or break me.  Maybe those five minutes would make me feel better 🙂  Maybe it would make HER feel better ❤

YOUR TURN

1.  Tell me one of your recipe fails.

2.  Something funny from your day?

3.  Share one un-manic moment from today.

Weekend Wake Up 11.23.14

So I am changing up my Weekend Update/Week Ahead today to my

WEEKEND WAKE UP

Why? Because this weekend, I had a huge “wake up” moment

This morning on my walk, I finally turned OFF my audio book. Before I started listening to my books, my walks were very mind clearing for me.  Then I bogged it up, as usual, with obsessive audio books. One after another, after another…..

Today I turned it off and forced myself to think about the many things I have been avoiding. It just HIT me. Right there. SMACK in the face.

This whole time I KNEW that food was the issue, but really wasn’t,  I thought once I started eating more, better, naturally, my problems would be solved….boy was I wrong.  I am so happy and proud of myself for coming such a long way with my food and eating issues. Sure, I still dwell and think about it, but I am learning how to feed my body and give it what it needs/wants, when it needs it.  I am eating better, I am eating more, I am eating a variety, yet I still feel like something is missing. I feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled. I thought food would fill that void, but it is JUST another cover up for things that are really hurting me.I thought that was food related issue and it’s not I am eating better eating more eating what I am noticing is that STILL is not solving my problems, or taking away my unease and unhappiness. I can see how people use food (either too much or too little) to fill voids or areas of unhappiness in their lives. Just like any other addiction, it is another excuse, cover up and temporary band aid for the root issues.

What I am really craving and wanting and needing to fill me is NOT food , at all. It  is love and affection. This is VERY personal to me, but I have nothing to lose. It started from childhood, the man in my life I wanted love and affection from, was not able to give it to me all the time. It had restrictions.  This continued and made me long for the same feeling in ALL of my relationships.  I was so used to having love and affection SOMETIMES, that I began to make the most and feel so happy and “high” when I got it, then felt REALLY low and down when things were bad and I did not get it. It was just another form of self abuse. I felt I was NOT worth it.

VERSUS

 

 

Sure I have experienced love and affection, but it always has been on other people’s terms. When they were happy or sober they could give me what I needed.  It occurred to me that I have never really felt loved and cared for because the people I was seeking this from, did not even love and care about themselves.

Now that I’m finally starting to know I love myself, I am realizing I will not settle for someone who is unhappy with their life. I will not settle for someone that relies on addictions to feel better (ANY addiction: sex, drugs, alcohol any type of addiction) I will not involve myself with this ever again, because I DO NOT HAVE TO.

I want someone that loves life and themselves. Enjoys some of the same things I do, but more importantly has a passion of their own.  I want someone that is going to teach me new things and have a life. I want someone that will trust me and I will trust them. I want someone that can sit with me on the couch and JUST cuddle, without making me feel , or feeling, like I need to do something “more”.

Yes, these realizations HURT. It does not feel good, BUT I know it is the truth and I know it is ONLY making me stronger ❤

 

Other Realizations

• 31 days until Christmas!  Fa la la la la…………..                                                            
• I forgot how terrible the traffic, crowds and MOODS are around the holidays 😦  Realize NOW that you will need MORE time to do your normal, every day errands…
• baking soothes me.  Trial one of my cookies today 🙂 PLUS my house smells amazing!! Here I am, making my “Secret Cookies”. Do you want to take a guess what I am making???  PS- IF YOU KNOW, shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!  🙂

 

• That I need to start making things EASIER for myself.  Small steps . So today, I FINALLY bought myself a cute little nautical coat/purse hanger!  I can not believe I have gone so many years without one. What was I thinking?
• I also hung all of my NEW scarves up to keep them nice and pretty !     
• The ABC’s of relationships (This is so cute!)

Your Turn

1.  Have you ever had an “aha!” moment?

2.  Do you fill your day with little things so that you do NOT have to think about the important stuff?

3.  What is your favorite holiday movie??